5 Parenting Rules That Don't Work: How to Separate Fact from Fiction

Even before you become a parent, you start forming ideas about how you’ll raise your child. You get advice about it from all sides—your own parents and family, your friends, and books by so-called experts tell you "the rules" of good parenting. But most people soon find out that some of these techniques are simply fads—and many of them don’t work at all. Read on to see what James Lehman thinks are the top five most ineffective parenting concepts out there.

"Anger with an Angle": Is Your Child Using Anger to Control You?

Have your child’s angry outbursts worn you down so much that you’ve simply learned to give in? You should know that this is not a phase or a behavior that will “just go away on its own.” Read on to discover 5 things you can do to stop your child from using “Anger with an Angle” today.

“I Want It Now!” How to Challenge a False Sense of Entitlement in Kids

Almost as soon as your child begins to talk, you’ll start to hear him ask for things. In fact, when an infant cries, he’s asking for food or to be made more comfortable. By the time he reaches the age of four or five, his constant refrain becomes: “Can I have this, Mom? Can I have that?" The unending requests for new toys or candy and an “I want it now” attitude may follow you every time you go to the store.

Running Away Part II: "Mom, I Want to Come Home."
When Your Child is on the Streets

For kids, running away is like taking a long, dangerous timeout. They may use it to avoid some difficulty at home, or to hide from something that’s embarrassing to them. You can also look at running away as a power struggle, because kids will often run instead of taking responsibility for their actions or complying with house rules. Above all, as a parent, what you don't want to do is give it power. That's the cardinal rule: do not give this behavior power.

Rules, Boundaries and Older Children Part III:
Is It Ever Too Late to Set up a Living Agreement?

This is the third and final installment in a three part series of articles by James Lehman, MSW.

For those parents who haven’t set up a structured agreement when their child turns 18, it’s never too late to set one up. Even if your child is 23, living under your roof and staying out until the wee hours, it’s never too late to sit down with that kid and say, “We’re going to have to have a talk about our rules here and what parts fit you and what parts don’t fit you.” If a kid is 23 years old and he’s not working, he can’t be up until two o’clock in the morning with friends in the house, keeping other people awake. You may feel obligated to provide that child with a roof over his head. But you have the right to let him know that “This is not your home for that anymore. We’re going to bed, we’re tired, we worked all day. If you’re going to live here, you have to live within our rules.” If he tries to put you down for it, you need to put your foot down. If that means taking the car keys, then that’s what it means.

Rules, Boundaries and Older Children Part II: In Response to Questions about Older Children Living
at Home

There has  been overwhelming response and interest in last month’s article on adult  children. It was viewed over 10,000 times, was our second most emailed article  ever, and has received the most reader comments of any article we’ve ever  published. I must say I’m not surprised about this, since in my private  practice I dealt with many parents who had terrible problems with children who  were over 18 and still living at home. I believe this phenomenon has become a  national problem. As the cost of living goes up, adult children who are not  really prepared for the workforce have to make some sacrifices. Unfortunately  today, kids don’t like making sacrifices and parents don’t want to enforce  sacrifices.

Rules, Boundaries and Older Children Part I

Do you have a child between the ages of 17 and 23 living with you? If you're in constant conflict with an older child over everything from curfews (should they have one or shouldn’t they?) to getting a job to alcohol use, James Lehman offers advice on how to set reasonable limits, and how to coach your child to responsibility and independence. (Part 1 of a 3 part series.)

Does Your Child Say This?
"I Hate You!"

Of all the weapons in your child’s arsenal, the words “I hate you” can have the power to reduce any parent to tears or anger. Children know that saying this can paralyze a parent during a fight, which is why they use this tactic to get what they want. In this month’s issue, James Lehman, creator of The Total Transformation Program for parents, demonstrates how to focus the argument back on the issue at hand, and reduce the emotional sting of your child’s words in the process.

Does Your Child Say This?
"You don't love me."

Does your child use guilt to manipulate you? In this month’s issue, James Lehman, creator of The Total Transformation Program for parents, shows you how to deflect the guilt by using an effective response that puts the emphasis where it should be: on your child and the importance of following family rules.