A new video posted to Youtube on February 7 by in irate father who was tired of his daughter’s sense of entitlement and disrespect has garnered more than a million and a half hits in just a few days. The video shows Tommy Jordan of North Carolina reading a status update his 15-year-old daughter Hannah recently posted on her Facebook wall. In the update, called “Dear Parents,” she says, “I’m not your damned slave. Next time you want a cup of coffee, get it yourself.” She also goes on to say that she should be paid for the chores she does around the house, and that she won’t be there to wipe her parents’ behinds when they’re old and infirm.
Enough to make any parent crazy, but her dad’s response is what has gotten everyone talking.
Hannah blocked her parents from seeing this update, but didn’t take into account that her dad works in IT for a living (bet she’s kicking herself today) and he easily accessed and read her update. (She’d been grounded before for posting inappropriate things on Facebook.)
In response, her dad read her status update and described her responsibilities, which amounted to cleaning up a little after school and doing homework. It’s what he did next that’s got everyone talking. He then took out her laptop, aimed his .45 at it and shot it 9 times. (One shot was for her mother, who is also mad at Hannah.) He then uploaded this video to Youtube and posted it to his daughter’s Facebook wall.
People commenting on the video on our Empowering Parents Facebook wall have been divided in their reactions. One commenter said, “I have seen this [video] and absolutely agree with what he has done and would have put the laptop in a box and wrapped as a present for her. I would have included the phone and iPod too.” In contrast, another parent responded, “Unbelievable that people think this is so great. Let’s teach our kids that its ok to do exactly what they did, airing dirty laundry on FB, and then add some gun violence to it. This guy is no example of parenting.”
What do you think? Is this man voicing (and acting on) what a lot of frustrated parents feel every day — “A candidate for Father of the Year,” as some have proposed — or did he just add to the problems he and his daughter already have by essentially one-upping her original Facebook post in a shocking way?
And what do you think their house is like at dinner time these days?
We want to know what you think. Feel free to comment below.
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It’s time parents stop treating kids like little fragile things. We, as a society, are raising nothing but smart mouthed kids. I, for one, don’t care if my kids are my friends. I am their mother! Good for him!
i think this parent went to far with shooting bullets into the laptop , i think he is as childish as his daughter . cant help feeling something is wrong with their father and daughter relationship. its hard having teenagers but that life .was he young himself at some stage , could have handle it different and not on youtube .
I think that some of what he did was okay – but total humiliation of his daughter is NOT appropriate. Clearing up her statements she made and expressing his disappointment was appropriate. I think his defending himself is completely valid. But taking out a gun and using it should NOT have happened. Abuse is abuse, and what she did was very abusive; but returning it with abuse is NOT okay. Teenagers rebel against their parents; it happens. I did. But my mom was always there with love for me, and as I grew up, that’s what I brought with me. Guns don’t bring love. They bring terror. Kids need love to bring them up past the teenage years, not violence!
sometimes being extreme is the only way to make a child realize they screwed up and probably shouldn’t do what they did again. Obviously she had been punished for this type of thing before and it didn’t work. I think I probably would have done the same thing. I believe kids these days have it way too easy, its nice to see a parent actually being a parent and not letting the kid rule the roost. Also calling the dad a psycho is a bit ridiculous.
Thanks for quoting me!! I don’t agree with what this guy did at all, but at least this gets a dialogue going. My kids are not teens yet, but I find that they are much more likely to do as I do and not as I say, so the example is more important than the words. I would not want my girls to grow up thinking it is ok to damage someones property, or otherwise cause physical harm to someone or something out of frustration. Lets teach our kids more appropriate ways to express themselves, and better yet ways to solve problems.
I’m in agreement with what this father did to get his daughters attention–ESPECIALLY when it wasn’t the first time something of that nature happened. He didn’t PHYSICALLY harm her, and the only emotional response would be her anger (understandable) and embarrassment (also understandable, and mentally it gave her something to think about. I’ve have actually been in this man’s shoes!! At this moment in time I have two teens who have been grounded from their tablets and phones because (1) they haven’t been keeping up with their chores, (2) their grades have been going downhill since said electronics have come into their possession, and (3)I’m tired of repeating everything to them on a daily basis. They aren’t happy about it, but at this point I don’t really care because they obviously aren’t concerned about how myself or anyone else who is involved might feel about what they are either doing or not doing. It gets to a point where you’ve tried everything you can think of without “breaking” any laws, and sometimes you need to do something “drastic” to get their attention and make them think about what they’re doing or not doing. So this man gets my KUDOS for taking action the way he did, and for sharing it with the world.
I think this guy is over the top.I do agree she shouldn’t have posted that. That is not nice to talk like that about your parents. But he could have just talked to her,or taken her laptop away for a while. Shooting it nine times was stupid. He could have even shot it once or twice. If he thinks she can’t get on Facebook somewhere else he’s crazy. Shoot a lot of the schools furnish laptops these days. They always have good deals on Ipad and phones. He didn’t solve anything. He just let his temper get the best of him. I would have been upset too, but I don’t think I would have gone to that extrene.
How is this threat of violence different from a woman receiving threatening letters from a stalker? or kids seeing a parent kill a pet? I don’t like guns and do not support using them in a threatening way.
