Living with Little Lawyers: Don’t Over-negotiate with Your Child

If you are a parent who negotiates constantly with your child, you probably feel like you’re living with a little lawyer who “objects” to every rule and request and wears you down with endless questions and challenges. With some kids, everything becomes a negotiation, and it starts from the time they get up in the morning until the time they put off going to bed.

Eliminate “Shut up!” from Your Family’s Vocabulary

If your child tells you to shut up, the best thing to do is not give it power. By arguing, talking and fighting back, you’re giving it power. Instead, the next time it happens, try saying, “Don’t talk to me that way, I don’t like it,” and turn around and leave the room. When things have calmed down, tell your child what the consequence is for his or her rude behavior. And by the way, there should be regular consequences in the house for things like cursing, name calling, and rude behavior. And they should be functional consequences, like “No cell phone for 24 hours.” That way, kids know what will happen if they break the rules, and you don’t have to repeat it every time. So you don’t have to fight with them, just use the consequences that you think would be most effective with your child, whether it’s no video games for 24 hours, or taking away their cell phone for a day.

“F--- You, Mom!” How to Stop Your Child
from Cursing in Your Home

Don’t pick up that bar of soap yet! James Lehman, MSW has great advice for parents on what to do when their child has a foul mouth, from generalized cursing to verbal abuse.

If your child curses at you, what you need to understand is that they’re trying to hurt you, throw you off balance, or suck you into you into a fight. I believe that families should have clear rules about cursing. There shouldn’t be any discussion about it when it happens. And in my mind, there’s a difference between kids cursing in general or cursing at you or another family member, and calling you rude names. But either way, families need to establish rules around it.

School of Hard Knocks: Getting Behavioral Help for Teachers in the Classroom

When one of  Brandi Frank’s second grade students was expelled for punching another teacher in the stomach, she was ready for his return to her classroom six weeks later. “I sat down in community circle in the morning and talked with the other students and explained that this boy, *Kyle, was coming back to the classroom. The number one thing I established was, ‘There’s no excuse for abuse.’”

“My Kid Won’t Get Out of Bed”
Stop the Morning Madness Now

The alarm goes off and the morning battle begins: you knock on your child’s bedroom door to wake him, but you have to go back time and again to make sure he’s actually up, your voice rising with each “wake-up call.” As the minutes tick by and he still hasn’t gotten out of bed, you resort to screaming and yelling in his face, and then tear the blankets off the bed. In desperation, you pull him out of bed by his feet, though you know you won’t be able to do that for many more years.

Are You Caught in a Tug-of-War with Your Child?
“Don’t Test Me!”

When our children refuse to do what we ask them, it can feel like we’re caught in a tug-of-war, with both sides pulling on the end of the rope as hard as they can, and neither side making much headway.

Freaked Out Part II: How to Help Kids Manage Their Anxiety

This is part two of a two-part series on anxiety in children by James Lehman, MSW. In the first article, James discussed how to understand and identify anxiety in children. In this second and last article, he will give you some concrete advice on how to help children solve the problem of anxiety by managing it successfully.

Freaked Out Part I:
Understanding Kids with Anxiety

This is part one of a two-part series on anxiety in children by James Lehman, MSW. In the first article, James will discuss how to understand and identify anxiety in children. Next week, he'll give you some constructive advice on how to help children manage anxiety successfully.

Does Your Child Say This? “That's boring!”

When adolescents say something is boring, what they’re often expressing is a low level of anger and frustration. My guess is that this comes from the fact that either they don’t have anything interesting to do and they’re frustrated, or the task they have to do isn’t exciting and requires attention and energy. So when you say, “It’s time to go do your math now,” and a teen responds, “Math is so boring,” they’re expressing a low level of frustration and anger about having to do their math homework, probably because math is boring to them.

Reduce Homework Hassles with these Simple Tips

Homework can be difficult for most kids during the school year, but it can become a major challenge when you have a child with ADHD. But here’s some good news for exhausted parents: if you take the right steps now, at the beginning of the school year, homework hassles can be kept to a minimum. The key is to be organized and plan ahead to minimize the frustration your child is bound to experience around multiple homework assignments. Begin by tackling the two most important places: school and home.

Do You Make this Parenting Mistake?
"Wait till Your Father Gets Home!"

Sometimes when we feel powerless as parents, we resort to bringing out the big guns. Have you ever found yourself  saying things like, “Wait until your father gets home!” or “Wait until your mother hears about this!”? I'm here to tell you that if you threaten a child with what their other parent might do, you’re making two serious mistakes.

Does Your Child Say This?
“You love her more than you love me!”

When you have more than one child, from time to time they might ask you if you love one sibling more. This is not unusual, and sometimes children will put the question to you in an offhand way, pretending that the answer isn’t really that important. But the answer is important. And the best answer you can give is, “I love you as much as a mother could love a son. I’ll never love you any less.” And then your child will say, “But what about Sarah?” And you can say, “I love Sarah too, but I want you to know that I love you. Never worry about that.” Kids will sense that you love them, but there will be times when they crave affirmation, and it’s important to give it to them

”You’re making me crazy!”
When You’re at the End of Your Parenting Rope

When parents say things like, “Why are you doing this to me? You’re making me crazy,” to their children, it’s a signal to me that they’re personalizing their kids’ behavior. In other words, what you’re really doing is taking your child’s behavior and viewing it as a personal attack upon you.

How to Deal with Teens with Attitude

With a new school year starting, many parents find themselves gearing up for another round of bad attitudes and power struggles with their kids. Teens and pre-teens especially seem to have an “I don’t care,” or “Why bother?” attitude about school, homework and their other responsibilities, whether it be chores around the house or a part-time job. Do you find yourself asking your teen, “How will you ever make it in life if you don’t take these things seriously now?”

Young Kids and Back to School Anxiety:
How to Shrink it Down to Size

As the start of the school year approaches, have you seen your first grader go into meltdown mode at the mention of school, or watched your soon-to-be kindergartner regress back to baby talking and thumb sucking? Rest assured that you’re not alone. Each fall, millions of parents deal with their children’s beginning-of-the-year anxiety.