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Parenting Articles about Parental Stress
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Why is it that people don’t hesitate to give out unsolicited parenting advice, no matter how much it offends the recipient?
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Richard Burton, the British actor and Elizabeth Taylor's husband and ex-husband multiple times over, once described marriage as the highest state of tolerance. This resonated with lots of married couples at the time. While I agree that marriage tests one's tolerance, stamina, energy level, and everything else about us -- I see things a bit differently.
I believe that parenting teens is the highest state of tolerance.
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It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon and we were hanging out at the residential pool. I asked my neighbor about her daughter. She’s thirty, single and traveling around Europe -- doing a bit of studying, working and exploring.
“She’s still not ready to settle down, and certainly doesn’t want children. She says kids ‘suck the life outta you.’”
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I am organized to a fault. I have an excellent memory -- I can remember dates, past and future. I know when it’s time to schedule appointments for me and for the children. I can even remember the dates of last year’s annual physicals. I cancel appointments if there are scheduling conflicts well in advance; I know when prescription refills are due. I work two part-time jobs and have been able to keep both schedules working together smoothly, although my coworkers keep joking that they are waiting for me to show up at the wrong job on the wrong day! I carry around a calendar although I rarely need to look at it; everything is in my memory. Field trip permission slips are turned in way before the due date. I have never missed an appointment.
Until last week.
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Are you a mother who's always busy? With your career, business, volunteer job or freelance work? If you are, then you may not have enough time for your kids.
Even if you are a full-time mom who stays at home, you may not be spending quality time with them. What with all the household chores to keep you busy and make you tired at the end of the day, it's no wonder that you may not notice your kids like you used to.
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This past weekend, Jerry and I took the boys to a hotel for what was supposed to be a single night; it turned into a four-day weekend. Our air conditioner broke and Jerry, because of health issues, cannot breathe in hot, humid weather. And I should mention that the air conditioner did more than break: it caught on fire. It was a small fire, but did a lot of damage to the unit. Here it is the fifth day and we are still waiting for the HVAC guy to finish the job he started. We ran out of “extra” money for a hotel but thankfully, after the tornadoes came through, the weather has cooled somewhat. But it got me to thinking: maybe Jerry and I should go to one by ourselves some night, and leave the kids at home.
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By the time this blog is posted, I will be 2000 miles away from my family. I bought a ticket to the West coast and off I am going. No more negotiating with my children, struggling with homework, or shuttling to and from activities and appointments. I am free. Free, for three and half whole days. I am meeting my best girl friends in California. Four out of the five are moms and we are collectively leaving nine children behind, ages six months to twelve years. We are fortunate to have husbands, family, and friends to provide the childcare.
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Here we are, in the last and craziest month of the year, when everything seems to move at warp speed. Everyone's running around like a bunch of squirrels on espresso (as is our national tradition), buying Christmas and Hanukkah presents, going to parties, checking our budgets twice -- and trying to keep it all together.
I'm definitely not immune to this manic pace -- I've had a few crazy days in the last few weeks myself, believe me -- but it's nothing compared to how I used to be. You see, a few years ago, I figured out the secret of slowing down the holidays and not losing my mind. While I can't follow my own advice as much as I'd like, here's the holiday game plan that I try to stick to each year:
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I have just come from our therapist’s office and am feeling much calmer. You read that right: Dr. Joan is in therapy.
It all started when my husband and I began struggling, badly, with one of our kids who was displaying signs of Attention Deficit Disorder: lack of focus at school, outbursts at home, blaming others for his problems, lying about homework. My husband and I knew that this was an ongoing problem, but it all came to a head as our 10 year-old child entered a grade at school where everything gets moved up a notch and he began to struggle. Being a psychologist, you’d think I would have gotten everything under control immediately, right?
Wrong.
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Being a parent of a teenager is inherently stressful – I think the words teenager and stress are actually synonyms – and any way you can figure out how to prevent stress while dealing with your kids is a huge help. As the adoptive parents of five kids, we've found that stress management is key to parental survival!
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I’m not sure that the word stress should be allowed to take so much credit for all the magical hubbub going on around us at this time of year.
Balancing our holiday parties, gift giving, visiting with relatives and spending time putting in batteries can be viewed as stress or as LIVING! How about a perspective shift?
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