Wonder where the daughter gets her attitude from. He should of recognized that the 15 YEAR OLD(not a mature adult) had some unresolved feelings, been a good dad and sat her down and asked her if there is anything that they can talk about and let her learn to resolve feelings in a more healthier way. Talk to her about why what she did was wrong and gave her a consequence. He scared her big time doing what he did. He had a right to feel hurt, but he is an adult, should know how to act properly on those feelings, and realize that his daughter is a CHILD still(even though we sometimes perceive our teen children older than what they really are) and does not fully know how to handle feelings and emotions yet. Family counselling a must for this family.
The ‘gun’ thing…. that’s a 100% Southern Culture thing. In the South, a lot of folks drive around with gun racks in their vehicle. Guns are as much a part of the South as car racing, grits and sweet tea!
Itâ€™s clear that many of you can relate to this dadâ€™s anger. Itâ€™s so incredibly challenging when your child disrespects you, especially in a public forum. Many of you can relate to this father and to the sense of entitlement he perceives in his daughterâ€”itâ€™s so angering when you feel like your child takes and takes and takes and shows no appreciation for all that you do and provide. Being angry and hurt is a normal reaction for a parent in this fatherâ€™s situation. As Elisabeth said, this story certainly has touched a nerveâ€”both in those of you who see your own frustration in this man and those of you who feel strongly that his actions were wrong. However, on behalf of Empowering Parents, I would like to say that we do not condone the use of intimidation, such as this, as a form of effective discipline. Using a gun to destroy your childâ€™s electronics, toys, etc. is not effective and is not good role modeling. James Lehman says, â€śYou canâ€™t punish a child into good behavior. Punishment is ineffective because it does not have a learning experience built into it. We want the child to learn from the consequence he is given. Punishment only creates more anger and resentment in the child, and can actually deepen or intensify the inappropriate behavior. It can make the child feel even more powerless. Without appropriate skills to feel powerful, the child will simply act out more in order to get power.â€ť James believed that children act out because they have a problem they donâ€™t know how to solve effectively. Clearly this girl had a problem: she was angry with her parents and feeling resentful. Thatâ€™s normal for a teen! The way she solved this problem was to rant about her parents on Facebookâ€”also pretty normal these days. Her behavior wasnâ€™t okay, and itâ€™s also not the worst thing she could do. This fatherâ€™s way of handling her behavior did not teach his daughter a more effective way to manage her anger (which is necessary in order for her behavior to truly change in the long run). Instead, it showed her that when you get angry you can handle it by getting angry back and being destructive and intimidating. Hereâ€™s a link to an article for more information about this: Why Harsh Punishments for Children and Teenagers Don’t Work.
I think that her saying he should pay her for doing chores is ridiculous. He is already paying her to help out around the house. He is paying for her laptop ($130 for upgrades among other things) as well as a phone and Ipod. For her to write the things she did about her parents was very disrespectful. As far as destroying the laptop, I think that he should have given it to someone who would appreciate it. He should have done the same with her phone and Ipod too. Maybe if kids had to actually work for some of the things they get, they would appreciate them more. I know I had to work and still have to work to get what I get.
Obviously the father is at the end of his tether, BUT, as a parent, you lead by example. Not much of an example is he? I think he needs to take a step back, realise how much he has loved and loves his daughter, get some communication happening between the two of them, about her interests, interests they have in common, anything positive and nothing about what she complains about and NOTHING about HIS opinions etc. They need to work on A relationship, because from the sounds of it, they don’t have one. But, before any of this takes place, he NEEDS to APOLOGISE for his ridiculous and immature reaction to her facebook comment. He’s quite insecure…. he seems to need to take things one step further, one-up-manship, up-ing the anti, whatever you want to call it. His behaviour will make her take it one step further, then, because of his insecurities, he will take it one step further, etc, etc. Where is Mum in all this? Is Dad a control freak? The family certainly needs firstly a break from each other and then some Professional help. I hope they get it.
I completly agree with the Dad on this one. This was not the first time she had done this type of thing before. She was warned what would happen if she done it again ( he said so in his video ). He carried out on her threat rather than making it an idle one, which happens far far too often. Children need to learn that there will be consequences for their actions, period. That’s the problem with society today, kids have way way too much freedom and rights. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think kids should be completly beaten, but they should be held accountable for their actions. As far as his using a gun, in the states this is widely acceptable, as was stated especially the southern states, and I for one am fine with that. Accountablity is the main issue and for far too many parents are backing down from their children and letting their kids walk all over them and make up their own rules…and it needs to stop. That’s my 2 cents anyway.
Neither Dad nor Daughter are realistic.They’re both so busy trying to be right they’ve forgotten how to be kind. Since we know all behaviors are learned – the daughter apparently learned to be defiant, entitled and rude in much the same way the Dad learned how to be defiant, entitled and rude. I venture to say that the Dad probably had it worse than the daughter growing up. Why do you suppose he left the house when he was 15? He’s to be given credit for making a decent life for himself by finishing college and getting a job, but he’s failed the grade if he thinks his daughter should be just like him because he ‘said so’. Kids, generally, give us clues way before their teen years as the kind of behavior we can expect from them and, generally, these clues amount to how they’ve been treated. Dad demonstrated his behavior patterns by – first – acting superior with a ‘get even’ attitude and-secondly-by displaying the same behavior he resents in his daughter. They both need to look in the mirror to see exactly what it is that they don’t like and then either fix it, change it or take anger management classes. The apple never falls far from the tree.
