Everyone says you should let your child face natural consequences, but what exactly does this mean? Many parents struggle with this concept because they don’t fully understand what constitutes a natural consequence. And sometimes parents have difficulty relinquishing control of consequences because they feel they always have to get their child to obey, even if it means getting into a huge blowout.

Do you ever feel like the consequences you give your child aren’t working—and that he’s just not listening? Giving consequences is more difficult than people realize sometimes, so don’t beat yourself up if you feel like you’ve been missing the mark. There’s really no perfect way to do it—some consequences are simply more effective than others.

There’s no such thing as a perfect consequence that will make your child’s behavior “magically” change. Rather, there are effective and ineffective consequences. Ineffective consequences teach your child how to do time—how to be grounded for a few weeks, or how to live without his video games or cell phone. Effective consequences have two main goals: to teach your child and to hold him accountable. It’s a very important distinction, and could mean the difference between seeing change or becoming frustrated and resentful about your child’s behavior.

Do you feel stuck in a cycle with your child where his behavior isn’t changing—and might actually be getting worse? Many parents think that simply giving consequences should be enough to fix misbehavior. These same parents often end up feeling defeated and are left wondering why the consequences didn’t work. In this two-part series, Sara Bean explains the key to changing kids’ behavior (and it’s not consequences). Read on to learn how to parent your child more effectively, starting today.

Have you ever punished your child in the heat of the moment, when you’re angry and upset? If you’re like most parents, the answer is probably “yes.” In fact, this is one of the biggest, most common parenting traps that you can fall into. But often when you do this, you’re focused on winning the fight rather than working towards teaching your child to choose to do the right thing.

Let’s face it, none of us went to school for parenting, and often we’re really hard on ourselves: we think we’re alone and that we need to come up with the “perfect solution” or consequence when our child misbehaves. Here’s the truth: it's not a matter of finding the perfect solution. It's a matter of finding a consequence that will mean something to your child. The good news is, it can be done.

Many parents wonder what the difference is between a bribe and a reward. After all, in both instances, your child is getting something for doing what you want him to do. But when is this helpful in teachinghim better behavior, and when is it harmful? Parental Support Line Advisor, Erin Schlicher explains.

Watching your child fail makes you feel helpless, angry and sad. You worry about everything from your child’s self-esteem and social development to their future success. James Lehman explains that while it’s natural for parents to worry about failure, there are times when it can be productive for kids—and a chance for them to change.

Does your child ignore every consequence you give him? This week, James Lehman gives you 10 specific ways to make consequences work—even for the most resistant child.

If you’re having trouble giving effective consequences to your teen, know that you are not alone. Many parents tell me that nothing seems to work, and that coming up with the right thing for their child can seem like an impossible task. If you’re the parent of an adolescent, you may have grounded your child, taken away their video games, or suspended their driving privileges for months on end. But as James Lehman says, you can’t punish kids into acceptable behavior—it just doesn’t work that way.

“My 14-year-old son is late for everything. It’s always, “In a minute,” or “I’m almost ready.” He’s not a bad kid, but he just doesn’t seem to understand that there are people waiting for him. The last straw was when he made us miss the beginning of our daughter’s high school play recently, even though he had hours to get ready. What can we do to make him get with the program?”

The alarm goes off and the morning battle begins: you knock on your child’s bedroom door to wake him, but you have to go back time and again to make sure he’s actually up, your voice rising with each “wake-up call.” As the minutes tick by and he still hasn’t gotten out of bed, you resort to screaming and yelling in his face, and then tear the blankets off the bed. In desperation, you pull him out of bed by his feet, though you know you won’t be able to do that for many more years.

Announcing the EP Consequences Story Contest Winners!

Congratulations to all of our readers with winning entries for the Consequences Story Contest and DVD Giveaway! My email inbox was truly overflowing with all of your different and effective ways to use consequences. And by the way, your parental creativity and follow-through really impressed me and the Parental Support Line Advisors here at Legacy Publishing. Thanks again to everyone who sent in their essays!

A consequence is something that follows naturally from a person’s action, inaction or poor decision. It differs from a punishment in that a punishment is retribution. Punishment is “getting back” at someone, to hurt them back for a hurt they did. When you get a speeding ticket, it’s not a retribution for something you did wrong. It’s a consequence of your poor choices and decisions.

When you’re giving a child a consequence, it’s important to make it flow naturally from the child’s choice or action. For example, if your son sleeps late and doesn’t get up for school, the natural consequence is to go to bed earlier that night to get more sleep. The natural consequence isn’t to take his phone for a week. Tell him he has to go to bed early for the next three nights, and then if he can show you he can get up for school, you’ll go back to the later bedtime.