EmpoweringParents.com

From the day we took my son home from the hospital, I knew it was going to be a wild ride.   He cried all night long and didn’t stop for six months.   He was adopted and we knew little about his birth parents’ medical history and none of their family’s history.  After six months, my son was a happy but very impulsive, hyper little boy.  If a thought crossed his mind he was carrying it out no matter how often we said “NO!”  He was always very good at approaching new people and making friends.  Staying friends was more of a problem.  His lack of impulse control did not allow him to realize how much he was irritating and sometimes hurting others.  Play turned into someone’s feelings getting hurt because he would not stop when they asked him to stop when the play turned too rough for them.  Little did I know at that time that I was set to micromanage his life from there on out.

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My name is Melody, and I’m the mother of three children — two of which are diagnosed ADHD, as am I.  I’m excited to begin blogging here on Empowering Parents. Today’s disjointed society separates us from one another, yet through websites such as this we can be the village that it takes to raise our children.  The things I hope to blog about, muse on and mull over — regarding my parenting children with behavioral challenges — may bring about comments from others that I hope will make me think, learn, and grow as both a parent and as a person.  I hope to put out there the truth that I experience. Maybe it can help other parents to see that they are not alone either.  Thanks for joining me.

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I got a call from my son’s teacher last week. Apparently, he used an inappropriate word and perhaps a hand gesture to accompany it to another child. That child’s parent had called the principal. The principal asked my son Builder’s teacher to handle it. She did. Builder denied it ever happened.

I know better.

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I have just come from our therapist’s office and am feeling much calmer.  You read that right:  Dr. Joan is in therapy.

It all started when my husband and I began struggling, badly, with one of our kids who was displaying signs of Attention Deficit Disorder:  lack of focus at school, outbursts at home, blaming others for his problems, lying about homework.  My husband and I knew that this was an ongoing problem, but it all came to a head as our 10 year-old child entered a grade at school where everything gets moved up a notch and he began to struggle.  Being a psychologist, you’d think I would have gotten everything under control immediately, right?

Wrong.

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Children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder — ADHD or ADD — are often difficult to parent.  They can have trouble understanding important directions — and those with hyperactivity issues are usually in a constant state of activity! It’s an understatement to say that this can be a challenge to adults.  In my 25 years as a child psychologist, and as the father of a son with ADHD, I’ve found that it’s helpful to shift the way you think about parenting in some ways. (Warning: You may need to change your home life a bit to help your child!)

Here are 10 things you can do to help:

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Fact: for the child with ADHD, the difficult teen years are doubly hard. That’s because all the adolescent problems—peer pressure, the fear of failure both in school and with peers, low self-esteem—are harder for the ADHD child to handle. The desire to be independent, to try new and forbidden things—alcohol, drugs, and sexual activity—are ways that many teens with ADHD self-medicate. And you may wake up one morning to realize that the household rules that were working for years have been thrown out the window.

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Dr. Bob:

Help! I have a ten-year-old son with ADHD, and I’m dreading summer vacation. Last year was a disaster. He teased his younger brother and sister constantly, and was forever stomping around the house shouting “I’m bored!” — and then getting into trouble! Is there anything we can do this year to make the summer go more smoothly? I’m at my wit’s end and it’s only June!

–Janna P. in Kentucky

Dear Janna:

First of all, you’re not alone! I’ve talked to many, many parents who feel exactly the same way you do. The bottom line is that kids with ADHD have some special concerns, and it helps if parents can prepare a little ahead of time to ensure that the long stretch of summer vacation goes smoothly — and that their child is actually even learning something rather than getting into trouble all summer.

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When a set of parents — or a whole family — tries to deal with a child with ADHD in their midst without knowing what they are dealing with, the most well adjusted family can become quite dysfunctional. It’s the old “which came first ,the chicken or the egg?” conundrum.

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