I believe he is Father of the year. Yep. She is the unappreciative, disrespectful, public name calling daughter. He is the Dad, the adult, the one expected to continue to baby this child no matter what according to some of the responses here just because he is the parent. Relationships are two sided. Responsibility MUST be expected from both sides, not just one.
Obviously, something like this had happened before, she was grounded as a result, she blocked her folks from being able to see her wall posts, posted this obvious hate message about her family and how they wronged her blah blah blah…. oh and by the way Daddy…. my computer is messed up will you fix it for me? Oh…. and I want a new phone and camera too! Please Daddy!?
So, he fixed her computer and finds THAT! Can you say straw that broke the camels back?! He is at his whits end and if he didn’t do SOMETHING drastic she would be ruling that house very soon!
As parents we all make choices on discipline. I can almost guarantee you that NOW she believes she will not receive another laptop until she herself pays for it! He has made a believer out of her.
Mr. Father is NOT dad-of-the-year. It was very aggressive and powerfully angry behavior. Not funny, not cute…a very bad example of anger gone too far. TOO drastic. Wouldn’t the same effect come from forcing Miss Spoiled Daughter to actually have to hand her laptop over to a needy charity after Dad had wiped it clean of course?! That’s what parents of younger kids can do if they misuse or don’t pick up their toys…they have to donate them. It gets the same message across. Shame on people who use brute force to get their point across.
Hannah’s father has posted several updates himself since his video has gone viral, so we don’t have to wonder what his daughter’s response has been. This is no trigger-happy redneck; he’s an intelligent, articulate person who has some good things to say.
HOLD ON!!!! Problem is Facebook which ALLOWS a teen to block a parent from viewing their site. All parents should be able to view their child’s Facebook site without having to be an IT hacker!Anytime a child is allowed to usurp parental authority, assuming the parent is a reasonable caregiver, the consequences are always BAD! A Family Court judge recently gave my 14 year old ODD/ADD son complete control over every aspect of his life in that he does not have to answer to ANY adult and can do whatever he wants. The Judge removed all parental authority and my son is free to come and go as he pleases at all hours of the day and night, refuse to do homework or chores, and take anything out of my house whether I like it or not (video games, food, money, etc). My son was a college bound, all star athlete, honor student, and basic good kid who is now headed to a criminal lifestyle. I don’t condone shooting the laptop but I do understand the frustration of parenting in a world ruled by arrogant disrepectful teens.
I agree with what this father did. Hands down. Let’s not forget, the laptop could not actually have been paid for by his daughter, she doesn’t have a JOB. So, either he bought it or his ex-wife did, or his current wife did. So, based on what he said and the fact that each of those folks gave him permission to put a bullet in it for him, he destroyed property that was either his, or that of someone who gave him permission.
I did not see his action of shooting a laptop as intimidating. Sheesh, give me a break! He was making a point. You didn’t change your behavior the first time, so this time I’ll take away the chance for you to disrespect yourself and my family again. Period. Learn or I’ll change the situation so you cannot hurt yourself or others.
I live with an entitled, smart-mouthed, lazy, teenaged girl who makes similar poor choices. She knows EVERYTHING, everyone else is stupid and beneath her, and nothing gets through to her. Bet something like this would and perhaps might even save her life (or from having her teeth knocked down her throat) when she gets out into the “real world” where there are people who are not nearly as kind as me and my husband.
Although, I find the actions of the father to be extreme and not an effective way of teaching the lesson of respect to his daughter, I also believe that your way of thinking is the main reason why we, as a society, have lost control of our children. Since when do our children’s emotional distress over making coffee become an issue that we as parents have to think approach delicately? Since when is it normal for a child to spout obscenities and to publicly call her parents lazy? Since when was it okay for children to disrespect someone who works in their household and transfer their meager chores onto the help?
Laws that bind the hands of disciplinarians, Perception of a Child’s Worth and No Child Left Behind are the reasons why our children have no respect for anyone, why they feel that they can say or do anything with no consequences.(called punishment 20 years ago)
Less than a hundred years ago, children and their wants were not put first in a family. Parents worked, Children went to school or worked. Children were raised to love and fear their parents and rarely were they given anything that was not useful in everyday life.
Those children are what made our Country Great! Those children were the innovators and great inventors! Those children changed the way the world thought and practiced medicine. Those Children held a deep sense of pride for family and country.
So please tell me, what have our children accomplished in the last 25 years? 40 years? Other than make these wonderful, enjoyable electronic gadgets? Why are there so many people seeking and receiving public aid? Food Stamps? Why are our jails, prisons not big enough to hold all of the criminals?
It all boils down to the lack of Fear, brought about by the aforementioned reasons. Not the “I’ll beat you senseless fear” but the fear of condemnation, shame, disappointment and disgrace.
So to the dad who destroyed his daughters computer. I say kudos for trying. However, if it had been me, I would have made my daughter wrap it up and present her computer to someone more deserving of it.
Buy your daughter a diary so she can rant and rave all she wants about how life is so unfair.
You want her to get a job? Don’t buy anymore clothes for her. She’ll get a job soon enough.
I can understand how frustrated and dissapointed parents can get with children who are disrectful and feel entitled. I agree with him up to the point of shooting the laptop. I think he could have just taken it away, given it to some charity or other. No need to share such aggresivity and seemed rather violent and over-the-top to me. Certainly not setting an example for his daughter.
