Dear PSL: I’ve been trying to be more consistent with consequences for my 13-year-old son. The problem is, he won’t give up his iPod when he breaks the rules. When I tell him to give it to me, he just says “make me.” To be honest, a few times I have grabbed him to get it , but that just makes him more angry. Sometimes he even shoves me, so I just drop it and walk away. But then he “wins” – he gets to break the rules and keep his iPod. By the way, the iPod is the only thing he likes, so it’s the only thing I am able to take away when he misbehaves. It seems like we are always fighting over either the rules or the consequences. Also, giving a consequence for every bad behavior is just making everything worse. What do I do?

–Stumped Dad

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“I hate screaming at my kids, but they make me so crazy, and I just lose it!” — If this sounds like you, trust me, you’re not alone. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard parents say this on the Parental Support Line. As James Lehman says, kids watch us for a living — which means they become really, really good at pushing our buttons. By the teen years, your child is probably an expert!

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Dear PSL: My son is the classic, “Give him an inch, and he’ll take a mile” kind of kid. Since using the Total Transformation, we’ve seen some real changes in his behavior, but every time I relax a little and reward him with a later bedtime or extra time on his Xbox, he ends up trying to push us beyond what we’ve agreed upon. And then he insists that the reward is the new rule. Help! I want to reward him, but I don’t want to end up in a power struggle with him over it.

–Brenda, Salt Lake City

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Have you ever noticed how kids are so literal? It seems that at times you must be very literal when communicating with them in order to have a clear understanding of what is expected.

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Has anyone out there ever sent their teen to a boot camp, and if so, was it a good experience for your child? I’ve heard good and bad things over the years, myself. My friend’s son had a great experience at wilderness camp, and really turned his life around. Another friend’s teen-age son also had an incredible experience at a similar type of camp, but in his case the life-changing part only lasted about 2 weeks, according to my friend, when he reverted to his old ways once home. So far I haven’t personally known anyone who has been injured or hurt at camp, but I’m curious to hear if any of you have. Read more »

A day with a child who has Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a series of battles. It starts when they wake up, continues at breakfast, intensifies when they have to get dressed, and doesn’t end until they fight with you over bedtime.

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I need help with a power struggle with a 13 year old boy and his parents (us)… my son doesn’t want (refuses) to get his longish hair cut, we (parents) want it cut… I have canceled a recent haircut appointment so we can talk it over together, but that has resulted in nothing but my son “winning” the argument.

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