A Mom/Teacher Tells It Like It Is: “Two of My Kids Have ADHD — and So Do I.”
Posted By: Melody
Category: ADHD/ADD
Comments: 14
My name is Melody, and I’m the mother of three children — two of which are diagnosed ADHD, as am I. I’m excited to begin blogging here on Empowering Parents. Today’s disjointed society separates us from one another, yet through websites such as this we can be the village that it takes to raise our children. The things I hope to blog about, muse on and mull over — regarding my parenting children with behavioral challenges — may bring about comments from others that I hope will make me think, learn, and grow as both a parent and as a person. I hope to put out there the truth that I experience. Maybe it can help other parents to see that they are not alone either. Thanks for joining me.
To Begin:
For years it has been a struggle to get through the day with my oldest two children, as the dynamics between them are at times intensely emotional and extremely unpredictable. My eldest daughter is eight and a half years old and her brother is seven, and we are also blessed with a two-year-old little girl. During their early childhood, I stayed at home and ran a family day care, so there was a great deal of interaction with others their age, but it was always a challenge — I worried about the behavior my own children would display and how that would impact the climate of my home at any given time. Yes, as an educator I am fully aware of the “fact” that I am supposed to be the decisive element in the climate of my environment, hence tremendous guilt for in hindsight; I know that raising a child with behavior challenges inevitably alters the balance when you are talking about your home.
Since the very beginning, my daughter has been a high spirited, tenacious, determined child, which is a set of skills that are terrific as an adult, but certainly challenging for me as a parent. The trick for me is to guide those fabulous traits (I prayed so hard for) in the right direction. She can be a natural leader and is very expressive, but has frequently found it difficult to adjust to the different needs, ideas, and desires of others around her. Unfortunately, in first grade we began to have problems in school due to her behaviors and inability to attend appropriately to either social situations or instructional time. She is extremely intelligent as testing revealed her vocabulary, reading and comprehension, as well as mathematical conceptual skills to be several grades above. She was given the diagnosis of ADHD and began Ritalin in first grade which seemed to be a miracle.
Truth be told, the challenges my children bring to the plate are so weighty that all my skill and knowledge sometimes feels as if it’s gone right out the window! As the saying goes, “Physician heal thyself,” well, it’s the same type of thing for a teacher, but I can attest it is very difficult to do this as a parent!
Stay tuned for Part 2 of Melody’s blog.
Empowering Parents welcomes Melody to the EP Parent Blogger team. To read more about Melody and all our contributing bloggers, please click here.
14 Responses
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November 11th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
It certainly is hard to recognize the challenges that lie within our own children and families. It is to your credit that you sought help and support.
November 17th, 2009 at 7:54 am
I have a 15 yr. old granddaughter with ADHD and ADLD she can be quite a challenge for myself and my husband,as we have raised her since she was 5.She is a very loving child,but very disrespectful at times,so I hope I can find out more about your program. We are both retired so we are on pensions and don!t have alot of extra money left over at the end of the month. Thanks
November 17th, 2009 at 8:28 am
I certainly understand, my son was also diagnosed with ADHD and it was quite difficult at first to accept. As I am a social worker and all I thought I could deal with it, but I was first his mother. Once I was able to accept that challenge placed before me I sought help. We are presently doing alternative treatment and he seems to be responding well. The only draw backis the school system; teachers do not want to utilize their skills to help these children. My sonis in the 3rd grade where he get good grades and he loves to learn and is like your daughter quite skillful abd talented. I am paying a ridiculous amount of money for private school and that still has not helped, I wish I could home school him; though as a single mother that is not possible. My son is very polite and kind he does have soem issues with getting easily distracted and being impulsive. I pray every day and work with him and hope for the best.
It is good to know that I am not alone in this.
November 17th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I can also relate…While my son was being diagnosed and treated for ADD and depression, I enrolled him in private school for kindergarten and first grade. I knew that with his behavior problems, he would not receive an education sitting in the hallway at the public school. Later, when the money ran out, I enrolled him in the public school where I was teaching. I fought with fellow teachers, and a principal, who would not follow his I.E.P., under a 504. My job was at risk, and I had to threaten a lawsuit against them for failing to provide my son with his Civil Rights, as a handicapped student.(-hence the 504) After teaching for 15 years, I finally decided that I was tired of fighting the bureaucracy, and resigned. Now that my son is 15 years old, I have enrolled him in “on-line school”, which has a whole, new set of challenges. I am at home with him all day, and it is a constant battle to keep him focused on his assignments. He is a 10th grader taking senior level math and science courses. He acts as if he knows everything, yet does the very minimum required to slide by. Looking back…I think it was easier teaching 23 students in a classroom, than teaching my one and only, at home.
