Is a 2 year old and a 3 1/2 yrs old to young to start using the Total Transformation?
They have a lot of anger when asked to do anything. They hit each other and the 3 yr old is into telling lies.They are very distructive.
They come from an abusive home where mom and dad uses drugs and alchol and they have seen their mom beat up all their lives.
I am gr. grandma with guardianship.

Dear 'Little Red':

James Lehman has used the complete Total Transformation program with kids from age 5 years old on up. However, the first 3 of the 7 lessons in the program can be used with kids at any age because these lessons focus on parenting skills. The tools in these lessons will help you create a ‘culture of accountability’ and responsibility in the home. The Total Transformation program, along with the Support Line service, will teach you how to give instructions in such a way that it tells the child that you expect them to master self-control at some point. Experiencing a consequence in the moment is important for this age, but take time to calm down first if you’re feeling frustrated. James Lehman will help you to understand why it’s important when instructing your child, to use a ‘matter-of-fact’ tone in your voice. It’s hard for children to pay attention to exactly what you’re saying when they sense that you’re upset or angry. Besides, you want to model the behavior you want them to learn.

Most of the time, when a young child is acting out or behaving inappropriately, just redirecting them will be enough. If the child clearly understands that the behavior is not acceptable and yet does it anyway, giving a consequence for that choice. Help him see his responsibility by connecting his behavior to a result or a consequence with the words you use. “If you keep throwing that toy, it will break and you won’t have it to play with anymore.” [Consequence: time-out the toy.] Here are some other examples: “If you can’t calm yourself down, you’re going to have to go to your room and rest for awhile. You can calm down in there.” “If you don’t help clean up, it will take longer and we won’t have as much time to play.” “You could get hurt. I’m going to stop you from doing that.”

Giving consequences to a young child and holding them accountable takes a lot of energy and patience, because your child will need a lot of rehearsal and repetition at this young age to learn to cope with his feelings and master skills. Given the difficult history of these two children, it may also be important to work with a professional in your area who can help you recognize the abilities of these children and to focus on the skills the children need to improve their behavior.

I appreciate your question and the opportunity to give an answer. Please keep in touch with us and let us know how it’s going.