I have often mused that if there was a recovery group for control freaks, I would be its fearless leader. “Hi, I’m Kathy, and I’m a control freak.”

National, International or Galactic, I could lead them all.  Because I was in charge of the world — or at least the small cosmos of my family — micro-managing down to the most minute detail.

Until that bubble burst and I realized I could control nothing other than myself, my own decisions and my own reactions. That day a new world opened up for me, although I readily admit that every so often I slip through a trap door to that former place.

It was our son’s substance abuse and the realization that I couldn’t fix it or “make him stop” that did it. I realized I could only control my own reactions– which I have learned is most effective when the approach of getting out of the way and allowing natural consequences to take place is also followed.

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If you’re constantly beating yourself up as a parent, it’s likely that you’re feeling powerless to change your child’s behavior — and ill-equipped for the job.  But trust me, it’s normal to feel uneasy or uncomfortable with some of the choices you make as a parent.  At some point, it’s important to move past those feelings of inadequacy and guilt and look for information and tools that will give you the sense that you’re taking charge and addressing the problem.  Let’s face it, sometimes it’s just easier to blame ourselves, someone else, or something else as opposed to looking for solutions and then working to put them into play.

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