November 17th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
You can get a 504 now, almost anyone can if they have a disability. Things have changed dramatically. I am a school social worker. It’s a 2 step process, one to qualify and then the “knowledgeable committee” to come up with any accomodations. My daughter and I both have ADD and are trying, without medicaiton, to compensate. Good luck to you. Traci
November 17th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Welcome to the EP blog community, Melody! Your writing is very articulate and insightful — I look forward to following your blogs! Here I have found tremendous support, surprising education, and compassionate guidance from parents (as well as relatives and concerned others) who are also trudging along this parenting road. Again — welcome! =)
November 18th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Hello,
I also am a mother of three. My two youngest children are the ones with this same issue. My middle child is alot like your oldest daughter. My son just seems to be so uniterested in learing. I know this is a lack of focus. I’ve struggled with my daughter since pre-school,every teacher she has ever had remembers her very well as the one who always wants to be in charge. I’ve often said the same thing, that these are wonderful traits to have as an adult. Being a child and having to deal with other authority figures other than myself are very challanging for her. This is also an issue for me because I understand her completely and for me this is just her personality and has been all 11 years of her life. I suffer with this same issue. I try to help her with explaining the things I’ve gone through as an adult. How hard it is to keep a job, to get along with my peers. The problems that stem from a lack of impulse control. All I can say to you Sis is to kep praying and asking God for change. This small minority cannot change the world but we can control how we live in it. So the change I’m refering to is within ourselves. Remember there is nothing too hard for God. Everyday he keeps on keeping you. You have not lost your mind yet,so He must trust that you were designed to overcome these challanges. Everyday you wake up you made it. Keep trusting and stay encouraged. He loves you and will make it easier.
November 18th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Melody, thanks for this great and honest blog post. I think that sometimes the first step toward being a great parent is the realization that we can’t do everything perfectly…that it really is just one day at a time, and sometimes, it’s OK to say, “this was the best I could do today.”
November 20th, 2009 at 12:15 am
Wow, Thank you all for your warm and sincere welcome. I am truly honored to be blogging with you all. It is definitely an exciting experience for me and I’m humbled by your responses to my first entry. It was quite a surprise to see so many! I appreciate the encouragement each of you have put forth as I am aware of the fact that you have been there, or are living this situation now too.
It is great to read all your individual stories; thank you for sharing with us. I’m fascinated by the similarities and the differences in all our experiences and it is my hope that each of you will continue to return and glean more, share more, and learn more from each other.
Also, I am glad that many of you can relate as educators or those who are part of the educational “system”, as well as parents of children with their own challenges. I know that I am in the right place. I look forward to continuing to build a virtual community of parents - here with EP - who are facing similar challenges. Thank you all again.
November 20th, 2009 at 8:54 am
I’m very interested in following your blog. I’m basically a single parent in a new city trying to find help for my 9 yr. old ADHD son. The school system isn’t accommodating and you really have to have an advocate or know what you’re talking about when it comes to your child’s rights. I look forward to hearing more about this challenge and how others worked through the system!
November 20th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Hi everyone,
My son was just given a diagnosis of ADHD. He’s always had difficulty with staying on task, but his grades were always pretty good, that was mainly the only “strike” on his report card throughout elementary school. I didn’t think to have him tested as he is not hyper and had no behavioral issues in school. Middle school brought all new challenges. He was really acting out in school during 7th grade, but again, his grades were not terribly affected by this. Now in 8th grade, I’ve seen his grades have begun to fall and he was having more and more difficulty with paying attention and getting focused on doing hw, hence taking him for testing. One of the recommendations was to take him to a pediatric neurologist to discuss medication. I am not thrilled with the thought of medicating my child. I’ve read in another posting that one parent is using alternative therapy. Can somone please explain what this means? Are there natural or herbal remedies that are helpful for ADHD? I also have read that some are mentioning a 504. When I told one of my sons teachers about the diagnosis, she suggested that I get a 504 so that the accomodations will stay with him through high school and college. I mentioned this to the school social worker who seemed very reluctant to discuss it and said I need to discuss this further with the ESE specialist. I have not yet received an appointment with the ESE staff to discuss or implement an IEP (as recommeneded by the psychologist). Can someone please explain the pros and cons of the 504 and what exactly that means? I’m very grateful to have found this website and hope to learn much more through reading the articles and blogs posted.
Thanks.
November 24th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
[...] By: Melody Category: ADHD/ADD Comments: Be the first to comment I ended my last blog post for EP by saying that our daughter was given the diagnosis of ADHD and began Ritalin in first grade, [...]
November 25th, 2009 at 4:18 am
[...] ended my last blog post for EP by saying that our daughter was given the diagnosis of ADHD and began Ritalin in first grade, [...]
December 4th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
My child is in 8th grade.He is ADHD and on stattera.The high school,he will be attending next year does not have special classes. He will most likely be put in Special Ed . He is very smart and I am worry able what will happen. Any suggestions? Thank you