My son has been wetting the bed almost every night all his life. He's gotten to big for good nights and is embarrased to wear adult size gaurds. So he wets the bed at night and then throws his wet undies behind his bed. We are in the process of selling our house and my MIL came to help pick up yesterday and she found at least 15 pairs of undies that he has hid in his room. We have been to the dr and gotten pills and they dont work. I need suggestions on what to do. My husband says hes just lazy and dont want to get up to go to the bathroom. He gets so upset about the whole situation that I just avoind talking to him about it. And my son gets upset when I try to talk to him about it. Any suggestions?

Thanks!

Please don't give up, consult another professional and dig in on this a little longer. Sometimes this goes away on its own by age 12, other kids suffer until adult age.

Your child is likely so extremely embarrassed and exasperated with himself that he is not even able to admit that this problem still exists. He is very very afraid. He is hiding out of fear. He is in need of coping skills to handle the wet items and he is in need of support while he grows out of it or gets the medical help that he needs to control it. Either way, it will not go away by anyone belittling him on it. Believe me, if he could make it stop, he would.

It seems impossible, but they can easily ignore this to the point that they will not take responsibility for it, so as a parent, your patience and assistance is very much needed right now.

Kids suffer from eneuresis for different reasons. Often it is genetic, some of it is caused or complicated with medical issues like constipation all the way to being caused by serious diseases/syndromes. If you have tried medications but have not had full scans done, then there is more to be done. I am not a doc but have experienced this in my family and extended family.

The best way to handle this is with delicacy and and to help him protect his confidence and sense of pride in himself. This is a very traumatic experience for a kid if it is handled with even the smallest amount of ridicule.

UnderJams are a new product that are sized larger than what most have been using, they look less like diapers/pullups and you may have even seen commercials aimed at older kids who are experiencing this embarrassing problem because kids just like yours are going through this. He needs calm, instructive attention until he can relax and admit that this is a problem and he must know that you are going to be an advocate for him and get him the medical help that he needs. No amount of yelling, restricting of liquids, or punishment will fix this problem-- kids either grow out of it over time or it is a medical issue that requires attention.

It can turn into a psychological issue if it is handled in a negative way.

1) purchase nightwear without fanfare and without him in the audience if you can.
2) make sure he wears them to bed, put aside any pride you have and reach out to his friends and find out which are dealing with this and share concerns, develop a support network for yourself (and your son)
3) Provide a lid style garbage can with a deodorizor ideally in his room or in the bathroom. You should make sure that every morning you are assisting with getting ready and being supportive of putting wet laundry/underjams in their place.
4) Make sure that you ask him to assist you with changing the sheets/bedding/matress covers and that you actually check the bed to make sure it is clean. He needs to learn how to do it not as a punishement but ask a skill that he needs. Change them with a matter of fact tone, like a gentle teacher in the classroom of life, and never in a punishing tone. Make available spare sheets/protectors in his room so he can confidently handle the clean up and bed changes as he gets a little older. Sleeping in a wet bed out of embarrassment is someting thes kids will do just to avoid more embarrassment. That is not healthy and not emotionally healthy either. They are worth clean sheets, but they begin to believe they are not. Isn't that sad?
5) Purchase a waterproof matress cover for his bed and put it on there with a cloth mattress pad on top. Sleeping on plastic/vinyl/waterproof materials makes kids very hot and uncomfortable.
6) Do not allow anyone in your household to tease him on this issue. Make sure that it is explained as a medical condition and that no teasing is allowed. period.
7) make sure he has a daily shower so it doesn't affect him in school. If he is having problems with wetting at school, then medical help is again needed to address daytime wetting.
8) explore with a doctor what more can be done. A urologist is needed as it takes several different combinations of medicines to control this. It also requires several invasive tests, scans, etc that are important to have done but can be very embarrassing for the child.

I cannot stress enough, the need to approach this in a loving, empathetic way as the the medical problem that it is.

There are several websites on the topic that you can find by simply googling bedwetting. There are bedweeting alarms, special underwear for problems during the day and or night, bed/mattress protectors, books for parents and a lot of supportive information available from www.bedwettingstore.com.

I only wish I had been able to respond before the evening so that this child can avoid even one more night of handling this very big problem, all alone. Good luck.

Thanks so much for your guidance and information! I will take all this to heart and do some investigating myself. Also I am going to make another appointment with the dr to discuss this further. Thanks again!!

Amy

I have a friend who's son had this issue thru his early teens. They dealt with it in a very matter of fact way. Had done the scans, had done the electric sensors that are supposed to jolt the kid awake when he wet the bed (those woke up mom, but not son) and went through a lot. Sometimes there is an answer and sometimes not. I think that the love, lack of condemnation, and acceptance of this issue in their lives helped the son be ok with it. In fact, he stayed at my home one night and pulled me aside to let me know he didn't have anything with him in case he had an accident. So we handled it and it was cool. But I thought it was great he could and would tell me and not be humiliated by it.

I currently have a 9 year old girl who does this most nights -- but not when she wears a pull up. Go figure.

My heart is with you!

I have used several bed wetting alarms for my six year old daughter. Yesterday, came across something called SleepDoc. I’d like to try one. Sounds very promising... Has anyone tried it?

SleepDoc is still the best because it prevents bed wetting, rather than, alerting of it, like the alarms do.

Are you currently using it? And how is it working for you? Thanks