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Jan
03
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Somewhere along the way, my parenting style has shifted. In the last year or so, I’ve grown from being a fairly “Free Range” type of mom who gives consequences into more of a Helicopter Parent who does too much for her child. In the bargain, I’ve also gotten really wishy-washy when it comes to consequences. Just how did this happen?
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Archive for the ‘Consequences & Rewards’ Category
Blog Posts by Elisabeth Wilkins, EP Editor
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Dec
15
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 I have a child in my home who does not learn from consequences. He does not seem to see any connection between his actions, the effect it has on himself or others — or that the same thing happened last time he did it. You can imagine how frustrating this is.
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Dec
09
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May
31
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I need to learn to delegate. Actually, I know how to delegate; I just need to learn to make it stick. I can give my twelve-year-old granddaughter Maddy chores to do: empty the dishwasher, clean the bathroom, pick up her room… but I forget to check to see if she did it. (Or I need it done quickly, so I end up doing it myself.) I have threatened to take away Maddy’s computer time or ground her, but next thing I know, she’s on the computer or riding her bike. As much as I hate to admit it, it’s so much trouble to fight with her about it that I just give in. | |||
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Aug
17
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Not for Nothin’, but today was a great parenting day; albeit interspersed with the loud tantrums of my 8-year-old son. I found a “hook” for him today and seized the opportunity! I’m not sure why it clicked for us today, unless it was the fact that he’s been possessively obsessed with the Toy Story “Woody” doll/guy since he got him for his birthday last night; hence the screaming hit a new high this morning when anyone tried to look at or touch the toy. I snapped this morning and said, “OK, give me Woody.” Of course met with intense “NONONONONO!”, I said, “Give me the guy and show me 15 minutes without screaming at anyone. I’ll set the timer when you’re calm.” It worked! He said, “What!? I can get him back in 15 minutes if I’m calm?” I repeated myself and he handed me the guy with an, “OK.” So that was it; my “hook” and I rolled with it consistently all day!
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May
12
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With so many divorced parents and blended families out there, differences in parenting crop up all the time. If you are divorced or separated from your child’s other parent, your experience may range from peaceful co-parenting to all-out warfare. Different houses with different rules and different parenting styles can make the experience of parenting even more challenging. If you find yourself frustrated and angry with both your child and their other parent, your own ability to act as an effective parent can seriously crumble.
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Apr
21
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If you’re of a certain age, you were probably spanked as a child. It was the most powerful tool that every parent had at their very fingertips — the “big gun.” I was spanked as a kid, in fact, and so was my husband. I don’t think it taught me to behave better – it just taught me not to get caught, frankly. So when we had our son, we decided we wouldn’t do it, mostly because it seemed like spanking Alex would only teach him to resort to physical violence when he was upset or angry. Also, a lot of parents appear to spank out of anger — so we reasoned that they were just role modeling physical aggression to their kids. Our thinking was, “If we spank our child, won’t that make it easier for him to hit other kids?”
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Mar
11
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When it comes to giving consequences, I think it’s important to find your kid’s lever, and use it. By their “lever” I mean whatever moves them – it could be time with their friends, their electronics, karate lessons, dance class, use of the car, etc. So in giving them more of a sense of connection (getting them to come to the table for family dinner) or more encouragement for independence (doing their own homework), what lever will you use? | |||
