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Parenting Articles about Swearing
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Have you found yourself asking the question, “Why is my child always so angry at me?” Do you feel like your adolescent surrounds himself with a force field of anger and hostility? In part one of this frank Q&A, James Lehman explains the difference between hostility and anger—and tells you where these emotionsoften come from. |
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If yelling worked, parenting would be easy, wouldn’t it? We’d simply shout, “Do it!” and our kids would comply. But here’s the truth: it doesn’t work. I’ve told parents, “Look, if screaming at our kids was effective, I’d be out of business. You’d just be able to yell at your child and he’d change. Or you’d bring your child to my office, I’d shout at him and call him names for 45 minutes, and then he’d go home and be nice for a week.” |
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Don’t pick up that bar of soap yet! James Lehman, MSW has great advice for parents on what to do when their child has a foul mouth, from generalized cursing to verbal abuse.
If your child curses at you, what you need to understand is that they’re trying to hurt you, throw you off balance, or suck you into you into a fight. I believe that families should have clear rules about cursing. There shouldn’t be any discussion about it when it happens. And in my mind, there’s a difference between kids cursing in general or cursing at you or another family member, and calling you rude names. But either way, families need to establish rules around it. |
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“What? I was kidding.”
I get this response when I ask my son to stop whatever inappropriate verbal or physical behavior he is doing at that moment. I pause, tilt my head, and think, “Really?” His behavior is anything but laughable. It's usually disrespectful, scary, and sometimes dangerous. And I'm getting tired of my kid kidding around.
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In the midst of a manic shopping spree last week, I found myself panicking. You see, this year I failed in my holiday duties miserably.
All my five year old son asked Santa for was a dinosaur tent. As tradition dictates, I frantically raced from store to store looking for it -- to no avail. (When I finally checked online back at home, they said it had been discontinued. Argh.) I found myself shouting like a rabid chipmunk over the phone to my cool-as-a-cucumber husband, who was unmoved by the lack of dino tents in North America.
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I’m proud to say I have seen a glimmer of hope with my 13 year old son recently. Deciding to start small, I began addressing his bad language. Like most people, I slip occasionally and let fly a curse word or two in his presence. (Sometimes related to something he did or didn’t do.) I sat him down a few weeks ago and told him to clean up his language because it sounds (and is) disrespectful to me, his grandmother and anyone else who happens to be within earshot. I explained that I would participate in this with him, as well. (Doesn’t hurt to set a good example!)
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