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Believe it or not, parents are starting to use the wisdom of the Dog Whisperer as they raise their children.
At first, I have to admit I was a bit skeptical. I grew up with animals and I love them, but my feathers get ruffled when people compare their dog to my child, or infer that you should treat your child like a dog. You know, one of those conversations where you’re explaining how your kid is misbehaving and making you crazy, and then some well-intentioned soul pipes up with, “Oh, my dog does the same thing. I know how you feel.” (Really? Because the last time I looked, your dog didn’t have a frontal lobe or opposable thumbs.)
But then I read this article in the New York Times. Apparently, moms and dads out there are having some success using Cesar Millan’s advice when it comes to their kids. It mentioned how Brenna Hicks (a blogger and counselor from Florida) applies the “Always show your dog who’s master” philosophy to raising kids. She maintains that you should always act like the “alpha dog” of the pack. (I guess that means that our kids will “smell the fear” on us?) But I do get that — being calm, assertive and confident with your kids goes a long way in getting them to respect you and the rules.
According to the NYT article and other interviews I’ve read with him, Cesar Millan says that parents ask him questions all the time about their kids. His philosophy? “In America, kids have too many options when they only need one: Just do it.” He also says that in Mexico (his country of origin) “the elder is always the pack leader.”
He’s got a point!
Now if I could just get my barking to sound authoritative enough. Woof.
P.S. Be sure to check out James Lehman’s upcoming article in EP about kids who want to be the “alpha dog” in the family.
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December 5th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Hahaha, Ahroofff! Thank you for the smile this afternoon Elisabeth. I was just telling a friend of mine that some of the greatest advice I received (before having children) was that working with children is a lot like working with dogs when training them. This was from a woman, who was a fantastic music therapist and a terrific dog trainer, hense I gad a great deal of respect for her
. To this day I think of her when I proclaim to my wanna-be Alpha child (while placing him/her in time out) “SIT!” “Stay.”. WOOF! 
December 5th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
We have two intense personality kids who seem to rule the ‘pack’ Our daughter is almost 18 and our son is 14. My wife and I both are gentle spirits who have found the raising of these kids quite challenging; we do want to be those assertive parents, but I know I feel that it seems too late to make any changes. Any suggestions?
December 8th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
I often wondered why someone would be insulted by refering to humans (chidren or adults) as animals since that is what we are. But I do see your point about the opposable thumbs and all! But the basics in science behind the techniques in dog training ARE the same behind the science of kid training. It’s all behaivoral science. So it made sense that there would be some similarities (and some differences).
Diskgolfdad- I always wanted to be the “cool” mom in my kids’ lives because that’s what my mom was. But I found it hard to balance that with the authority I needed to make my children listen. I often just pretended not to notice the bad behavior because that was easier than confronting it. I became overly permissive because I did not want to be the bad “guy” in the situation.
But then I had the epiphany. You can be gentle AND firm. It’s about having a backbone. Make that gentle side of you work for your benefit and that of your children. You won’t ever have 100% control of your child (nor should you if you want to them to be able to learn to make responsible choices on their own) but you can be in charge and that’s what chidren need to learn.
Parents are in charge and that’s the bottom line.
December 8th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
I forgot to add that it is never too late change your parenting approach with discipline. In fact, it may even be easier if your child is old enough to explain that there are going to be changes made.
December 8th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Melody, I’m glad we’re on the same wavelength here!
To Diskgolfdad: Thanks so much for your comments. I don’t think it’s ever too late to make changes, and I applaud you for trying. Please stay tuned for next week’s EP — James Lehman has a great article coming on how to manage your “alpha dog” child. I think you’ll find it really helpful.
Heather, I loved what you said about being gentle and firm. So true! That’s going to be my new mantra.
December 8th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
I had a very strong-willed black lab puppy before I was pregnant with my very strong-willed son. I’ve always said my pup was sent to me to give me the training I’d need to raise my son! Neither were small feats! I think it’s very similar in the most primordial of ways.
I am very introverted myself, so the training was definately needed. I even now have a friend that reminds me to be an Alpha mom. Alpha Moms unite!
December 8th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Well, will someone PLEASE give me the instructions on how to become an alpha parent???? I’ve always been told I have very little backbone, am patient and soft-spoken. My 9-year-old has become quite a challenge over the last year. I know he smells fear all over me! HELP!
December 8th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Lukesnana: I have a great article for you to read on this very subject:
http://www.empoweringparents.com/Are-You-Afraid-of-Your-Acting-Out-Child.php
It has really changed how I parent. There’s even a Part II on how to get back parental authority:
http://www.empoweringparents.com/7-Ways-to-Get-Back-Your-Parental-Authority.php
Good luck! And remember, we’re all in this together.
December 8th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
LisaS: I loved hearing how raising your puppy helped prepare you for parenting. (That’s a very smart way to do a trial run.) Hurray for Alpha Moms! (And Alpha-Moms-in-Training
)
January 5th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Hello, I just joined but I am looking forward to getting involved here. I have had quite a bit of experience with disobedient dogs…I have had some successful experiences and not so successful experiences. Let me catch up on some reading but glad to be here.