Bravo. It is very refreshing to see a father be a father. Kind off reminds me of my own father when I was rebellious. Don’t know whether I would have destroyed the laptop, but I would have made sure she never had one, a phone, ipad…., again under my roof. Though I doubt he will ever see the money he literally put in that laptop. No reason for a kid to have a Facebook page anyway.
Our children are being raised with the Lake Wobegone attitude that all children are above average. Nice dream. They need disipline and control, as well as love and care. They need to EARN their place in this world or they will never be able to live successfully in it. My younger daughter is steadily leaning towards that girl’s attitude. (Yes, she did see the video) She has problems stemming from her ODD, ADHD,Manic depressive younger brother.I think she is starting to get the picture. BUT, she doesn’t have a cell phone, nor does she have access to the computer unless my husband or I input the password. It is for homework only. Too bad. Kids realy don’t need those things. We didn’t.
Take back your right to be a parent. And BE a parent.
I think there are many of us who wish we had the nerve to pull this off. His daughter was the one who started airing the family laundry in public. It is time for her to take full responsibility for what she set in motion. There are consequences for public shows of disrespect in the real world. This looks to me like a life lesson that did not get her sued, cause her to lose her job, or put her at any risk. Her father did not rant and rave, held his tone and followed through with a calm and complete action. Whether I agree with the use of the gun is neither here nor there – if he had thrown it in the trash it would have been the same outcome. This young woman showed no respect for her family and was in fact devious and sneaky about her abuse of them behind their back. Her father on the other hand was open and honest and showed a united front by having his wife endorse the consequence. Parenting is no easy street and if my opinion counts (which it does not) he managed it the way he felt appropriate – an eye for an eye young lady! The internet is an open space for all the world to see and it works both ways, so dont think you can disrespect your family and not hurt them.
My reaction at this time is in support of the spirit of the father’s response. The daughter took the fight to the public forum when she posted it on Facebook. Dad tried the first time to handle it with private dignity. The message did not get through. His detailed response to her airing of ‘dirty laundry’ was straight forward and echoed the responses of many parents around the globe. His language was not offensive, but direct and parental. The destruction of her property, however understandable and gratifying to watch, appeared to be an impulse that might have found another outlet with further thought. I am not a fan of domestic gun ownership so I found that part over the top.
Well I believe the parent did the right thing especially since the daughter did it again. Also while the letter was supposedly directed to her parents she went out of her way and blocked them so they wouldn’t see it. Although you have to feel sorry for the daughter this is probably the only way she is going to learn her lesson.
Hurray DAD! Some times it takes an extreme example to get thru to kids. Apparently grounding didn’t work. It is time for parents to quit swaddling our brats. Tough love is sometimes necessary. He got his point across and I bet the next time she thinks about disrepecting Mom or Dad, she thinks about it first and keeps it to herself. We all have to control our actions and it is not automatic behavior. At some point in our lives we learned to control how we act and what we say, if not we end up in prison/jail or possibly worse dead.
Maybe I’am wrong about this , but it sounds like there maybe more going on than the public knows about . I agree that dad stood up to his child, because we all see parents getting run over by the next generation. I did it to mine ,and I’am sure my child will go through the same thing. posting this online for the WORLD to see, ok maybe.. hey my mom would pop me in Kmart if I was bad. pointing out to our children that certain behavior is wrong is the right thing to do ….but as gun advocate I think his actions are over the top. having a weapon is a cherished right among americans. using that weapon in defense of of our families is what makes us responsible…but using it to show your child that you are in control…in my opinion irresponsible. break it(the computer) over your knee… bash it with a bat, through it in the trash can. make the child pay for the trash pick up, but to unload your weapon into a laptop to prove your point to the world, DAD you should cherrish your family because no one knows what tomarrow may bring and what you have done,you could possibly regret the rest of your life. I sincerly hope that you and your family find peace in your lives .Daughter you might think this was in your favor no not really. look at the shame you have brought upon your family showing your disrepect to your Father to the world. it might be good to remember that what goes on facebook STAYS on face book. I also hope that you find a little more respect for your parents. writing what you have about your parents shows a total lack of respect for your family……I hope that this family can come through this because now the whole wide world knows….Good Luck
Awesome video. Finally a parent stood up and did something instead of kissing his kids behind. I think he made his point and that daughter will have truly learned a lesson. At times we have to do something drastic, because there are drastic consequences in this world and they need to learn that somehow. Parents need to stop being afraid of disciplining their children, and handing them everything that is not how the real world works. Make them work, earn some of their own money, contribute to their household they will respect you, and themselves.
What this Dad did was not only mature it was commendable. I feel his angst at a society that has coddled kids with timeout and rewards. I did this with mine too and they are turning out like the rest of them. They can’t work, they don’t do chores and they EXPECT phones, cars, computers and constant entertainment. Those making negative comments are either from this bad generation or they don’t care how their kids will turn out.
