I Hate School! (What’s a Parent to Do?)
Posted By: Elisabeth Wilkins, EP Editor
Category: Child Behavior, School
Comments: 34
It’s started already. My son Alex will announce “I hate school!” in the mornings, and then come up with any reason he can think of to stay home. This is often accompanied by crying and screaming. “I don’t feel well. I don’t want to do what the teacher says. School is poopy.” (He’s five—right now, “poopy” is the worst insult he can hurl.) And my favorite, “I can’t go to school because there is a dragon in my belly.” Seriously. When I dropped him off last week, he stood howling at the chain link fence of the playground, screaming my name like Stanley Kowalski in A Streetcar Named Desire. “Moommmmmmmy! Moooommmmmmmmmy!” You would have thought I was dropping him off at Sing Sing, and not the pre-school he’s loved for 2 years.
I have a few concerns here. One is, “Whoa, this is starting already?” And the second is, “If I don’t do something now, will this set him up for a lifetime of hating school?” An acquaintance of mine has a son who doesn’t like school, but he’s 17. He’s been able to convince his mom that he shouldn’t go to high school because he’s “sick”—he’s been absent so much in the past 2 years that he won’t be able to graduate. (Oh yeah, but he is well enough to go out and party all night.) He’s going to have to get a GED after graduation. I’m not ripping on GEDs—some of the smartest people I know have gotten them for one reason or another. I’m just surprised at how much this woman’s son was basically allowed to play hooky because he didn’t like school.
So that brings me back to Alex. I sat down and talked to him last week—I wanted to rule out bullying of any kind or a problem with another child. (There was an issue with another student, as it turned out—which we are addressing with his teachers.) After that, we started talking about what would make school better for him. “School is boring,” he said. “I don’t like doing what the teachers tell me to do.” I didn’t think I would have to give it to him straight this early, but I did: I took a deep breath and said, “Sometimes even grown-ups have to do things they don’t want to do, and we get bored, too. But, we have to keep going because it’s our job, just like it’s your job to go to school.” He perked up after that, and gave me a hug. It’s amazing what a little honesty can do sometimes.
So the teachers at his school, who are sympathetic and dedicated, are talking about getting some special projects going for him and some of the other older kids who have “been there/done that” in his class and are ready for more challenging stuff. For the time being, the crisis has been averted.
And my husband Joe has taken over the morning drop-offs for now. Magically, Alex doesn’t cry when Dad drops him off at school. Guess he saves the good stuff for Mom! (Am I supposed to feel complimented here? Oi.)
34 Responses
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March 11th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Same thing with my wife–my kids always carried on when my wife dropped them off at daycare, but they didn’t do that with me. I just tried to make them understand that this is what they had to do, and they were fine. Dad magic.
March 12th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Oh, brother. If only it were that easy in reality. I gave the same spheel to my 10 yr old. What changed? Nothin’.
James describes my 10 year old boy perfectly, but the advice doesn’t work.
March 12th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Funny, my 10-year-old boy doesn’t like school work or, apparently, class and refuses to put forth an effort — therefore is in danger of failing for the year. No amount of reasoning, punishing, reward system, counseling, etc., has worked.
March 12th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
We have four children - 3 of which have graduated high school and are currently attending college. Our youngest is 13 and in the 8th grade. Spencer, our youngest, about mid way through elementary school started developing the “I hate school” attitude. As an 8th grader one has to begin to prepare for high school and college, yet we are finding that his excuses and lack of desire not only to attend school but to do the work has only worsened with time. As parents, we have not experienced the lack of motivation and the excuses with our older children that we are with our youngest. My husband and I both work from home so we are there when he arrives from school and he has the support of his older siblings as well. All five of us have attempted to motivate him, support him with assignments, had the counseling meetings, taken away priveledges, grounding, etc., all of which have, I feel, been unsuccessful. We realize that if it is going to be it is up to Spencer and yet we still feel that we are missing something along the way. HELP!
March 12th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
It’s funny how two shildren can be so different. Our daughter who is 12 and hardly ever has to be asked ot get her homework done or get ready for school. Our son who is 9 is always dragging his feet to go to school,and if he would actually do his homework with as much conviction as he complains about it, he might just get it done on the same evening! He has always been this way…and our daughter has alwys been the other….Yikkes!We have told him it’s his job, just like we have a job, AND he doesn’t have to like it, just do it! I am hoping that with a little more maturity he will bend to whatis expected of him.
