Here’s the truth: if being your kids’ friend was enough to raise them successfully, we would all probably parent that way. But our job is way more complicated than that. Children and teens really crave boundaries, limits and structure. At the same time, they also need some healthy separation from us as they go through adolescence and develop into adults. Our role as parents is really to teach, coach and give our kids consequences when they misbehave. If you slip into that friend role, however, it’s virtually impossible to lay down the law and set limits on your child’s inappropriate behavior.

One of the most difficult questions we ask ourselves as parents is, When should I jump in and monitor my child, and when should I step back and allow them some privacy? I've worked with many parents who were shocked to find out their child felt depressed, was smoking pot or drinking, or had falling grades in school. On the other end of the spectrum are helicopter parents, who hover constantly and are hesitant to allow their child any privacy or independence whatsoever.

Many parents have a hard time being consistent and struggle because of guilt, self-doubt, or just sheer exhaustion.Here’s the good news—you can overcome the obstacles you face. Even if you think you’ve been inconsistent up to this point with your child, it’s never too late to start. Let’s take a look at why it’s important and how you can start being more consistent right away.

Do you ever wonder if your rules are too strict—or too lenient? When is it time to reel your child back in, and how will you know when it’s safe to loosen the reins a bit? Most importantly, is your child ready for more independence, or showing clear signs that she’s not?

A recent article by self–described “Tiger Mom” Amy Chua ignited a parenting conversation that appears to have been long overdue. In both the article and her book, Chua says she did not accept any grade less than an “A” from her two daughters, and did not allow T.V., video games, playdates or sleep–overs. Chua believes typical Western style parenting is too lax and focuses on self–esteem over performance. The ongoing debate her article caused has led many parents to wonder if they’re too passive—or too controlling.

“My child misbehaves so much that I don’t even know where to start!” This is one of the most common things we hear on the Parental Support Line, and it’s an understandable problem. Many parents tell me they feel overwhelmed, frustrated and anxious when dealing with their child or teen’s acting out behavior; they wonder how they’ll be able to tackle so many issues at once. But here’s a secret: thinking about the problem in this way will only make you feel defeated before you even start.

When you’re the parent of an acting-out child, it’s easy to feel as if you’re to blame for their behavior. As a result, you can fall into the trap of trying to fix things for your child instead of letting them deal with the natural and logical consequences of their behavior. In this interview, James Lehman explains some of the ineffective roles parents fall into, and tells you why it’s important to identify what you’re doing so you can change—and help your child change, too.

Almost as soon as your child begins to talk, you’ll start to hear him ask for things. In fact, when an infant cries, he’s asking for food or to be made more comfortable. By the time he reaches the age of four or five, his constant refrain becomes: “Can I have this, Mom? Can I have that? The unending requests for new toys or candy and an “I want it now” attitude may follow you every time you go to the store.

What do you do when your spouse doesn’t parent the same way you do? Hands-down, this is one of the most frequently asked questions we receive at Empowering Parents. “I want to set limits and give consequences, but he thinks I’m being too hard on our kids,” said one mother recently. “I’m tired of being the bad guy all the time!” Not only is that unhealthy for your relationship, it’s not good for your children, who often use that lack of agreement to take advantage of the situation. James Lehman, MSW, sat down with EP Editor Elisabeth Wilkins to talk about this difficult issue.

Have you ever listened to parenting advice, all the while thinking, “That won’t work with my child—nothing does. He’s too difficult; no one can get through to him.” If you’ve ever felt this way, stop what you’re doing and read this article.

If yelling worked, parenting would be easy, wouldn’t it? We’d simply shout, “Do it!” and our kids would comply. But here’s the truth: it doesn’t work. I’ve told parents, “Look, if screaming at our kids was effective, I’d be out of business. You’d just be able to yell at your child and he’d change. Or you’d bring your child to my office, I’d shout at him and call him names for 45 minutes, and then he’d go home and be nice for a week.”

Every child feels like they don’t fit in at some point. Even adults feel that way occasionally: we all experience being “alone in a room full of people.” With kids, the need to be part of a group is instinctual; it’s survival. They want to fit in and be like everyone else because it gives them a sense of safety and security. So when your child tells you they don’t fit in, they’re also saying, “I don’t feel safe.” The anxiety comes from thoughts of, “I’m different; I’m vulnerable.” And sadly, other children tend to focus on kids who are different and can be very cruel.

The word spoiled is a loaded term, one that has many levels of meaning for us as parents. You may envision a nagging in-law telling you your children are spoiled, you may remember a kindly grandparent spoiling you as a young child, or an unruly, spoiled kid you see in the grocery store who throws a fit to get what he wants. In this article, I am defining “spoiled” as any situation in which a child is in control and a parent is not.

Without even realizing it, well-meaning parents can turn into martyrs for their kids. I’ve worked with many of them. One woman, I’ll call her “Karen,” stands out. When I met Karen, she was exhausted and frustrated, because she’d been fighting the school, her family and everyone else since her son “Kyle” was born. He had a learning disability and behavioral problems, and by the time he was fifteen, he’d learned that he didn’t have to work very hard to get through the day.