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Mar
18
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 I have had many challenges being a mom — more than your average due to the fact that both of my children have mental health issues. I have battled the school system. I have navigated the complicated mental health systems maze. But NOTHING could have prepared me for the challenges of being a stepmom.
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Archive for the ‘Blended / Step Families’ Category
Blog Posts by Emmie
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Dec
13
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The holidays are quickly approaching, which means it’s time to go into hard-core negotiations regarding the visitation schedule for our kids. My husband and I need to coordinate with three separate families to be sure everyone gets to spend their fair share of time with the children, hopefully when festivities are scheduled, and without stepping on anyone’s toes. Not only do we need to schedule extended holiday visitation, but holiday parties need to be scheduled so that extended family gets to see the children as well. On top of that, we need to be sure we do not duplicate gift giving. I firmly believe that this is a time where old grievances need to be set aside and we need to deal with one another as civilized adults, thinking only of the children and what will make their holiday less stressful.
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Sep
09
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I am presently helping to raise my second “blended family.” I consider my first blended family a success story due to the fact that I never said a negative word about my stepchildren’s mother and she became a very supportive liaison when I divorced my stepchildren’s dad. Also, maintaining a loving and positive relationship with my stepchildren to this day after divorcing their dad seven years ago, in my heart feels like a success as well. I attribute these personal accomplishments to staying out of “it.”
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Aug
18
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The email came unexpectedly last year, in the middle of a fairly normal afternoon. My husband’s ex decided she could no longer manage their 9-year-old’s behaviors and asked if we’d let him move in with us. We could not believe what we were reading! Of course we’d take him! We were elated. We were already involved in getting him services, taking him to therapy, etc. We knew that as long as he stayed there and no changes were made, it was always one step forward, two steps back.
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Jul
08
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All children lie. There is a lying continuum and I think that some lying is a normal part of childhood. My 13-year-old son lies a tad more than your average child, but I believe he is still within that typical range. “Did you brush your teeth?” “Yes” “OK, should I check your toothbrush?” “Well, I was going to brush them.” Or, “I was up until 2 am last night!” “Really, when I checked on you at 10 you were asleep.” “Well, I woke up at like 11 for a bit.” So that is what I call normal childhood lying. I am not saying it is OK and he gets busted under interrogation, but it is not extreme. My 10-year-old stepson is an extreme liar. He gets better at it every day and it is getting harder and harder to bust him each time. He refuses to crack. He came to live with us a year ago because his mother was unable to manage his behaviors. He was stealing things from family members, and lying when confronted. Obviously getting to the bottom of these behaviors has been a priority for us, and material for another blog, another day, but with the help of a therapist we have been working on consequences for him.
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Jul
07
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Back in the day, when my parents divorced they made us choose. We could only love one parent: if you lived with the mom, you could not openly or freely love the dad and visa versa. No visits, no phone calls. It was sad. I married late in life (38 years old) and became the proud and loving stepmother of a 7-year-old boy (I’ll call him Jack) and a 9-year-old girl (I’ll call her Jill). I loved my husband very much; we dated for 2 years before we married. The children lived with their biological mother but I saw my stepchildren as often as I could. I adored Jack and Jill endlessly. Jack and Jill often confided in me about the pain of their lives and the impact of certain behaviors that hurt them so deeply. I truly believe I am a better person and mother now because of the many insights they gifted to me.
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Mar
17
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Living in any family brings surprises – that’s life. Living in a stepfamily guarantees LOTS of surprises because of the “open” and expanded system it creates. Even in first marriages, we “marry” more than just our spouse—we also get their family. And in a stepfamily, we not only marry a spouse and their extended family (parents, siblings, nieces and nephews), we “marry” their children, ex-spouse, ex-spouse’s extended family, any new spouse their ex-spouse may have. | |||
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Mar
03
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“You’re not my dad!” my older son shouted at my fiancé the other day. Hooo-boy. Here we go again with the “blended family” stuff. And once again, I am feeling more like I’m in a blender than a blended family.
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