March 12th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Have you had him tested for learning disabilities? Sometimes kids who say they hate school are really saying that they are having trouble learning.
March 12th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Or maybe these kids need to learn in a different way.
March 13th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Oh my gosh! I hate to hear that all of you are having these problems but at the same time it makes me feel so much better because we are going through the same thing with our son, who is in the 7th grade. He has hated school since Kindergarten and was a marginal student with a lot of proding from me. In 5th grade he had a lousy teacher and even though I was at the school (a private, Christian school that we paid BIG bucks to send him to) 1-2 times PER WEEK he failed 5th grade. At this time, for various reasons including the fact that he wanted to, we sent him to public school. He failed 6th grade, again, I was at the school every week. This year, even though I have to work full-time, we are trying home schooling. It was a last ditch effort to keep him from having to repeat a grade but he just refuses to do the work and I am spending all of my nights and weekends for what seems like nothing. I am at the end of my rope and hope. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to motivate a student who just seems to have given up? We’ve tried rewards and punishments (last year he lost every toy, book, game system, EVERYTHING for 4 months and HE DIDN”T CARE!. Help!
March 13th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
We’ve tried everything with our son, psychiatrist,counseling, group therapy, talking to teachers, positive behavior modification, negative behavior modification. Nothing worked! We took everything away and then he broke our doors down to get at the items. His anger was so out of control he had to be hospitalized. Right now he’s in a group home with basically the same structure we provided. I don’t know what it will take for him to realize he is responsible for his own happiness and stop playing the victim.
March 13th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
My grandson, whom I have been raising since he had just turn 4 and now he is 14. We had rules and boundries but he could not live with them. He was failing 8th grade, stealing from us and lying constantly. We use the Love and Logic form of discipline, and I was just starting the Transformation program, but we got nowhere. We were letting him hit bottom and just before we were setting plans for that event, he up and decides he wants to live with his birth mother. His birth mother has been a “ghost” in his life, was once addicted to meth(last 7 years clean and sober with Narcotics Anonymous)and that’s the reason we took my grandson in in the first place. She now wants to be a mother, and so I let her and my grandson now lives with her. It was really hard for me I miss him so, but I don’t miss his misbehavior. He wants to visit over spring break, but I don’t know if that is a good idea? What do you think? Thanks, Wendy
March 13th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
I’m glad and saddened at the same time to hear so many people share the same problem we have with our 17 year old son. He’s the oldest of four and has always dragged his feet to go to school and to do any kind of homework. The situation has worsened has he’s gotten older to the point where he’s missed more days of school in the last two years than there has been school days. Most days he won’t even get out of bed… no amount of couching, threatening seem to make much of a difference. We have tried rewards & taking away priveleges, but nothing really seems to work. I work part-time and my husband works full-time as a landscaper, but is home all 4 months of the winter and that has not helped. Our fifteen year old daughter has always liked school and never needed to be pushed to do her homework. They are so different! We would love to know how to motivate him because we have pretty much give up all hope, he makes promises to improve every semester, but he can’t even keep those promises to himself. Sometimes I wonder if maybe we just haven’t been tough enough with our consequences…Trying to not lose all hope…Any new suggestions are appreciated. thanks Isabel
March 14th, 2008 at 9:13 am
I agree with Lynn. These kids learn differently. Our schools expect all kids to learn the same, and when they dont, they get into trouble. Our schools need to make some changes to accomodate. Of course, the kids that have these learning issues usually have other problems fitting into the mold our society expects of them and sees themselves different from everyone else. Maybe they are, but that doesnt mean worse, it means different, yet these kids are judged and looked down on, and I believe this is part of a vicious circle.