I have also been tempted SO many times to destroy the laptops we have bought for them (one for each!! how could we have been so unwise & STUPID) What stops me every single time is the fact that its my well meaning husband’s hard earned money that has gone into it. So Kudos to a father who recognised the need to get past that stumbling block and took the plunge and dished out what kids of today should have had coming to them ages ago. But the truth we parents have to face is – we ourselves make the mistake and then struggle to enforce the remedial measures. I mean we buy them the Itouch, the mobile, the laptop et al – against our better judgements, loose control over the kids and then Life is an endless struggle and tug of war. We permit them on facebook when they are underage and then don’t like their statuses or comments. I can’t think of any other solution to this except – try to keep life as simple as possible. Atleast thats my advice to parents who haven’t thrown themselves of their own volition into this madness. If there is just one desktop in the house that all HAVE TO share, scope is lesser for a lot of problems. The concept of sharing stays alive. Having just a desktop, only in the family room, where screen is visible too all at any time, no need for wifi (or the laptop can then be permitted into the house, isn’t it?!) All in all frugalism and conservatism seems to be the best path. Too big a deal is being made our about the father having used the gun. Everyone is digressing form the actual point the father is making. The idea that the present generation has that – “Anything goes”, “Who Cares”, “I care a Damn” – has to stop. They have to learn that – They HAVE to “care”. Gadgets are becoming more important that Human values. Luxuries are being considered basic “needs” that they are entitled to, have a “right” to. Unless we do something about it, the time is not far when right in the room next to the net addict or the person with a earphone & ipod – somebody has a heart attack and even dies. when this gen next is onto these things – they are totally, totally “Off” all other things. They are slowly but surely – forgetting to be human, how to interact with humans. They talk virtually, with virtual friends, forget hunger ( I have taken full advantage of that fact, just to wait and watch how long it will be before they realise hunger has attacked them) Parents – just think about it.
This appears to be a consequence (not punishment)to me and a valuable lesson in empathy. Dad handled the video in a calm and respectful manner. He clearly states that Hannah had a previous consequence for inappropriate facebook postings not so long ago. He clearly stated to her then “if you do it again, the consequence will be worse”…he followed through with that statement to her and provided a stronger consequence for this second offense. He idicated that all Hannah’s parents were in agreement to the consequence; his wife and ex-wife. He held her accountable and responsible for the costs involved, right down to the bullets. He gave her the opportunity to experience what people feel when they are talked about negatively, or in a way that may be embarrassing, publicly on facebook…which she clearly needs to understand so she has a chance at developing a sense of empathy for other people’s feelings. Her ranting and raving on FB was selfish, acting-out which is not normal! This is the type of cyber-bulling behavior we need to nip in the bud with these kids. This Dad clearly put time, thought and effort into Hannah’s consequence. I get the feeling He did it for good reason…to teach his daughter a FEW valuable lessons in life!! I saw nothing in this video to indicate agressive behavior, or intimadation. He put bullets into a laptop for goodness sakes people! Are we viewing laptops as living things now-a-days? I never saw anything or heard him say anything that would suggest that he would be “intimidating” in a aggressive manner toward his daughter. If she feels intimidated that he will provide consequences for breaking the rules…Thats a good thing! I beleive if I broke the law I’d feel intimadated by the police, or a judge…RIGHT? If she had no fear of any consequences…That would be a problem! I understand some of you would have liked to see the laptop go to a needy family as a donation, but it wouldn’t have had the same impact! it certainly would not have gotten all this attention would it? In my oppinion, This was a strong, concrete, united consequence given out of love and out of a concerned parents’hope to produce a caring, upstanding citizen out of their daughter. Another way to look at the bullets in the laptop is that Dad was PUTTING AN END to the PIECE OF EQUIPTMENT THAT WAS GETTING HIS DAUGHTER INTO A LOT TROUBLE!! WHY pass that same peice of equipment on? Sometimes it just feels right to destroy machines that deliver such destruction (ya get what I mean??) Think about it! I appreciate the time and effort this father put into this video. I have to say I really did LOVE IT!
This dad was fairly level headed about his response to being hurt and disrespected. Each of us may have handled it slightly differently but that’s not really important. What bother’s me about these comments are the people who always blame the parent, or think that all children’s behavior is learned from the parents. Sorry, but you’re wrong. Behavior is a mixture of inborn personality and learning from example. Keep in mind though that home is not the only place the examples come from. As soon as a child goes to day care or school or watches TV they are learning behaviors from others and developing expectations about life. We live in a very confusing culture which seems to revel in adolescent behavior. Just as parents have a responsibility to love, protect and care for their children, children also have a responsibility to respect their elders and strive to understand what their parents are trying to teach them. Parent/child relationships are not meant to be a one way street with the parents doing all the giving, and kids need to stop thinking that they deserve to live an easy life with all the perks of material abundance at the parents expense. Do you think you could do better than this dad? You have not lived in his shoes and she is not your daughter so you don’t really know.
I think dinner time at this family home is probably fairly peaceful and most likely respectful! It is pretty clear what this father is like. He respects others; his wife, his ex-wife, Linda (I beleive is her name, the woman who cleans his home), his daughter, other parents, other teens, and himself. He is trying very hard to get this message accross to his daughter! Hopefully he did! He also does a lot of caring, thoughtful things for Hannah…that’s obvious as he states the time and money he had recently spent for her wants. He talks about her going to college…it all sounds like a family with good values and moral and hopeful future goals for Hannah. I think dinnertime is nice at their house! And if it isn’t…i’m guessing their is ONE entitled, spoiled person who is pouting at the table…Hannah, who may still be trying to grow up and be half the respectable person her father is. Hopefully she is getting there!!
