Tonight my son shocked me into silence. (A rare occurrence, as my husband can attest.) I was reading Alex a book called “What Dogs Teach Us” or something like that (sage advice includes: “Take naps when you can…Practice good grooming habits…Don’t chase cars” — that kind of thing.) When we got to a picture of two Golden Retrievers bounding across a meadow with the caption, “Everything’s more fun when you share it with a friend” my son said, “Yeah, but that’s not true.”

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For a long time it felt like I was constantly telling my kids, “Stop tattling!”  Whether it was reporting on who was hitting a sibling, who ate chocolate chips without asking, or who was coloring when they should be doing homework, the tattling in my house had gotten out of hand. In fact, it got to the point where I would turn a deaf ear any time someone ran up to me and started ratting out their brother or sister. Ignoring any and all telling came back to haunt me one day, though, when my daughter ran inside for what I thought was another tattle session. I held up my hand and stated, “I don’t want to hear it!  I’m tired of you tattling on your brother!”  Imagine my horror when she proceeded to tell me through tears that her brother had fallen off the deck and cut his knee wide open. That’s when I realized our family had to come up with some way of differentiating between tattling and reporting.

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OK, I’ll admit it: Halloween scares me. The sheer amount of candy, sugar and neon dyes my son consumes in one night is enough to give me the shivers, because I know what’s coming next: crazed, wild-eyed, uncontrollable behavior. Although it still hasn’t been proven conclusively, I am convinced that too much sugar, along with all the food additives, worsens behavior. And I don’t think I’m alone in this — what parent hasn’t seen their child bouncing off the walls like a superball after eating a pack of Skittles? (You may have also heard about the study that came out last year in England that said that kids’ hyperactive behavior, especially those with ADHD or ADD, increases when they consume common food dyes and additives.)

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I’m proud to say I have seen a glimmer of hope with my 13 year old son recently. Deciding to start small, I began addressing his bad language. Like most people, I slip occasionally and let fly a curse word or two in his presence. (Sometimes related to something he did or didn’t do.) I sat him down a few weeks ago and told him to clean up his language because it sounds (and is) disrespectful to me, his grandmother and anyone else who happens to be within earshot. I explained that I would participate in this with him, as well. (Doesn’t hurt to set a good example!)

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Dear PSL:
Help! My teen-aged daughter’s room is a complete pigsty. I work hard to keep the house clean, but every time I walk past her door, I just get so frustrated. Clothes, half-eaten food, and papers everywhere. When I tell her to clean her room, she tells me she’ll do it “later.” When she does eventually get around to it, most times she just moves one pile of clothes to another part of her room. How can I get her to clean her room according to my specifications, which honestly, is just good hygiene?

Jenny in Peoria, Illinois

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It wasn’t until my son came home from middle school one day with a story about witnessing some kids bullying a boy with disabilities that I was forced to take a long, hard look about what I was teaching my kids about empathy. Sure, I was aware of the importance of empathy: the ability to put oneself in someone else’s shoes, promoting kindness, teaching tolerance. But this situation had me wondering: How exactly am I promoting empathy at home so that my kids can then do the same at school or in social situations?

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I have learned that “thinking out loud” when applied in the appropriate way can be very useful.  However, be careful: when used indiscriminately, it can cause trouble.

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Hi, my name is Lola Howle and I just became a “parent blogger” for Empowering Parents. Here’s a short run-down of where I am now: I recently got the Total Transformation program and began using it to help me with my 13-year-old ADD son. He is a genius at running over me, using abusive language, stopping just short of physical aggression. I look at my introduction to the Total Transformation as going back to Square One in my own childhood and learning structure, patience and logical consequences. I can’t remember ever having a curfew or structured consequences in my upbringing, so have nothing to draw upon in dealing with my son.

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