March 14th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Wendy Stevens » First of all, my hat is off to you for raising your grandson through childhood. I think there are so many grandparents out there like you who are really unsung heroes in our society, people who have been stepping in and doing the right thing just because it is the right thing to do. (And, of course, for love of their grandchildren.) It sounds like your grandson was exhibiting some challenging behaviors right before his mom came back into the picture. I’m not a mental health professional, but in my opinion, I would say that you might try letting him come and visit you over spring break. No matter how difficult he was before he left, he surely knows how much you love him. It’s wonderful that his mom is clean and sober now, but I think the more positive, loving role models a kid can have in his or her life, the better. I can imagine that your rules may be a little different than his mom’s, though–I wonder if it might be a good idea to talk to him before he comes and tell him again what your rules are, and that you expect him to follow them or pay some consequences. (ie, if he steals from you while he’s there, call his mom and send him home.) You may want to think about talking to a qualified mental health professional about this problem if it comes up again, as well. I hope it works out for you–please let us know what you decide and how it goes.
March 16th, 2008 at 3:40 am
I’m a single dad of an 11 year old boy (Bronson). I was given custody of Bronson in 2003 proximately resultant of his mother’s defiance towards the court and its’ officers (C.P.S., etc.,) related to a bipolar episode that caused her to leave her children unattended (while they were approx. 1 & 5 years old) for a couple of hours. His mother emailed these articles to me. Bronson loves school - it’s where all his friends are! Bronson has been getting - practically - straight ‘F’s’ since the 4th grade. From the 1st to the 3rd grade he was considered especially bright and his grades reflected the same estimation. He is still considered to be one of the brightest kids in his school albeit receiving straight ‘F’s.’ I’ve had Bronson on Concerta (which, obviously presupposes psychiatric treatment), and one-on-one counseling for the last 3 years. I’ve done the full gamut of penalties for unsatisfactory behavior: restrictions, forfeiture of play-things, etc., and, consistent with the complaints of the other parents, nothing seems to work. I’ve got all of Bronson’s teachers’ email addresses and phone numbers, but they never call until things are completely out of control. The problem is 100% the fault of the teaching system and its’ Unionization of that system. The American people watched as the labor unions devoured our textile industry, then our steel producing industry, and then finally our automotive manufacturing industry and didn’t smell a rat when the teachers got their own union going. Teaching and teacher accountability go right out the window when a union steps in and protects teachers who refuse to go the extra distance to insure that no student is left behind. My son’s problem is that, unless his homework is placed BY THE TEACHER directly in his hands as it was in his 1st to 3rd grade ‘homework packs,’ he will space-out completely and forget to retrieve it out of the ‘homework basket.’ I have a college degree and it was my experience throughout all my years of school that the teacher would go to the front of the class with a stack of homework handouts, count-off the number of students in a row and place that number of homework hand-outs with each student seated at the front of the class and they would pass the hand-outs behind each other until every student had a hand-out. The school wants me to file for an exceptional learning disability via the Americans with Disabilities Act, because their union protects their minimalist involvement in Bronson’s educational needs. I will leave no stone unturned when it comes to doing the best I could under the circumstances I am left to work with relative to Bronson’s education. If nothing works to alter Bronson’s present dilemma, I will accept that ultimately the choice was Bronson’s to make to fail to conform to the environment that the rest of his fellow classmates have no problem with. History is full of some of the most brilliant minds that, through various circumstances, were relegated to constant poverty, substance abuse, depression and suicide. Regardless of how Bronson’s life plays out, I will always consider unions to be the harbinger of ruin to the American way of life
March 19th, 2008 at 1:56 am
Wow, I thought it was just my son who hated school. I have tried many things and it doesn’t work. I don’t know what else to tell him or do. the thing is that he is just starting, his only in kindergarten.
Since this hatred towards school even his attitude has changed. He is more angry, gets upset easily and just has this attitude that is fustrating. Need more advice and help
August 20th, 2008 at 12:18 am
As interesting as this article started, it ultimately didn’t help me in my quest for suggestions to getting my son to cooperate educationally. I have an 8 year son who literally has me pulling my hair out and questioning what I’ve done wrong as a parent. He states that he hates school on a daily basis and getting him to do school work in and out of the classroom is a long and drawn out battle that leaves the both of us emotionally worn out distressed. It’s no wonder that he says he hates school since he has been in danger of failing each grade since kindergarten. I’ve collaborated with the school every year with minimal effort and progress from the school and this year for third grade I even moved in search of a new school that might better help me with this problem that has been with my son since pre-school. So far we’re back and forth, I constantly talk with my son and reflect back on all of the bad behaviors that he has asking him to tell me what he can do better next time or how he can manage his anger the next time something makes him feel that way and he gives me answers, but it happens over and over again making me feel like no progress what so ever has been made. To make a long story not so long, it would be nice to have an article that is not so cut and dry or so easily solved, because believe me, I’ve tried this approach and it doesn’t really work. Also, if anyone has any suggestions, please help.
