I am SO glad I found this forum. We have a 14 yo daughter that we adoted from birth. We have confirmed this week what we were worried about for awhile. She has been stealing money from us and her siblings!! She is lying way out of control. I would get a therapist, but here are the problems with that #1 Our daughter also has terrible allergies and asthma and we were reprimanded last year in person and by letter, that she had missed too much school. We can't take her out for any more appointments. #2 She won't talk to anyone but her issues, she just shuts down totally and sits there not saying a word!!

She tells me on a constant basis that she hates me and is going to be out of here as soon as she can! Right now I'ld like to open the door for her.

We have not been able to finish the program yet. We need as much help as we can get. When the kids were younger I thought we were doing an okay job. Then they became teenagers and a whole other world was created. We did not go through the drug issues, stealing and destructive behaviors that we have seen with our now 19 and 14 y olds. We have six younger than them and are becoming terrified that we aren't as prepared as we thought we were. Granted our bio kids didn't have the drug exposure and personality traits that these kids came with, but nothing that we were taught in training classes or that we have read has come close to what these two have pulled on us these last years.

Has anyone else had problems like this? Do you have any suggestions??

Jerelee

Jerelee12,

You have definitely come to the right place to get some tools so that you are better prepared to deal with this in the future. Behaviors such as lying and stealing can provoke such a strong emotional response from parents because they erode trust; however, that can trust can be rebuilt and I’m going to attach an article James Lehman has written on this very topic. Beyond financial amends, the article will spell out what you can set up with your daughter in order for her to re-earn the trust that has been lost.

http://empoweringparents.com/Shopliftin ... ession.php

That is the same age my daughter, adopted from Russia at age 4, began lying and stealing. She started acting out by staying up until 4am talking on her cell phone. When we took the cell phone away, she would sneak a land line into her room. When we cut the phone lines, she would sneak downstairs and get on the computer. When we locked the modem in the safe, she would steal cell phones from her parents or her brother.
Can you see how this escalated? - always with her one step ahead.
When we slept with our cell phones in our pillow cases, locked the modem, and had no land phones she one-upped us again and began sneaking out at night and sneaking into a friends house who would let her use a cell phone.
Since she was up all night, she would sleep through school. The teachers never said anything to us. She was flunking out and we didn't know it.
Total Transformation helped us be better parents. I think it also saved my sanity. We learned to stay calm, where before there was lots of yelling. when she would scream at me, I swould scream right back and then feel terrible.
Our story does have a successful side to it - however we realize the this will be an ongoing adventure. My daughter and I are willing to share her story if you want to contact me via email. Is this allowed?
I am Ellen, alinasmom. rayellen@bellsouth.net