Parenting Tip of the Week: Help Teens Combat
Back to School Anxiety

It’s common for kids to have a lot of anxiety about the start of the school year, especially if they’re entering a new grade or going to a new school. All of these issues weigh very heavily on the minds of teens and pre-teens. And children with any type of impairment—whether it be a neurological, physical or behavioral—will have anxiety levels that are even more intense than kids who don’t.

Angry Child? Fix the Behavior, Not the Feelings

Many parents make the mistake of assuming that since their child’s behavior is connected to their feelings, fixing the feelings will fix the behavior. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth. It’s critical for parents to understand that processing your child’s feelings while they are happening is not constructive.

Beat the Back to School Power Struggle in 30 Days
(The Secret? Start Now!)

I’ve worked with many parents and children caught up in power struggles in the home—they argued over bedtime, homework, curfew, video game time—you name it, they fought over it. And the more these parents fought with their children, the better at arguing and manipulating situations their children seemed to get. Mothers and fathers came to me exhausted, frustrated and desperate to stop the constant tug-of-war going on in their homes.

EP Consequences Story Contest Winners

Announcing the EP Consequences Story Contest Winners!

Congratulations to all of our readers with winning entries for the Consequences Story Contest and DVD Giveaway! My email inbox was truly overflowing with all of your different and effective ways to use consequences. And by the way, your parental creativity and follow-through really impressed me and the Parental Support Line Advisors here at Legacy Publishing. Thanks again to everyone who sent in their essays!

How to Stop Arguing and Start Talking with Your ADHD Child

I often joke that kids with ADHD would make great politicians or lawyers, because they never give up a fight!  Trying to cope with a child who argues at the drop of a hat can test the patience of any sane person. Not surprisingly, over the years many parents have asked me what they can do to make the arguing stop. What you can do is help your children turn their ability to argue into a positive trait rather than a negative one.

Is This Parenting Phrase Effective?
“Because I Said So.”

“Because I said so!” What parent hasn’t said these words to their child in a moment of sheer exasperation? What you’re really saying is that you are the one in charge and you want the discussion to end. Of course, sometimes ending it abruptly is appropriate and sometimes it’s not. When this phrase is used in an offhand or sarcastic way, or in response to an initial question from your child, it’s much too abrupt. But despite what some people think, “Because I said so” is not necessarily a negative phrase—it all depends on when and how it is said.

Why the Word “No” Sets off an Oppositional, Defiant Child

Many Parents of children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder feel hopeless and alone. They live in homes that become like little prisons as they deal with kids who are absolutely out of control and unmanageable. They don’t like their child any more, even though they still love him or her. And they’re confused about why nothing works.

Sick of Your Kid’s Backtalk?
Here’s How to Stop It

As a parent, sometimes it seems like your day is filled with an endless stream of backtalk from your kids—you hear it when you ask them to do chores, when you tell them it’s time to stop watching TV, and when you lay down rules they don’t like. It’s one of the most frustrating and exhausting things that we deal with when we raise our kids.

Are You a Mother or a Martyr? How Much is Too Much When “Doing” for Your Child?

Without even realizing it, well-meaning parents can turn into martyrs for their kids. I’ve worked with many of them. One woman, I’ll call her “Karen,” stands out. When I met Karen, she was exhausted and frustrated, because she’d been fighting the school, her family and everyone else since her son “Kyle” was born. He had a learning disability and behavioral problems, and by the time he was fifteen, he’d learned that he didn’t have to work very hard to get through the day.

Kids Who Mock, Imitate and Make Fun of Parents

Some kids make a game of teasing their parents. There are two contexts in which kids can mock, imitate or laugh. One is in the family setting of teasing each other. It happens all the time and it’s perfectly acceptable. But you should have boundaries about how much your kids can tease or mock you. The problem arises when kids tease or laugh at you in order to be disrespectful or rude, and to undermine your authority.

Does Your Child Say This?
“Whatever.“

Kids generally say “whatever” to their parents when they’ve already lost the argument. It’s a final attempt to push the parent’s button and to get back at you in some small way for something that your child doesn’t like. Your best bet is to ignore it. If a kid says ‘whatever,’ the odds are that the point has already been decided and you’re in charge of the situation. ‘Whatever’ is their way of trying to save a little face. If you’ve come out on top, don’t compromise your position by letting them draw you into an argument. To challenge it is ineffective. If you give it power, you’re losing the ground that you’ve gained already.

Temper, Temper: Keeping Your Cool
When Kids Push Your Buttons

Kids grow up watching you for a living, and let’s face it, they learn pretty quickly how to push your buttons. It might be back talk, or constant complaining or eye-rolling, but whatever the behavior, nearly every parent will occasionally lose their temper with their kids.

Hitting, Biting and Kicking:
How to Stop Aggressive Behavior in Young Children

“I’m not allowed to bring Ben to play group anymore,” said Sarah, whose son is now five years old. “The last time we went, he bit another boy who was playing with a truck Ben wanted. And the time before that, he hit a little girl across the face. I try to tell him 'no' but he just doesn’t listen, so I end up apologizing for him. I’m starting to feel like the world’s worst parent because I can’t control him when he acts out.”

Does Your Child Say This?
"I forgot."

Is your child’s answer to everything, “I forgot?” The fact of the matter is, sometimes children do forget, and certainly a reminder from the parent to do their work or complete a task is appropriate. But when kids use “I forgot” on a regular basis, it becomes a way to justify irresponsible behavior. As an excuse, “I forgot” means the kid is avoiding a certain task or responsibility which they don’t feel they can perform and don’t know how to get help with. Or it could be because they’re being lazy and don’t care about it. Laziness causes as much irresponsible behavior on the part of children as any other explanation. Sometimes laziness can be interpreted as “I’m tired and I don’t feel like it.” Sometimes laziness can be interpreted as “My life’s not going to get better anyway, why should I try?” In either case, laziness doesn’t empower the child to take care of business. So when your child says “I forgot,” you have to say, “Forgetting is not an excuse to justify not doing something.”

Help! My Child is "The Constant Interrupter"

Interrupting comes from a variety of sources, including over-stimulation, competition with siblings and peers, impulsivity and family patterns of communication. It’s helpful to pinpoint what combination of these factors contributes to the interruption that you’re seeing today. Whatever it is, the most effective thing to do in the moment is to calmly and simply say “Don’t interrupt me until I’m done.”