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Crystal, I have to admit, you’re absolutely right. After I wrote this blog post, things improved with my son…for awhile. Then we were back to the same old routine. I’m just hoping when he gets into kindergarten this fall that things will be better, but I’m not holding my breath. I do have two articles I’d like to recommend from Empowering Parents that might help you: “I don’t want to go to school (and what you can do about it)” http://www.empoweringparents.com/i-don%27t-want-to-go-to-school.php and “How to navigate the school system when your child has a disability.” http://www.empoweringparents.com/how-to-navigate–the-school-system-when-your-child-has-a-disability.php (You didn’t say whether or not your son had a disability, but just in case, this might be a good resource. It tells you how to work with the school to get your child the help he needs.) There are other articles on EP that deal with school, homework, and attitudes as well, so please check the rest of our site. Good luck!
September 9th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
My husband and I have also struggled with both of our children’s dislike of school. I can however offer at least one story of with a happy ending. My daughter, now 11 and in the 5th grade was diagnosed with a learning disability in reading in the 3rd grade. We now send her to a school that specializes in helping children who are diagnosed LD or ADD/ADHD and she loves it! One of the most important things we have discovered in the last 2 years however, is that her reading disability was due to a developmental problem with her vision. She has 20/20 vision, but her eyes did not track (move together) properly. This diagnosis was confirmed by an optomotrist that specializes in vision therapy. It took 9 months of weekly therapy sessions, daily home exercises for her eyes, and glasses with prisms in each lense. She now loves to read and is getting As and Bs in school. Our son, age 7, was also diagnosed with a developmental vision problem (strabismus) in the 1st grade (he is now in 2nd). He also has 20/20 vision. He does not have a learning disability but was struggled with what he described as “the words jumping around on the page.” He was diagnosed with a strabismus and also completed 6 months of vision therapy. While his attitude toward school is still not perfect, addressing these vision problems has helped a great deal. It is so important for everyone to remember that just because the school nurse tells you that your child’s vision is 20/20 does not mean that they can visually process information correctly. As their parent, you have to check behind the school system all the time. It never hurts to listen to that little voice inside your head either.
October 4th, 2008 at 8:28 am
I am disappointed that I took my time to read an article that basically told parents who struggle with a child who hates school to simply say “Even when we don’t like something, sometimes we HAVE to do it.” Oh, gee, thanks. I never thought of that!!! I have been dealing with this from second grade. We are still dealing with this in eighth grade, only now there’s more in the mix. Yes, bullying and teasing is an issue. Yes, we have talked with the principal, counselor, teachers. No, nothing has changed. Yes, we have addressed boredom. Yes, we have a student who is bright and has no learning disabilities but won’t perform. Yes, he has been and is in counseling. AND yes, we have considered homeschooling, and have not taken that off the table yet. Any REAL advice would be greatly appreciated.
October 4th, 2008 at 8:42 am
To Paul,
Bravo. I too have all the teachers’ emails and phone numbers, and they have mine. I too never hear from them until my son’s performance academically might impact their stats. We constantly hear that the students need to take responsibility for their actions, and step up to the plate and turn in and retrieve information, and speak with the teacher if something is amiss (only to be told by the teacher that “this is not the time” or “Are you arguing with ME?” I’ve heard too much to stomach. In light of what has happened in Congress this past week, it seems that the “smarter” and “brighter” people are, the better they are at figuring out a way to NOT take responsibility. Last year my son was given a zero on paper because he did his math in pen instead of pencil. When he asked if he could borrow a pencil from the teacher because his lead pencil was out of lead, the teacher said it would cost him twenty five cents. When my son said he did not have twenty five cents, the teacher told him that he could take the paper home, re-do it and bring it back tomorrow, but he would not get full credit for the paper because it would be late. Is there any wonder why our kids hate school?????
