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Parents, have you heard anything like this lately?
- A co-worker tells his boss that the young man sitting out in the lobby waiting for an interview has brought his mother along and wants her to go on the tour of the facility.
- Someone is fired because after two years, her work product still has too many errors.  Six months prior in a performance review (where the two managers spelled out very clearly that accuracy and attention to detail needed to dramatically improve), she seemed unfazed, unconcerned and proved to be unable to train herself to double check her work before she passed it to the next party.
- A neighbor calls to say she is worried about her son who works part-time and then spends the rest of his time playing video games and going to the gym.  When chided by dad to turn off the game station and pitch in with laundry and dishes, the son gently reassures his father that he probably wouldn’t have time for that as he knows he will soon be hired at a place where management will treat him with respect and pay him what he is worth.
The new hire at your brother’s office is always late. Even though there is a big project due mid-day, the new guy leaves to work out over his lunch hour and then looks surprised when HR requested that future forward he is to shower and change out of his work out gear before returning to his desk.
Does this seem hard to believe?
Generation Y children are born between 1978 and 1990. Prepare yourself for these and more incredulous moments if you are hiring a Generation Y worker. And brace yourself if you are a parent shouldering the blame for creating this generation of why-should-I-work-hard-for-you workers.
You may be asking yourself, “Since when has putting child-rearing as a top priority been a bad thing?” (Since Generation X grew up, I guess.)
And it isn’t just the endless activities, the effort to build confidence, or the willingness to adapt to umpteen scheduled activities that has caused the uproar. It’s all of that plus the intelligence and worldliness of Generation Y’s experience with global technology and the constant need for communication that has taught them to focus largely on short-term rewards and to look out for themselves above all others. After all, isn’t ”short-term” exactly how we treat the environment, the market, the entertainment that we consume on a daily basis?
Bruce Tulgan, author of Not Everyone Gets a Trophy believes globalization and technology has shaped Gen Y’ers into young adults who seek to maximize tangible benefits and their connections to people in power. After all, most of them are working in unstable institutions with uncertain futures. Knowing that industry is ever-changing and aware that today’s cutting edge is likely tomorrow’s old Facebook look, Gen Yers question authority, command an ever-present access to accurate research via technology and have mastered the short-term goal of focusing their brilliant ideas and earning their trophies.
In Tulgan’s words, “Generation Y is like Generation X on-fast-forward-with-self-esteem-on-steroids….[their parents] have guided, directed, supported, coached, and protected…and structured.” Not surprisingly, most Gen Y employees report that they love their parents, trust them, and will continue to seek advice from them even from the workplace cubicle via the ever present cell phone. (And they have been known to bring their parents in to work or have them call you to clarify your needs, without any of that debilitating embarrassment factor!) Yes, bosses report more and more that mom and dad are calling to inform employers of the gifts of Susie Q and sometimes chide them for expecting too many hours at the workplace.
According to experts, the best place for a Gen Y worker is at a company that can offer a flexible reward system that includes monetary incentives, time off, varying start times, and has a supervisory staff willing to teach the basic skills of good manners, critical thinking, and what the consequences are for one’s actions.
(Sigh. I thought that was what I have been doing? Or haven’t I?)
Annita Woz is a mother of three, writer and parent blogger for EP. To read Annita’s bio, click here.
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December 15th, 2009 at 8:32 am
I have worked in public schools for many years. Ms. Woz hits it right on. Not all, but more and more parents work against the schools at all odds–how dare the school have high expectations of their child or any expectations. Educating our youths is getting harder and harder, mainly due to lack of parent support instead they make up excucses for the child or take the blame themselves to cover for the child. I have seen a big change in work ethics in the young employees hired in the past 5 years. It’s really sad.
December 15th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Annita, thanks for this great post. I like that you mentioned the positive traits Gen Y’ers share, too, like the fact that they love and trust their parents a great deal, and that they are very adept when it comes to technology. I’m hoping they will eventually be able to make it on their own — without the need for continuous parental hand-holding!
December 15th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
as Educator says, the work ethic has changed…I have seen this, and that is why I was reading the book at record breaking pace– what to do, what to do! Unfortunately, the suggested solutions from a management perspective seemed impossible to implement. Seriously, the work required by a supervisor is beyond training, it is simple common sense that is lacking, AND manners! AND the sense of entitlement is astounding!
December 20th, 2009 at 12:09 am
As a former educator of this group, I have personally experienced the inflated sense of entitlement, self-righteous attitude, and missing manners of some Gen Y’ers. It truly astounds me.
But like Elisabeth pointed out, the Gen Y’ers also possess positive characteristics, too. How to harness those traits, channel them productively, and encourage them in the areas they are lacking is the challenge, I suppose …?
December 29th, 2009 at 8:44 am
I am a parent of two teens, both of whom needed an extra parental nudge to keep their priorities (family, God, school, work, friends – in that order) straight. When we bought The Total Transformation three years ago, we had total buy-in to the “hold them accountable” aspect.
We found that the schools in SC set the bar very high, but the teachers either were disinterested, or unable to hold our children accountable. I believe that many teachers thought that consequences that came 9 months later at the end of the school year would hold my children accountable when they earned a failing grade. As parents, we were trying to hold them accountable daily so that they wouldn’t fail. When my daughter was sleeping through math class, we heard nothing from the teacher. My son used his ADHD as an excuse for missing assignments, learning at an early age how to master the minimual acceptable work level to get a passing grade. Both of my children had IEPs and every school year began with a meeting with the teachers. We gave every teacher our email addresses, and cell phone numbers and begged for communication so that we could hold our children accountable. We regularly emailed teachers for status checks. We received nothing until report card time – always too late.
