"I'm Right and You're Wrong!" Is Your Child a Know-it-all?

Does your child always insist that they’re right and everyone else is wrong? Some kids have a bad habit of asserting their opinions by drowning out everyone else in the room—regardless of whether or not they know what they’re talking about. Understandably, this overbearing behavior is very annoying and frustrating for both  parents and family members alike.

The Oppositional, Defiant Teen:
How James Lehman tackles the toughest behavior disorder
(Excerpted from Transform Your Problem Child)

This week, read about an oppositional, defiant teen in James Lehman’s compelling new book, Transform Your Problem Child. Meet the parents and family of Caleb, who have been dealing with their son’s behavior since he was a young child, and “raising their tolerance for deviance” with each instance of acting out. When Caleb gets physically abusive, his parents go to see James—and are finally given real solutions to his behavior-- even if those solutions are not what they expected.

From "Problem Child" to Child Behavioral Therapist:
James Lehman's Personal Transformation

Next week: Read the Excerpt from James' new book, Transform Your Problem Child.

This week, James Lehman, MSW sits down with EP Editor Elisabeth Wilkins to talk about his life, his new book, and the hard-won lessons he discovered growing up as a defiant, acting-out child. From being abandoned in a basement as an infant to a life of crime and drug addiction in his teens and young adulthood, learn how James transformed his life—and how he’s teaching parents across North America to do the same thing with their own children.

How to Control Your Kids Outside of the House (Hint: You Can't)

Recently, I talked with the mother of a 16-year-old girl on the Parental Support Line about her daughter’s behavior outside of the house. This mom had just begun the Total Transformation program, but had questions about how to use its techniques to make her daughter follow the rules when she was away from home.

We Got a Diagnosis for Our Child—Now What?
ADHD, ODD, LDs and More—What a Diagnosis Means for Your Child

A diagnosis is an important piece of the puzzle when we try to help kids with disabilities learn how to function. Many parents are relieved when they get a diagnosis for their acting-out, “problem child” because they see it as a guideline for the future. They think, “Now we’ll know what to do; this is it—we’ll finally get our child the help he needs.” But parents are often left with the fact that simply having a diagnosis doesn't necessarily mean they will be able to get help improving their child’s behavior, or get them the skills they need to learn in order to function successfully.

Are You Embarrassed by Your Child's Behavior? 5 Ways to Cope

When you have a child who acts out, throws tantrums or is disrespectful, their embarrassing behavior can make you want to curl up into a little ball and hide. Here, James Lehman, MSW gives you some tips on how to cope—and how to teach your child the skills he needs.

Good Behavior is not “Magic”—It’s a Skill
The Three Skills Every Child Needs for Good Behavior

When you have a child who acts out and is disrespectful, it’s easy to compare him to the so-called “good kids” who never seem to get into trouble or give their parents grief. Many people feel hopeless about the possibility of ever teaching their child to “magically” become the kind of well-behaved member of the family they envisioned before they had him.

Do You Dread Coming Home To Your Kids?

“On the way home from work every day, I start getting stressed out because I know that my 15-year-old son will be there waiting, ready to start a fight with me. There are times when I just want to turn the car around and not deal with him anymore, but I know that’s wrong. I’m so tired of the screaming matches and power struggles. What can I do?”

Anger as a Weapon: When Your Child
“Points the Gun” at You

From young children to teens, James Lehman, MSW explains why your child is in trouble if he or she uses anger and acting out behavior to control others. When children use anger to get what they want, it can feel for all the world like they’re pointing a loaded weapon at you. As a parent, you dread the ugly and sometimes violent emotional outbursts that come with this type of behavior. I want to caution people that once a child is using extreme anger, they’re in a lot of trouble.

Ask James: “Will My Kid Be Messed Up Forever?”

In my office I’ve dealt with many, many parents through the years who were really discouraged about their kids’ behavior. They felt hopeless and wondered if things were ever going to change. And the feelings they had were understandable: when you have a child who acts out in very aggressive and destructive ways, who is verbally abusive or physically destructive of property, or who even assaults siblings and parents, you feel powerless. And if you try to seek help from your child’s school, therapists, and counselors, but still nothing changes, it’s easy to get really discouraged and start feeling hopeless. But I think in many cases parents and kids can turn their lives around, and I’m saying that out of my own experiences with families and kids.

Emotional Blackmail: Is Your Child’s Behavior Holding You Hostage?

I’ve worked with many parents over the years who routinely gave in when their children acted out. One mother I met, I’ll call her Linda*, had a twelve-year-old son who often used emotional blackmail and threats of misbehavior to get his way. Linda dreaded taking him to the mall, because she knew she’d end up buying him anything he asked for in an effort to keep him from calling her names, stomping and yelling at her, and making a scene that left her feeling humiliated and powerless. In effect, her son’s behavior was holding her hostage.

Am I Spoiling My Young Child?

The word "spoiled" is a loaded term, one that has many levels of meaning for us as parents. You may envision a nagging in-law telling you your children are "spoiled," you may remember a kindly grandparent "spoiling" you as a young child, or an unruly, "spoiled" kid you see in the grocery store who throws a fit to get what he wants. In this article, I am defining “spoiled” as any situation in which a child is in control and a parent is not.

Siblings at War in Your Home
(Declare a Ceasefire Now)

Sibling rivalry is normal in families with more than one child. It becomes a problem when one child bullies or dominates the other. It's also a more complex issue than it first appears. On the surface, you have two kids who are “at war”—who bicker constantly and don’t get along. There can be many reasons for this, but at the core of this rivalry is a common theme that runs through it all: the sense that one sibling is the victim of the other and somehow “less than.” And that child often believes that he gets less love from his parents than his acting out brother or sister does.

“F--- You, Mom!” How to Stop Your Child
from Cursing in Your Home

Don’t pick up that bar of soap yet! James Lehman, MSW has great advice for parents on what to do when their child has a foul mouth, from generalized cursing to verbal abuse.

If your child curses at you, what you need to understand is that they’re trying to hurt you, throw you off balance, or suck you into you into a fight. I believe that families should have clear rules about cursing. There shouldn’t be any discussion about it when it happens. And in my mind, there’s a difference between kids cursing in general or cursing at you or another family member, and calling you rude names. But either way, families need to establish rules around it.

Are You Caught in a Tug-of-War with Your Child?
“Don’t Test Me!”

When our children refuse to do what we ask them, it can feel like we’re caught in a tug-of-war, with both sides pulling on the end of the rope as hard as they can, and neither side making much headway.