October 7th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
My son is 15, and in 8th grade. He went from 6th grade in elementary to 7th grade in a different junior high, then to 8th grade in a different senior high. 8th grade was moved to senior high beginning this year. He started hating school the most in 7th grade. He has always been sick alot and missed school because of it. He also suffers from depression. He is being watched by Truancy because of all of the absences. I have to force him to go to school even when he’s sick now because of Truancy. I have to fight with him to get him out of bed every morning. He’s tired and he hates school! He doesn’t care if he flunks. He doesn’t seem to care about anything. He comes home from school and is on the computer playing games until he goes to bed between 10 and 11:00. If I try to keep him off of it he gets very angry and destructive. This is so unlike what he used to be. He has always been such a sweet and sensible boy. It all started with his depression, and has just gotten worse. He hates most of his teachers. I have tried to get him to have a positive attitude about school, and he just says “no.” He doesn’t care about school at all. His older sister quit school last year because of bullying. She was 16, and in 11th grade. He has always said that he wouldn’t be that stupid to do the same thing, but recently said that he was going to quit when he turns 16. He was bullied in 2nd grade, and I home schooled them for a year when the schools would do nothing to help. Then they wanted to go back to school the year after that. Both of them have always been A&B students. Now, my son is getting F’s in some of his classes. I am lost and don’t know what to do. Help!
Lori
October 30th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Reading your words of pain and frustration both makes me want to cry for the other parents/grandparents and at the same time, I dont feel alone anymore. I want to tell everyone who feels like me, and from the sounds of it, you all do, a poem i heard once and will never forget.
God grant me the Serenity to accept the person I cannot change, The courage to change the person i can, and the wisdom to know that person is me.
As I read all thses books and i have read more in the last 17 years then you can shake a stick at, I have found that until i can learn thses things, I cannot teach them to my children.
I have also learned that everyone has their own path in life, and no matter how we try, we can only do just that, try. With all our hearts. It is killing me to watch my son make such poor choices but I have learned to love him enough to allow him to make his mistakes and to pay the consequences for those mistakes. He is dragging us all through hell, but you know that we all would walk straight through those gates willingly to save our children. So hang on to your support system and be strong, be firm, and never give up. There is no quick answer, no pill, no spotanious gratification here. We are all in it for long haul, cuz thats just the kinda people we are.
October 30th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
My son is 17. If he doesnt go to school - I call the police.
If he leaves when I say not to, I call the police. I refuse to argue. I did not buy him school clothes, or a birthday present because he refused to follow my rules. When he continued I stopped buying him school lunches or making him dinner. He has to make his own. When he continued to persist with his BS, I stopped doing his laundry. I no longer included him on the chore chart 2 weeks ago. He started coming home on time last week. he wanted to know where hisdinner was, I told him to take out the garbage and I would consider it. So far in the last week and a half he has listened to me without arguement. Wish me Luck!
November 13th, 2008 at 8:48 am
I have two kids that had this problem. My older son refused to go to school no matter what, when he was younger. I could not make him go because he was to big for me to physically make go. So I took him out of school and homeschooled him. When he was ready, he went back on his own and has been perfect about going to school since. Now my 12 year old is not wanting to go to school. I am about to pull him out too. Personally, I understand how they feel. I hated school too. It’s very hard on sensitive people. The warehousing, the boredom of sitting all day, listening to a teacher who probably doesn’t want to be there either. It’s not the end of the world. If your child hates school that much, why make them go? Let them stay home and be home schooled for a while. I can honestly say that public school is not the only way to get an education. Maybe we need to learn as a society that we can’t all be made to fit into the same mold. Some people just don’t do well in a school setting and they never will. Are these kids bad? Is this a reason to punish them with police being called on them? I think that would do more harm than good in the long run. I allow my kids to make their own decisions because guess what, they will have to do just that for the rest of their lives. Give these kids more credit, they aren’t little mentally deficient people who need to be educated to fit into the world. They are people who should have a choice as to whether they want to go into the public school system or not. Remember, school is not the holy grail. And from the latest statistics, it’s not the healthiest place for a kid to be. Maybe they have a good reason for not wanting to go. Maybe we should listen to them and help them realize an alternative.