My children are both in the working world now. My son thinks that working 20 hours a week is working his tail off. My daughter likes having money but doesn’t see the relationship between only working one – two shifts a week and having no money. My response to their complaining is, “bummer”. Is that holding them accountable?
Ellen Ray
January 5th, 2010 at 11:20 pm
Dear Ellen,
Complaining after age 18 is their prerogative and holding them accountable after that age seems like a waste of energy. AT some point, we have to decide that they are their own judges of success. who knows, maybe success is defined differently and that is a good thing…i.e. i have several nephews who work many hours and make good money, but are unhappy because they aren’t happy. They are willing to give up all the financial gains and the status, to spend their time doing only what makes them feel good. Some might think that is wisdom only gained after age 40~ They might be doing something right?
October 19th, 2011 at 8:43 am
I have a son who turned 20 in August. He had a part time job up until Feb of this year of which he was fired from. He wouldn’t look for employment no matter how much I was on him about it. Finally I had enough, I told him that if he wasn’t employed full time by the time he turned 20 he would be out of my house. He pushed it to the last moment. He had an interview 2 days before and started working 4 days after his birthday. Recently he came home and stated that he wanted a new job, something part time. I told him that there would be no way he would be able to stay at my home with a part time job. It was cutting into his time with his girlfriend and his gaming!! Imagine! The other day he had mentioned his shifts to me and I realized that he was getting too many days off for the scheduled dates, turns out he took 2 days off because he was purchasing a new video game and wanted time to play it!! I am at the point of actually kicking him out, when will he realize I am not responsible for him anymore and that by my letting him stay here he has it good. I cook, do the laundry, clean up after him. He does absolutely nothing around the house. I told him to bank his money to get a savings account started, money for first and last months rent and to start purchasing items for when he does actually move out. He hasn’t saved a penny, everything goes to video and computer games, clothes, movies etc. How do I get through to him, do I actually have to throw him out for him to realize what life is really like?
October 19th, 2011 at 10:37 am
S.M. of 2 boyz-
how do you get through to him? Well, you actually have gotten through to him- loud and clear. Real life is what he is living and it depends upon the loving, helpful, laundry doing (!) mom that you are…
so let’s spin this a little. Just because he’s 20 doesn’t mean you are done teaching him, but you must adjust what you are teaching because you are entering the mature parenting stage.
Your relationship is more equal- adult to adult- a wonderful time in a mom’s life when you can enjoy the young man that you raised and he can choose to spend time with you because he likes you as a person. How can the two of you preserve a mature relationship if you feel you must keep treating him like a child…nagging, “forcing”him to get a job, ultimatums.
The little guy you raised has now become the man that he wants to be- he just happens to be a man with a talent in video games, wise enough to find a flexible job that lets him pursue his hobbies with a girlfriend who likes him for who he is.
He has his priorities and he’s happy. Nothing wrong with that. Give yourself permission to let him live the life he wants, in his own place, where you don’t have to make him defend his job/time/schedule. Teach him that you respect his life as he is living it.
Be sure to drop by and visit. You aren’t “throwing him out” like trash. You can bring him cookies, invite him for dinner once a week, etc…(see, he won’t starve.) You aren’t abandoning him. You love him. But you will also be able to be proud of him without changing him. And that is one of the best parts about parenting- we love them no matter what…
November 29th, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Single Mom 2 boys Says: First, I LOVE Annita’s response to your son! Love it! It is kind and respectful and allows your son the full impact of his choices without you being the “bad guy”. It’s perfect.
If you are still struggling with his survival abilities you can have him start paying rent. Perhaps that will make all the work you do for him more palatable. I’ve heard that some parents charge rent and save all that rent to get their kids into a place later on — not telling the child/adult that this is the plan.
Sometimes life is the best teacher. I know I have often needed a 2×4 wielded my direction to finally agree something had to change.
November 29th, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Can I add that I also think if one can afford to live a lifestyle that is simple enough that time with your girlfriend and gaming keep you happy and productive; why is that wrong?
I think as parents, we see a far greater picture of life, home ownership, car repairs, unemployment, children, retirement. I’m not sure how this “simpler lifestyle” prepares one for all of that, but am I willing to insist a full time job with benefits etc is the only way to live life to the fullest?
December 2nd, 2011 at 3:12 am
I have owned restaurants since 1998. I have seen a huge difference in my employees over the years. Now I have employees text me that they are quitting. I have had staff text me while I am on vacation because they need a shift covered and are not sure how to do it. I have had their mothers call me when there is a problem. I have had mothers get their kids shifts covered for them. To be honest, it is gross. When I hire people now, the first thing I say to them is “I am not your parent. Do not ever argue with me like I am your parent and please tell your parents that they are not to call me. You work for me. This is not a daycare facility it is a job.” I feel like not only am I restaurant owner but I am a parent without choosing to be. I read an article recently by John Rosemond, a syndicated family psychologist. He said that when he asks parents of today what their primary goal for parenting is they respond with “Well I want my child to be a happy and successful adult.” John goes on to say that that is the essential difference in the thinking of a pre-1970s parent versus the typical thinking of a parent today. “My parent would not have said they were trying to produce someone who was happy and successful. The pre 1970s parent would have said something along the lines: “I am trying to raise a responsible citizen.” There’s the difference.