Sound off: Should a 6-year-old be Evicted from Her Grandparents’ Home?
Posted By: Elisabeth Wilkins, EP Editor
Category: News
Comments: 11
Grandparents in Lagos, Florida are fighting to keep their 6 year-old grand daughter Kimberly from being evicted from their retirement community.
They have been caring for Kimberly for five years, since her drug-addicted mother was forced to give up custody. Her grandparents, Jimmie and Judy Stottler, have been trying to sell their home in the retirement community (reducing the price from $225,000 to $129,000) but there are still no takers. There is now a very real possibility that if a judge decides Kimberly can’t stay that she will be placed in a foster home and lose the only parents she’s ever really known.
Millions of grandparents are raising their grandkids across North America. It’s hard for me to understand the lack of compassion this retirement community is showing the Stottler’s. I’m sure they have their reasons, but…really? They’d rather force a child into foster care than give these people a break?
Where do you stand on this issue? Should Kimberly be evicted, or should the judge rule in favor of the Stottler’s?
11 Responses
If you find any comments that are rude or inappropriate, please contact us immediately.
Leave a Comment
The Empowering Parents Blog values your opinions and encourages you to add your comments to this discussion. Wherever possible, we will post comments exactly as they come in. We reserve the right to edit comments for clarity, exclude questionable matters, and delete off-topic comments. We ask that you refrain from discussing topics of a political or religious nature. EP is a website that focuses on issues of child behavior and parenting. We ask that you do not promote one religious or political view over another. Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to every question posted on our blog. Empowering Parents encourages its readers to participate by weighing in with suggestions and advice.
November 8th, 2009 at 7:12 am
Don’t get me going…I unfortunately have first hand experience that the legal system is not necessarily about justice.
When compassion leaves the equation, and the facts, just the facts are used as the plumb line, we are in trouble.
I rally around justice issues; may have to get loud about this one…
November 9th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
I was nearly physically sick when I saw this story. I’ve got news for North Americans. If you take the grandparents out of the equation, we will see legions of children in foster care. I think grandparents are literally holding together the fabric of our society and saving a generation of children from certain peril. We need to do everything we can to support the grandparents who are raising our kids, including changing the association rules for a 6-year-old who has nowhere else to go. The outcome of this family’s situation is extremely important. I want to believe that compassion will prevail, but I fear that it will not. And God help us all if it doesn’t.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:00 am
If the retirement community wants them out then they should buy the home for top dollar and pay the difference, if any, between the old home and the new. We live in a country that shows no compassion or respect for anyone. A little common decency would go a long way in so many difficult situations.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
I to am a grand parent raising grand children..I also know how the courts work, & it is not always best for the children..I hope, & pray that this little one will be able to stay with the only family that she knows..I know I have had my grand children longer than the Mother, & now the mom is doing better, she could take me to court & get the kids back, they do not even want to talk on the phone to her most of the time, the little one also has refused to see her many times, then the mom tells the child he has to see her..I have gone against the grain, & get flack from the Mom..My thoughts & prays go out to you & may it work for the little one…you are really giving this child a place & a chance to become something…not saying some foster homes are good, but so many more are not..good luck…
November 10th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Personally, I have been struggling with this question. I don’t understand where our compassion has gone. I truly don’t think this would have happened even twenty years ago, but maybe I’m naive here. I love what “mom who values grandparents” has to say — the retirement community should pay top dollar for the old home if they want them to leave.
I am really hoping that the judge who gets this case exercises wisdom and compassion.
November 10th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
It wasn’t these Grandparents fault for having to care for a grandchild, and the community should find someway that the child can stay the child has been through enough without another rejection, I am sorry that we in our Great Country have to have such rigid rules, Hey get a heart bend a little, LOVE A CHILD, I am Grandmother to 11 children and would like to see someone tell me they couldn’t live with me if the situation warrented.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
When I initially saw this story on NBC, my reaction was like those posted here, i.e., that the association of the retirement community was without compassion and being very unfair. However, realizing that the news is rarely without bias these days, and that their chief goal seems to be to promote controversy, I thought that I should try to look at both sides equally. I also knew that I bring my own bias to the situation, as a parent and permanent custodian of my stepdaughter’s son. One of the things that struck me was that this disagreement had been going on for about five years, which seems to be from the time that the grandparents assumed custody. It appeared to me that the grandparents largely ignored the association until the housing market took a turn for the worse, leaving them in the position of having to reduce the asking price of their home. Taken at face value, the report would make you feel sorry for their plight. But, if they did nothing to find other housing for a few years until the association took legal action, the story appears a bit different to me. In my personal situation, my husband and I had purchased a home that was not especially suited to raising small children with the assumption that we would be empty nesters in a few years. A couple of years later we took the responsibility of raising a toddler (now six years) who will undoubtedly be with us for the rest of his life. Things change and we have to deal with the consequences. Certainly I wish that the other residents of their community would simply allow them to stay, but they all moved there with the idea and legal committment that it would be an adult community. The girl’s grandparents moved there with that idea and their situation changed. Part of taking the responsibility of parenting their grandchild is doing what they have to do to accommodate their family situation. I fear that my comments will be seen as unfeeling (and they are not) but it sounds as if the association has been patient in giving the grandparents five years to resolve their living situation and that they are taking legal action to enforce the rules of the community. Another thought - wouldn’t the child be happier where there are other small children around? I do not want to see her placed in foster care, but I think that her grandparents need to take some action.
November 10th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
bobbysom: Thank you for your comments, and for offering another perspective on this issue. First of all, I want to tell you and all the other grandparents out there raising their grandchildren how much I admire and respect what you’re doing. It’s not easy raising children, and I can only imagine how many many extra considerations there are when it comes to grandkids. I also agree that this child would be happier in a neighborhood where there are other children — and in one where there isn’t so much resentment toward her.
I guess I understand where the other people in the community are coming from, but I wish they could all come up with some kind of compromise that wouldn’t place this child (who by all accounts seems happy and well-adjusted) in a foster care situation with strangers. Legally, they are probably right, but morally…I’m not so sure.
November 10th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
I am a grandmother who just got permanent guardianship of my 5 yr old grandson and I also have my 17 yr old grandson living with me. They have been living on and off mostly on in my home since 2005. When my husband died I thought of moving to a mobile home community age 55 and older. But since I knew there was the probablity that my daughter would turn to drugs again, which she did, I did not move.
I can understand these grandparents wanting to stay put because it is so important for a young child to have the stability of the home they have always known. Even my older boy calls this his home, kids need this security. I know the retirement community is afraid they are setting a precident in letting them stay. Maybe at this point a solution will be for them to move and rent out their home.
Whatever happens I wish them luck and applaud them for doing what’s right.
November 11th, 2009 at 11:25 am
I especially like what mommygrandma says about perhaps renting their home out and moving. It certainly could be a win/win situation. My son and his family (three children) have been living with me since 2003, a year after I was widowed. Because of job situations, I am the one who can qualify for a home loan and they cannot. So I buy the home and we all make accommodations for each other and live in beautiful harmony. My sweet daughter-by-love has been very precious to me as she was the one who suggested we should support each other and move in together. I hope and pray that other families will be moved to return to the values that were around in the 1960’s even.
November 12th, 2009 at 9:43 am
What a thought-provoking issue here — one that clearly inspires a lively conversation! The comments thus far all have very good points. I especially like hearing from the grandparents who are caring for their grandchildren — very eye-opening! And yes, I think this is an situation that perhaps would not have even been an issue 40 years ago …