November 18th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Susie, you bring up an interesting point. I think if homeschooling is an option your family can manage, it can be a wonderful thing, and something I would consider for my child. I wonder if parents who homeschool have problems making their kids do school work and pay attention? And did you find that it hindered your kids’ social skills in any way?
November 19th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
We have 6 children ages 5-14 being homeschooled.
5 of them are right on track and usually finish all school work before lunch.
Our 9 year old refuses to do almost anything, the litany of responses matches all of the above, but can take out the middleman -public school- still no solution, but the problem occurs even in homeschooling, it is the child in our case.
November 20th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
My experience is that my kids really enjoy it when I sit down with them and teach them. They don’t always want to get to work, but they also realize that they can get their work done so much faster at home than they can at school, so they like to get it done and out of the way. I like that I know exactly what they’re learning and retaining.
December 15th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
My son loved school from kindergarten - 3rd grade. He loved school and I never had to make him do his homework. He started 4th grade in a different school, and everything suddenly went down hill. We were in the process of buying a house, so we were back and forth from our old home to his new school the entire first semester. We moved during the Christmas holidays, so after that we were in one place. His teacher was having problems with her pregnancy and missed a lot of school. So he had a lot of substitute teachers the second semester. Sometimes he had a substitute for the substitute! Needless to say, he didn’t do very well in 4th grade. 5th grade was even worse. He refused to do his homework, and when I forced him to do it, he wouldn’t turn it in. He would fail tests when he knew the answers. And all this while he was in the gifted class! He did great in the gifted class, but refused to do his work in the regular class. (Here, they go to regular classes and then twice a week for half a day they would go to the gifted class.) I started homeschooling him after that, and he hates that, too. My daughter started kindergarten the year we started homeschooling. She loves school! She can’t get enough. She is in first grade now and loving every minute of it. The only problem I have teaching my 6 y/o is keeping my 3 y/o quiet. She keeps telling her older sister the answers! Both girls are always begging for more school and my son drags it out as long as possible. He will put it off for the entire day and not do a thing, but then when his friends get home and they want to play, he can’t. And when they are outside playing on Saturday, he is doing his school work. He says it isn’t fair, and I just tell him that he did it to himself and that actions have consequences. Something else we do is that every night from 7-8 is book time before bed at 8. The girls go to sleep at 8 and my son can stay up til 9 reading or drawing in his room. I do agree that plenty of sleep is important. My son sleeps 10 hours a night and the girls 11. When my son has a really bad day, he does not get the extra hour reading and it is lights out at 8 so he can get extra sleep as well. I think it helps with his attitude and with his school work. If anyone has any suggestions for help with homeschooling a rebellious preteen, please help!
January 8th, 2009 at 10:12 am
I also am struggling with a child who seems to hate school. He’s only in kindergarten!!! I’ve started reading a book that is eye opening. I would suggest anyone with with a boy to please read boys adrift by Leonard Sax, MD, PhD (www.boysadrift.com).
February 25th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
interestingly many parents struggling with the same problems in their children, which makes me wonder whether the problemd lies with the child. I don’t believe it does. I believe it lies in the school systems struggle to maintain and teach a level of academics that many kids are not mature enough to process at this age. I truly don’t believe the kids want to feel this way nor do I believe that they WANT to fail. However when one is beat down, and has no other alternatives they give up and see no way out. Our school systems need to change. So what is the answer? I believe this is the parents time to step in and demand. DEMAND that your child receives extra assistance, whether it is to remind your child to turn in homework, or to help them organize their homework, and planner on a daily basis. In the public school system we can require the school system to provide our children this assistance but you must demand, demand and demand it. Be your child’s advocate, no one else will be. With maturity will come better organization, and more success in class. PUNISHING children for failing in school is counter productive, the schools systems require so much and certainl kids just are not mature enough to handle it and it ultimately rears its ugly head with hatred for school and failing grades. I struggle keeping up with my 10 year olds assignments on a daily basis, so I can’t imagine the overload his brain must be on. My son and I struggle together to constantly come up with new ways to organize. New ways to remember to turn in assignments or bring them home. It’s not always successful, but we are in this struggle together. I still have the tantrums at homework time, but with my support he will get through this time in his life, and I am certain this is the worst and it will get better. I have a 12 year old that struggled in a similar manner at this age and is doing much better keeping up on her own. So there is hope for all!