The challenges that any parent has with their child is not a battle for winners and losers. Build nurturing relationships, deal with disappointment and frustration as a parent would without destroying the trust you have with your child or humiliating them in the process. You don’t have to approve or condone your child’s behavior, but there are potentially long term consequences to your relationship. You can have a million views and the cathartic support of thousands of parents who share similar frustrations, but are you improving the situation or making it worse?
As much as I think it was pretty great this dad responded..I do think he went over the top and regardless of how much 15 year old acted I would never do this to him. I think its probably made their relationship a lot worse and I worry about the repercussions of this ofr the 15 year old. The internet is not a nice place. There was the youtube video made by an 8 year old girl who got completely destroyed by trolls and people writing horrible comments about her. She even made another video begging people to stop and that they ruined her lives. I can only imagine what this 15 year old got in terms of comments. No one deserves this.
Did he go too far in getting the gun? Possibly, but I would like to commend him for being involved enough in his daughter’s life that he is aware of her Facebook updates. Many parents just let their kids have free-range of the computer without any supervision whatsoever. While I don’t necessarily think he deserves Father of the Year award, kudos to him for monitoring his daughter’s behavior and doing what he can to keep it inline.
I wonder how it would have worked out to sell the laptop (she can use family computer in middle of house for homework), phone, ipad, etc and use the money to have a nice parents night out to recover from what they’d read that their daughter had posted. Either that or take them until they’d had an open discussion about her feelings and everyone’s behavior at home. Every kid feels some of those things, they just don’t post them on FB. But no parent should ever give a child that kind of a childish/over-the-top/ or repulsive response to anything they do or say.
I felt Dad’s pain when he read his daughters comments on FB, it does hurt when our children talk behind our backs like that, but at the same time, it is informative to know how our kids feel and it gives us an opportunity to ask ourself what can be done about these feelings our kids are bottling up inside of them. I agree, a lot of American kids have a silver platter served to them by parents and then when they get into it frustrates us. We must remember, everyone is different and this younger generation is no different than when Socrates taught the youth in Athens, he stated something in regards to their disrespectful attitude and I thought to myself, hmm…sounds like this generation. I was shocked to see that Socrates had said it about the youth back in his time. It brings to mind that we as parents must remember that our teens are going through adolescence and that teenage rebellion is apart of life, they are reaching out for their independence, we as the adult need to spend quality time to get to know what their desires and their passions are in life. I am not the greatest parent, infact, my daughter is very outspoken within a culture that forbids girls to speak out, but when she does, the adults look at her and ask what college she attends.
I must admit, Hanna does have a point regarding being compensated for chores. If we could bring it to a tax deduction level, that would be even better! Hannah darling, be glad your dad doesn’t charge you rent or have you pay for electricity and water. Freedom will pay off when you listen to your parents. Good luck.
Personally I think he is an inspiration to all us dads and especially step-dads. These days our kids are desensitized, you have to do something drastic to get their attention. This guy did just that and I bet his daughter will obviously resent what he did but in time will understand. If this had been the first time she did what she did I would NOT agree with his actions but I know what it is like to keep getting on to a child over and over for something and you get tired and frusterated. I think he figured out an inovative way to put a stop to it and get her attention. The catch is, what he does now, that he has her attention. Father of the year…sure why not. In my opinon he cared enough about her to step up and address what was goin on! If only I could figure out a way to get my step-daughter to realize I love and respect her, but to stop disrespecting me as he did!
FANTASTIC IDEA DAD …. I HAVE A FILTHY MOUTHED, UNGREATFUL, DISRESPECTFUL, NEVER GUILTY, LYING, MANIPULATING, 11 YEAR OLD SON WHO REFUSES TO CHANGE HIS WAYS! I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY THE FRUSTRATION OF YOUR OWN CHILD’s REFUSAL TO EVER APPRECIATE THE REALLY NICE LIFE HE HAS FILLED WITH BLESSINGS, LOVE AND DEDICATION FROM ALL OF US WHO WANT NOTHING BUT APPRECIATION IN RETURN WITH RESPECT, SUSSESS AND UNSTOPPABLE ACHIEVEMENTS EVERY SINGLE DAY SHOULD BRING ! THE GUN AIN’T HURTING ANYTHING BUT A STUPID LAPTOP & IM GUESSING THAT HER FRIENDS WILL LAUGH ALL DAY LONG TO THIS VIDEO WHILE SHE’S NOW LOOKING REAL SILLY … DEFINITLY WHAT SHE DESERVED!
Congratulations to this Father. As a parent, he had all he could stand. Most of us parents don’t have PhD’s. We have to use the trial and error method. Was his reaction the most appropriate one? Probably not. Did he get her attentn without laying a finger on her? You bet he did! He probably worked and paid for her laptop, iPod, and cell phone. She, like so many other kids, just think the world owes them a living. Lack of consequences. I bet she’s mad as he’ll, however, I bet she’ll think twice before showing disrespect to her Father again. If he doesn’t get a grip on her now, he will be like I am, supporting not only my totally disrespectful twenty year old, his wife and their two year old. I’m 53 years old, divorced and work my butt off to pay not only their rent and utilities but to also buy everything the baby needs and their cigarettes. Yes, I know, the alt native is for them to be homeless. I can’t live with that. I adopted my son as an premature infant. He had a rough go, we spoiled him, gave him too much! Always tried to hold his feet to the fire when it came to keeping him line. Nothing worked, he walked all over me. He has always had issue in school his whole life, good grades, smart. Just didn’t know how to deal with him. Don’t ever overindulge you’re child. Have them work for at least half the price of what it is they desire. It’s the only way they will appreciate having anything. Don’t you remember wanting something for a long time as a child before you got it for Christmas or birthday. The anticipation is part of the process. Yeah, I know so and so down the streets Parents got them one, they didn’t have to earn it. Don’t fall for that trap. It’s a dead end street. Being from the south myself, I think his behavior was a perfect example of a man taking charge and making a statement. This wasn’t her first rodeo, she pushed a long time. I’d bet my paycheck on it, that is if I didn’t have to give it to my son!!!!
