When Kids Get Violent: “There’s No Excuse for Abuse”

Violence is the extreme end of aggression. Remember that not all kids who are aggressive become violent. When children and teens use violence to get what they want—whether it’s punching a sibling in the stomach or punching a hole in the wall—it usually involves a scenario where they’re being told “no” to something they want to do, or they’re being told they have to do something they don’t want to do. What actually happens is that the child gets frustrated and angry and hasn’t learned any other way to deal with these feelings than to strike out—often at the adults involved.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder: The War at Home

Most parents lack the tools to deal with oppositional defiance. So they generally respond to this behavior with a range of responses that includes negotiating, bargaining, giving in, threatening and screaming. The problem is when you scream, argue or negotiate, you are giving your child’s defiance even more power.

The Lost Children: When Behavior Problems
Traumatize Siblings

Children who grow up with a chronically defiant, oppositional sibling grow up in an environment of trauma. According to James Lehman, "It’s traumatizing when something hurtful happens to you, and you can’t control it, you can’t stop it, you can’t predict how hurtful it’s going to be, and you can’t predict when or whether it’s going to happen." Here, he discusses how parents can reduce the traumatic effects of hostile behavior on siblings and how to help “the lost child” in the family.

Out of Control Behavior: Should I Medicate My Child?

Unfortunately, a diagnosis and medication aren’t always a solution. Medications that target behavior problems are at best a shot in the dark and at worst can have many undesirable side effects and alter the child’s personality. There is a fork in the road that many parents face daily: "We have a behavior problem. Should I medicate my child?"