March 14th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
My son is 15 and has hated school from the beginning. It never got better, only worse. He is a bright and funny kid, and a pleasure to be around. However, his school experience was a torment for everyone involved. He completed his first semester of freshman year, and his skills are fine. A few weeks ago, it got to the point where he refused to go. I have withdrawn him from school and signed him up for a distance learning program from a university. I don’t know whether it will work out, and our deal is that he tries the semester and if it doesn’t work out he has to go back in the fall. I can tell you that I cried for 15 days straight — I’ve got a masters degree and I truly believe in education. My daughter doesn’t have any trouble in school. I don’t understand why he feels like this. Anyway, maybe he’ll like being in control of his lessons, or maybe he’ll have to grow up and try school again later. You don’t get just one chance to get an education. As long as you can read, write and have mastered basic math, you can continue later. I do feel like I’ve failed, but our family continues to move ahead the best we can and have faith that everything will work out in the end.
September 4th, 2009 at 8:14 am
I too have a child struggling in school and she is beginning to hate it. There is alot of crying at homework time. How do they get anything out of it when they are so upset and frustrated? I think it is the No child left behind act. There is too much expected from these kids. My child is in 4th grade. I see alot of homework that looks alot like 7th grade work to me. 7 hours of school and they are expected to come home and do homework? I think it is ridiculous! When do they get to be a kid? My child has been tested for a learning disability and doesn’t have one, so, the problem is not with her. Kids do learn differently. I don’t see any of the teachers trying to figure out which way that is. How can we get the no child left behind act changed? As parents I feel this is what we should try to do. Let’s all come together and try figure out what we can do to change this.
October 4th, 2009 at 6:48 am
As a teacher, I have a few children each year who refuse to do homework, act out in class and make poor choices. One child like that can disrupt an entire classroom so as a teacher, I have to decide between that one child or the rest of the children who do not have those problems. Guess who wins! Those of you that think that a teacher should call you any time there are issues do not seem to remember that that teacher has numerous other children in class as well. You have that one child. You should be more proactive. Instead of waiting for the teacher, call him/her but don’t call to whine, make excuses or say you don’t know what to do. Call for information about your child’s problem then use that information to help your child. If you have no control over your child, why do you think a teacher should be able to make your child want to learn? Yes, different children have different ways of learning but when they get a job or go to college, they will be expected to perform in a certain way no matter what. The same should be true for school.
Almost all teachers do love their jobs and genuinely enjoy working with children so the person who said that teacher unions ruined teachers is using a crappy excuse. The teacher is responsible for presenting the information that your child needs to learn. It is your child’s responsibility to learn it. As an 8th grade teacher, I have children who haven’t even memorized their multiplication tables but they know the codes to every video game or can sing the lyrics to 500 songs. I am sorry I can’t make multiplication as fun as a video game but really life is not always going to be fun!
If your child is making excuses, by all means check for the obvious: vision, hearing, buulying, disabilities etc. BUT sometimes the child is just making excuses to get out of doing what he/she doesn’t want to do. I have had parents tell me that they have taken away everything and nothing works. Well, duh! Assign consequences, not punishments. Talk to your child at a time when you are both fairly calm. Tell them there will be consequences…spell them out in detail then follow through. Also make the consequences fit the problem. Then when the problem occurs, ACT by giving the consequence then stop. LONG TERM PUNISHMENTS DON”T WORK, neither does lecturing or yelling!
If your child is so bad that he/she defies you anyway, uses physical violence or continues to act out you need to get some help from professionals because there is obviously more wrong than just that one situation. There are local agencies that can help.
It is not your job as a parent to be your child’s friend. It is your job to raise a productive caring person. Don’t whine about the enormity of the job. Remember, you signed on for it. It is not easy and sometimes you have to sacrifice your personal time but no one made you become a parent.
October 8th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Well said “math teacher”, I agree 100%.