EmpoweringParents.com

I’ve been giving all my friends pop quizzes on technology issues since EP editor Elisabeth Wilkins wrote about the texting habits of teens and how it might have a long term affect on a teen’s ability to communicate and socialize.

I stuck a recent cover of The New Yorker magazine under their noses and asked what they could decipher in the cartoon that depicted a child teaching a roomful of gray haired grannies and middle-aged parents the commonly used abbreviations of texting and online communication.

My friends flunked and my husband fared no better.  What I did find out is the parents of tweens I know are already afraid of technology because they don’t understand it or see a practical application for it.

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When it comes to teaching your child skills, remember to keep their eyes on the prize.  This means  reminding your child of what they enjoy doing and what privileges they’ll earn once their responsibilities have been met.  Another part of this technique is looking for ways your child is improving or making an effort and commenting on that.  When you can specifically state, “I saw you do this,”  or “I heard you talking to your sister nicely…good job,” it shows you’re paying attention.

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Fact: for the child with ADHD, the difficult teen years are doubly hard. That’s because all the adolescent problems—peer pressure, the fear of failure both in school and with peers, low self-esteem—are harder for the ADHD child to handle. The desire to be independent, to try new and forbidden things—alcohol, drugs, and sexual activity—are ways that many teens with ADHD self-medicate. And you may wake up one morning to realize that the household rules that were working for years have been thrown out the window.

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If you’re dealing with a teenager, you probably have had a moment (if not many) when you ask yourself, “Is it too late?”  I think it’s fair to say that parents of teenagers feel a tremendous amount of powerlessness and pressure.  It’s almost as if they view their child turning 18 as some final deadline in their job as a parent; often, panic ensues and they don’t possibly see how the task of parenting will be completed in the amount of time they have left.  And blame follows panic, because many people mistakenly think it must somehow be about their own failure as a parent if their child isn’t showing signs of becoming a responsible adult.

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Full disclosure: I was a rebellious teenager. I broke curfew frequently, yelled at my poor mom, and was generally surly and rude. (And oh, how I wish I could take it all back! I’ve apologized to my mom many times, but I would seriously love a time machine so I could go back and do my teen years all over again!) I was so sure, back then, that I was in control and knew what I was doing.

Boy, was I wrong.

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Ah, the battle cry of the “almost adult”! Parents all around the country cringe when they try to enforce a family rule, only to be met with their 17-and-a-half-year-old’s shout: “Soon, you won’t be able to control me at all!”

Is that true? Are all bets off once your child reaches that golden age of eighteen?

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This week, my 13 year old son’s verbal abuse turned physical for the first time. Needless to say, the incident really shook me up, and I ended up phoning the Parental Support Line of the Total Transformation Program for help.

Here’s what happened: My son refused to eat leftovers at home the other night. He wanted to go out for a sit-down dinner. I didn’t want to give in to his tantrum. Then again, I worry when he won’t eat. I decided to get us out of the tense situation by bringing him to a church function with me, along with stopping by a fast food place on the way.

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Happy New Year.

Now, before you roll your eyes (which most likely roll just fine because of the lubrication of way too many tears) and sigh (or scream) hang with me. There can be happiness in the New Year.  It’s OK if you don’t believe me, I didn’t believe it when others told me my relationship with my out-of-control teen could heal either.

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