I can’t understand how a parent can react like that using an arm to post on her dauther’s facebook, what he wants to demostrate with that kind of violence, he has all the right to be mad but but I don’t think he use the right way
I’m fighting to hold back tears .. and losing. I felt it as ‘dad’ was coldly expressing his disappointment in his daughter. I was transported into feeling how she must have felt watching him.
He was angry. He didn’t wait to cool off. Felt like he was throwing his own tantrum ( in response to her’s) … but he had a gun … and the power of parental approval and its withholding to wield against her.
With the ‘hahaha I got you back & even better!’ that is so typical of teenagers, ‘dad’ threw HIS tantrum … shaming his little girl, humiliating her to the world at large, showing her how much power he can muster, punishing her with apparent glee and throwing her away ..
Where was his unconditional, parental love? None showed. Nothing was said .. or done .. with any hint of love, of concern, of caring, of “Daddy”
She is a 15 year old girl.
That’s still a little girl on the inside, looking more adult-like on the outside, but not yet there. Not even close. A girl, struggling desperately to be ‘not’ a little girl anymore, to be independent, struggling to grow up, to separate from her parents (as we all have done.)
A 15 year old girl, who needs her parents’ love more than ever .. to support her in the incredibly difficult and scary process of pulling away from them and “learning” to stand on her own.
A 15 year old girl, who needs her friends’ love more than ever .. to support her as she psychologically sets out on her own.
‘Dad’ and ‘Mom’ .. you were angry. Understandable. Were you hurt? Did it help to turn around and give that back ‘in kind’ to your little girl?
How did she feel when she posted her original letter? How did she feel when you posted your reply?
Hers was a once-composed letter. Yours sounds like an ongoing punishment that will have no end.
We don’t know why she was so angry with you. But wonder, why are you soooo angry with her .. angry far, far beyond simply the reaction to the mere ‘childish’ Facebook postings of a 15 year old ‘child’?
She is the 15 year old, in the midst of the hardest period of a human’s life.
You and your wife are the adults.
When was the last time you:
Told her she was smart? Told her she was cool?
Told her you like her?
Told her you are proud of her?
Told her that you love her?
‘Dad’ as I watched you and as I suddenly felt myself in your daughters’ place, I felt many emotions I feel she might have felt.
I felt wounded for her. I felt abandoned for her. I felt punished far beyond the crime for her. I felt small and unworthy and unneeded for her. I felt hopeless for her. I felt unloved for her. My heart ached for her and I cried.
[In case you think I can't possible understand how it feels, I too am a parent .. with a 14 year old, and a 15 year old. They are wonderful, beautiful souls. But they have their struggles too. The thing that comes up almost daily, is how much they "hate" me and how hard I make their lives. (then other times in brief teeny little voices, they can admit how fragile they feel and how almost any any any comment from me just feels like criticism) - so I too struggle with the enormously hard feelings of being hated/rejected by those I adore. And THAT is MY job to overcome, not theirs.]
I think that shooting the computer was probably not a good idea but I do agree with publishing his anger in facebook. These are the means and the tools that our children use and if we need to communicate with them we need to use them too.
If the child has been already warm about innapropiate comments in facebook and apparently did not get the message, by her father posting his reaction about her in facebook I feell she gets a clear and direct message of how do you feel when you are the object of the comments. NOwadays, childre lack a lot of empaty.
I understand that some people may feel that this man’s reaction was extreme, but how disrespected do you think that he felt to see the child that he and his wife feed, clothe and take care of when she’s ill, making those comments in a public forum? She feels that she should be paid for doing chores, but she doesn’t pay rent, buy food, she doesn’t buy her own clothes or even pay for the internet connection that she used to bash her parents. I recognize that her parents did not raise her to be that way and their anger is due to multiple disappointments. Unfortunately, this is common behavior for children these days because there are no consequences for their actions, and because parents today tend to give children things because they want their children to have it easier than they did. When I was coming up, we had to earn things and we knew that everyone in the family contributed to the household in some way. And children knew their place and would have never dreamed of speaking to or about their parents as if they were equals.
Empowering parents, at the time as a single mother of 4 boys. I can relate to his frustration, I thought I was doing all the right things, only to be disrespected, lied to and about. I would get yelled at when I would remind them about their chores. I would be left a bigger mess in the house when I would ground them; it only seems to punish me when that would happen. They wore me down to the point I didnâ€™t care anymore, the youngest of the 4 got away with everything because I didnâ€™t have the strength anymore to argue or discipline. I totally agree with what he did and for the reasons he did it. We canâ€™t spank our kids or hit them (wrong parenting) we have to wait to do or say anything to them, scolding out of anger only makes it worse. I feel he dealt with this in an adult mature manner. To be honest I donâ€™t want my kids wiping my ass when I get too old to do it myself, if they took care of me the way they took care of their chores I would lay in my own shit for weeks. I would go hungry, just getting a card from them took a fight. I think now after the years have gone by, I gave them too much and spoiled them. Today they arenâ€™t independent or self-motivated they feel I still owe them something, which I feel I gave enough out of love, friendship and mothering. If I knew then what I know now it would be a completely different story. By the way the only chores they had to do on their own were their bedrooms. They learned how to use the washer/dryer and safe cooking skills. They were rewarded by getting a movie or going to the mall, they were taken on day trips to nowhere and vacations yearly. Their cell phone was paid for just for doing their chores. I was told by a few people that Iâ€™m a great mom.
