Hi Stephmom---after reading your second post I am wondering if on your sons Sidekick (which I am assuming is a cell phone) do you have internet access allowed on that and texting allowed on that? If so---why not cancel those privelages until your child can show you more respect and do things you are asking of him. That way he still has his sidekick---but not the privelages that go along with acting responsible and respectful. I guess if it were my child they would not have the phone in their possession. if he gets violent call the police. Show this kid you mean business and he can no longer be a bully in your home. What you personally need to do is stop reacting to his actions and hurtful words thrown your way. He is doing things to **** you off and likes to see that he has gotten to you. IF you can stop reacting you will be amazed at how quickly things can turn around---it might seem impossible to you right now. And even though this might be a hard thing for you to do right now you need to hug your child (a real, meaningful hug) and tell him you love him. Look him in the eyes when you say that. He might fight the hug to begin with? But eventually he will allow it. Explain to him when things are not irritated how you feel about him and how he acts in the family--tell him he is a role model for the younger kids. Sometimes kids that act out like this are kind of feeling unloved. They may roll their eyes and such on the outside when a parent hugs them---but inside it makes them feel wonderful. Letting this child know things WILL change around your home no matter what lengths you need to go to, will show him it is time to straighten things up. Calling the police can be embarrassing for parents--however it might be just what the doctor ordered in your case as far as if he gets violent when you take something away from him. I hope this has helped you a little bit. We have been through 2 years of HECK with our 16 year old daughter. She has really come full circle though with many restrictions put on her for a good year or so. She will still let her mouth run away from her once in a while --but when they happens she already knows she will be held accountable for doing that...........when she is starting a little rant once in a while I will just remind her in a calm voice that she had better think about what she is doing----cuz we don't allow her to talk to us in that manner. Little reminders here and there sometimes help a teenager---if done in a calm --non emotional way. It is hard not to react to them, BELIEVE me, I know this----I have been practicing this for a good 1 1/2 years now. It really does work!! It is the best feeling you get inside when a child is saying things to get under your skin and you don't react to it---you almost act as though they didn't say anything!! It is a great feeling you get inside that you can rejoice in all by yourself (ON the INSIDE!)
Alot of the times our kids act like they do because of the way we are parenting them----us not realizing we are creating little monsters at the time. If we change the way we are parenting? The kids will also change---not right away--but a few months down the road you will really notice a change. Sorry this got so long here!! I hope it helps you get through the day a little better. Make some changes and hang in there. It will be so worth the effort you put into not reacting and not letting him know he is making you so angry---keep that inside --do some deep breathing, it honestly helps. OH also teach your son some tactics for learning how to handle his own anger. Deep breathing--positive self talk--ask himself what will happen if I allow myself to get out of control of myself here--- He will thank you for the next few years he has ahead as a teenager!!