Empowering Parents
Login
The Total Transformation
ARTICLES ABOUT
 
Abusive & Violent Behavior (26)
Accountability & Responsibility (28)
Adhd & Add (13)
Adolescent & Teen Behavior (95)
Anger & Defiance (50)
Anxiety & Depression (25)
Attitude & Backtalk (59)
Bullying & School Related Problems (35)
Consequences (24)
Education (149)
Family & House Rules (63)
Health (149)
Lying & Manipulation (24)
Motivation & Self Esteem (26)
Nontraditional Families (12)
Older Kids & Adult Children (6)
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (19)
Power Struggles & Fighting (67)
Routine & Structure (16)
Sibling Rivalry (12)
Substance Abuse & Risky Behavior (12)
Technology & Kids (5)
Younger Children (57)
 
VIEWING OPTIONS:

View as List
View by Issue
iParenting Media
EmpoweringParents.com
Recognized as One of the
Best Parenting Sites on the Web
 
OMT Details
Feedback: “This Behavior Doesn’t Solve Your Problem.”
Email OMT

Audio requires a Free Flash Player. Click here if no button is shown above.

Click the pause button to stop sound.


I think it’s very important when kids are doing some behavior, you know, not one certainly that’s assaultive or violent, but just some inappropriate, resistant, antagonistic behavior—Maybe defiant to authority; maybe not following through on things, resisting following through on tasks, those kinds of behaviors—I think it’s important for you to be able to state to that kid, give that kid feedback, “This behavior’s not solving your problem. You know, if your problem is you want to go outside and play, this behavior’s not solving it. It’s just putting it off and putting it off.” Or, “If your problem is you want to go play some video games or you want to go online, refusing to do your homework or working really slowly is not solving that problem.” You know, this not only gives the kid direct feedback on what’s going on and it takes some of the power out of it, but even more importantly, it’s a problem-solving skill right there, it’s problem-solving information to say to somebody, “This isn’t solving your problem.” It’s like if your car runs out of gas and you’re changing the tire and somebody comes by and says, “Changing that tire’s not going to solve your problem. What you need is gas.” You understand? It changes everything and it can start to help you focus, especially help that kid focus on the problem at hand.

I tried this on my teen-age son last week and it worked! Thanks!
 

Great idea.
 

Good advice. Do you have any topics dealing with divorced parents and raising children in two households?
 

Dear Barb: Great question! Yes, we do have an excellent article by James Lehman on "The Do's and Don't's of Divorce for Parents". http://www.empoweringparents.com/Dos-and-Donts-of-Divorce-for-Parents.php Hope this is helpful for you!
 

Clear and concise. Very nice skill to give a child early in life.
 

Such a simple statement, but how powerful it is. Dr. Lehman, thank you for sharing your insight with us as parents and grandparents. Your material is wonderful.
 

Your OMT gives me the extra support and reminder to stay on track with your proagram. Thank you!!
 

This program is God sent for me! Thank you....I used this very strategy this morning when my 7 year old who started throwing his shoe because he could not get the heel on! He immediately calmed down and then I showed him how to use a pen as a heel helper....I don't know what they are called. Thanks for all the help!
 

Wonderful program but my daughter is only 6 and some of the things just don't apply right or we just can't seem to make them fit for her... Any sugestions?
 

Any suggestions for a 14yr. old girl who last June stole her cousins Itouch. Her's got stollen @ school. Her IPod also got stollen. Today my daughter took 40.00 out of my pocketbook then asked me for money of which I gave her $20.00. To go to the mall. I did not find out about the $$ she stole from me until she came home with more clothes than 20.00 worth. She compares herself to others in school. Believe me she has enough clothes. It's her preception thats off. Any suggestions.
 

* Hunter, You’ve probably already begun to address this by setting a firm limit with your daughter that stealing is wrong. There are several pieces to consider when the goal is trying to encourage a child who is stealing to have better self-control. It will be important to have her write about what she was thinking before she stole the items and then sit down and hold a discussion about what she wrote. Oftentimes a child who is acting out will have thinking errors that they’ll use to justify their poor decisions. It’s important to identify and challenge the distorted thinking behind the incident. In addition, your daughter’s freedoms like going to the mall specifically may need to be restricted until she can go without stealing for a period of time. Let her know that you’ll need to become more involved with monitoring her and your possessions since this behavior creates a trust issue. Having her make amends is another good way to hold her accountable for her actions and she can do that potentially by replacing the stolen money or items. I’ll also include a great article written by James Lehman that will talk more about this behavior. http://www.empoweringparents.com/Shoplifting-Stealing-and-Stealing-with-Aggression.php
 


 
 

Rate this OMT by clicking the stars below.

Rating: 3.7/5 (92 votes cast)

* All fields are mandatory.
Submit Comment:

Your Email (Will not be shown):
Screen Name (Will appear next to comment):
 
 

 

* Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your
statewide crisis hotline.



Try Total Focus
NEWSLETTER SIGNUP
EmpoweringParents Weekly Newsletter
Free Weekly Newsletter

Enter your email Winner - iParent Media Awardaddress to receive our weekly newsletter
View Email Archive 

Empowering Parents Parenting Advice on Twitter   Follow us on Twitter
Empowering Parents Parenting Advice on Facebook   Join us on Facebook
 
SPONSORED LINKS
The Total Transformation
 
LATEST EP NEWS
 
EmpoweringParents.com Wins Prestigious iParenting Media Award for
New Empowering Parents Blog Provides Weekly Insights for Parents in Crisis
Empowering Parents: New Online Magazine Gives Parents “Skills They Can Use in a Judgment-free Zone”
More...
 
©2009 Legacy Publishing Company. All Rights Reserved.
About Us | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Link to Us
Manage my Subscription | Unsubscribe Here | Whitelisting EP