Instead of destroying the laptop…..I’d have wiped it clean (IT knowledge is handy), and I’d have shown it being donated to a school or other organization that could have put it in the hands of a needy (and appreciative) other child. That teaches a bigger lesson……she’s not entitled to non-essential items, and if she doesn’t appreciate what she has, there are others who no doubt will
i think this parents behaviour is totally unacceptable. his daughter is a teenager ‘letting off steam’ – instead of getting out his gun and getting all macho he should have just ignored his daughter’s ranting – after all, if his behaviour is indicative of his parenting style then it’s not wonder his daughter felt aggrieved at her treatment. what is he going to do if she announces she is pregnant/excluded from school – go on a shooting spree?
I have a son that has repeatedly done things he should not be doing on his laptop. Unfortunately, in today’s society everything has to be done electronically and while we have taken away his laptop at home he has a netbook that is “required” at school. What did taking his laptop away at home do for this situation? Nothing. He still has access. I would take him down to make him sell his laptop but he doesn’t care because he still has all the access to the internet, and other computer stuff through school. He has been in trouble with the school and has had detentions because of the stuff he is doing on his netbook. He downloads games, movies, etc. What do you expect a child to do when you have placed the world in their hands and gave them free run? Teenagers have always spoke about their parents and gone on frustrated rants etc. When I was younger your parents didn’t know because you weren’t posting it for the entire world you were talking to a friend or you were writing a note to someone (which if you were a smart kid you would not put it in writing). Everyone needs to vent, kids just don’t talk in person or on the phone anymore, so there is more of a trail the parents can follow. Information overload these days for kids and parents. God only knows what kind of trouble I would have been in growing up if my parents knew what I said to my friends about them, but it was just me finding an outlet. The father was rightly upset, but the daughter was just trying to vent and get some feelings aired out like everyone needs to do. She needs to figure out a smarter way to release those feelings.
He was not being a good father in shooting her laptop, ect. He doesn’t know anything about boundaries; the jails are full of these kind of people who do not have any respect for boundaries. He did it so calmly, as if he is used to violating her boundaries, or blind to any boundaries.
The laptop was a gift & you can’t take back a gift & destroy it because a person complained about you. People are entitled to complain, it’s a way to get it off their chest. Is he a dictator too, that she is not allowed to vent what she feels like? She didn’t want him upset, it wasn’t to hurt him. That’s why she blocked him from seeing it.
Also,there should be Child Protection intervention so that the daughter can be moved a good, safe home with adults who will care about her, nurture & cherish her, respect her boundaries & not buy her expensive gadgets. I think people who buy kids expensive gadgets do not do it out of love, but a love of show instead. Or an ego trip of their own, so everyone can see they provide the best for their child. It is not cruel to let a child work for the non essentials.
First, any negative comments towards “dad” from people who have not raised a teenager recently, or ever, should be null an void! Give me a break, she was warned once before and grounded. Apparently that didn’t work! Maybe next time she’ll think about the consequences of her actions. So many teenagers now have no consequences!! He didn’t seem “out of control angry” when he shot the laptop. He wasn’t physically harming anyone. I wish that I had had the guts to do this with my daughter when she was a teenager. But, no, I felt guilty and afraid that she wouldn’t like me…blah blah blah! Hind sight is 20/20. I think he did his daughter a great service for her future!!!
After I disciplined my daughter for stealing the car when she had no license or insurance, being a good parent, or so I thought, taking away her Iphone for punishment, she snuck out the window and called the Sheriff from the neighbors. They told me to let her stay there for the night since we were fighting, and they could/would arrest ME for taking away her ability to call 911. So, think about it before you run out and buy your lovely teenager that phone and think your going to use it to discipline them.
This is very dominative behaviour, and we don’t know how long he has been doing it.
She set it to private, and it weird that he stalks his own daughter on facebook, when she set this so that it was meant to be a rant to friends.
He has violated her privacy, and who knows how he sets the rules in the house…
Perhaps he is very domineering, and instead of letting the kid enjoy the last bit of childhood, sits on his butt, asking the girl to clean up, get him drinks…I’ve seen this type of dad, just replace coffee with beer.
She is also right about old age; you can’t abuse and humiliate your kids, shoot their things and expect them to care for you in old age.
This is very immature parental behaviour, and to make a video that will circulate everywhere… is a form of bullying.
This is fantastic. Maybe he should have taken these kind of measures earlier on to avoid such rude disrespect from his child. In life there are consequences so why should childhood be any different. Isn’t it our job as parents to teach our kids to be respectable, productive adults? Adults who disrespect authority lose jobs, go to jail, and many other consequences. What kind of parent allows that? Not this one. Way to Go Dad!!!