Parenting Tip of the Week: Help Teens Combat
Back to School Anxiety

It’s common for kids to have a lot of anxiety about the start of the school year, especially if they’re entering a new grade or going to a new school. All of these issues weigh very heavily on the minds of teens and pre-teens. And children with any type of impairment—whether it be a neurological, physical or behavioral—will have anxiety levels that are even more intense than kids who don’t.

Beat the Back to School Power Struggle in 30 Days
(The Secret? Start Now!)

I’ve worked with many parents and children caught up in power struggles in the home—they argued over bedtime, homework, curfew, video game time—you name it, they fought over it. And the more these parents fought with their children, the better at arguing and manipulating situations their children seemed to get. Mothers and fathers came to me exhausted, frustrated and desperate to stop the constant tug-of-war going on in their homes.

“Yes, Your Kid is Smoking Pot”
What Every Parent Needs to Know Now

"No one is immune to the disease of addiction," warns Katherine Ketcham, the coauthor of thirteen books, including Teens Under the Influence: The Truth About Kids, Alcohol, and Other Drugs – How to Recognize the Problem and What to Do About It and the bestselling classic Under the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism. For the last eight years she has worked with addicted youth and families at the Juvenile Justice Center in Walla Walla, Washington.

Why is My Child Stealing and What Can I Do?
Advice for Parents on Kids, Stealing and Shoplifting

“My fourteen year old daughter was arrested for shoplifting make-up this week,” said Marie, a working mother of two girls. “Is this just normal teen behavior, or is it something more serious? She’s grounded for a month and I’ve taken away her iPod and computer privileges, but to tell the truth, I’m still in shock. I’m furious and I’m not sure how to even talk to her about what she did.”

Girl Fighting and Your Child: What to Do When Your
Daughter is Being Bullied by Other Girls

I recently gave a talk about bullying to a group of parents in my city. Afterward, a nervous-looking dad approached the front of the room to ask me a question. “My daughter is a good kid,” he said, adding that she was just ten years old. “Her friend made this announcement at school last Friday – I think it might even have been a joke at first–she said that nobody should talk to a certain boy in their class. My daughter thought that was stupid, so she walked up to the boy and said ‘Hi’ and talked to him anyway.” The father sighed before continuing. “I was really proud of her…”
But the next day when his daughter came home from school, she was crushed. “She told me that because she had ‘broken the rule’ and spoken to the boy who was being ignored, none of her friends would talk to her.”

Combat CyberBullying: Be a Part of Your Daughter’s Life—
the Real and the Virtual

In this age of MySpace, cell phones and instant messaging, it has never been more important to ensure that you are a part of your daughter’s life: the real and the virtual. It is no surprise that girls are enamored with social communications as a way to make connections and keep in touch. By the time they are ten or eleven, they may be developing their own websites, and creating fun emoticons, avatars, and colorful texts for their emails.

Girl Violence in the News (And How to Talk to
Your Child about It)

Last week, two devastating stories about girls hit the national press. In one, a ten-year-old girl was yanked off of the monkey bars by two slightly older girls, who stomped on her head and her hip, causing permanent damage. The other was a videotape of 6 Florida cheerleaders seeking YouTube fame by beating a fellow cheerleader over a period of thirty minutes, causing a concussion and hearing loss, among other injuries. So far, the girls (and some of their parents) are blaming the target for demeaning messages on My Space, and none of the teens has demonstrated remorse.  To make matters worse, this past weekend, staff members of  the “Dr. Phil” show further fanned the publicity flames by posting bail for one of the girls in order to get her on their show  Empowering Parents asked bullying expert and award-winning author Peggy Moss to address these issues, noting, “Even if the press perhaps sensationalizes these events, don’t we still have to address these bullying episodes in order keep our children safe?”

How to Navigate the School System When Your Child
Has a Disability

As a parent, there are moments when warning bells go off—times when you notice that your child might be having trouble grasping certain skills that their peers seem to have mastered.

“I don’t Want to Go to School!” And What You
Can Do about It

Nearly every morning before school, Josh, 9, will scream, cry and do anything possible to stay home. “He’ll whine on and on, ‘I don’t feel well. I hate my teacher. School is boring,” say his parents, Suzanne and Rob, who report that they have hit the wall with his behavior. “He used to like school,” said Suzanne. “I’m not sure what happened, but in the last few years it’s become a battle just to get him out the door.”

Rules, Boundaries and Older Children Part III:
Is It Ever Too Late to Set up a Living Agreement?

This is the third and final installment in a three part series of articles by James Lehman, MSW.

For those parents who haven’t set up a structured agreement when their child turns 18, it’s never too late to set one up. Even if your child is 23, living under your roof and staying out until the wee hours, it’s never too late to sit down with that kid and say, “We’re going to have to have a talk about our rules here and what parts fit you and what parts don’t fit you.” If a kid is 23 years old and he’s not working, he can’t be up until two o’clock in the morning with friends in the house, keeping other people awake. You may feel obligated to provide that child with a roof over his head. But you have the right to let him know that “This is not your home for that anymore. We’re going to bed, we’re tired, we worked all day. If you’re going to live here, you have to live within our rules.” If he tries to put you down for it, you need to put your foot down. If that means taking the car keys, then that’s what it means.

Rules, Boundaries and Older Children Part II: In Response to Questions about Older Children Living
at Home

There has  been overwhelming response and interest in last month’s article on adult  children. It was viewed over 10,000 times, was our second most emailed article  ever, and has received the most reader comments of any article we’ve ever  published. I must say I’m not surprised about this, since in my private  practice I dealt with many parents who had terrible problems with children who  were over 18 and still living at home. I believe this phenomenon has become a  national problem. As the cost of living goes up, adult children who are not  really prepared for the workforce have to make some sacrifices. Unfortunately  today, kids don’t like making sacrifices and parents don’t want to enforce  sacrifices.

Rules, Boundaries and Older Children Part I

Do you have a child between the ages of 17 and 23 living with you? If you're in constant conflict with an older child over everything from curfews (should they have one or shouldn’t they?) to getting a job to alcohol use, James Lehman offers advice on how to set reasonable limits, and how to coach your child to responsibility and independence. (Part 1 of a 3 part series.)

Does Your Child Say This:
"My Teacher's an Idiot"

Almost every kid will eventually have a teacher they don’t like, but that’s not an excuse for them to refuse to follow the rules of the classroom. When you side with your children in this scenario, believe it or not, you are actually undermining your own authority in the process. The bottom line is that it’s a mistake to denigrate authority figures with your children, even if you agree with them. Read on to see how James Lehman advises you to handle the situation.

Masters of Manipulation:
How Kids Control You With Behavior

Kids manipulate their parents as part of their normal routine. They learn to use their charms and strengths to get their way and negotiate more power in the family. Sometimes that manipulation is harmless, but there are other times when the stakes are higher and kids use bad behavior to make you back down. In this situation, the manipulation becomes a power and control game for the child, and that’s where it gets dangerous for parents. The real problem with manipulation is when kids use behavioral threats to manipulate you.

Gut Check:
Shame and Anger: The Emotional Handcuffs of Parenting

One of the unaddressed elements of children’s behavior is the pain that families go through, knowing that others are judging them.  Because the fact is, they are being judged. When parents have to go to school constantly because of their kid’s outbursts, when they get in conflicts with the neighbors because of the kid’s behavior, when they’re at the supermarket and the kid throws a temper tantrum, or they’re at the mall with their adolescent child and he raises his voice or gives his parents backtalk, it’s completely humiliating.