I have a 14 year old girl. Good in school, in fact all the teacher's tell me she's an excellent student. The problem I have is at home. Shes the only child I have and no, I don't spoil her. Her father and I separtated when she was still young, but she see's him everyday.

The problem is that she can be sweet one moment and the next minute she's a #$%&@!!! I don't understand her. Around family, friends and adults, sweet as can be polite. Then at home, it's like "WHAT THE HELL?" She's doesn't do what she asked to do unless I'm screaming!, I clean up I just pick up her things and throw them in her room, which looks like "A battle zone." She will not pick up after her self. Will not help around the house. But when it's something that she wants. She'll clean at it, never completing the task. Just doing enough to get by. I have just about given up on her. Taking away things from her does not phase her in the least. And I might add that her father is no help. But when I say no, he says yes. And when I say something to him about it. His story is that I should have more control over the situation. And don't mention counseling, now I'm the bad guy and the only one with the problem.

Please somebody help me, I am seriously thinking about sending her away because there are times I don't know her, and what I'm about to say seems sad, but she makes it hard to like her. I'm sitting here writing this in tears, because I don't want to feel this way about her. But I don't know what to do. HELP

It's so hard when you feel like you're trying your best and no one else experiences the problems you face! There are several articles and blog posts on Empowering Parents you might find helpful: Why Don't Consequences Work for My Teen; How to get Kids to Do Chores; How to Deal with Teens With Attitude; and The Do's and Don'ts of Divorce are good places to start. In the upcoming weeks, EP will be addressing the issue of kids who are "perfect" at school but awful at home. For now, you might try focusing on one issue at home, such as having your daughter pick up her things. As calmly as you can, let her know that she will have until a certain time - say 6 pm - to pick up her things from the common areas of your home. When she has completed that on time, she can earn a privilege that day, such as an hour on the computer, or something else she values. Establishing an end time is important, that way you don't have to keep reminding her to get it done, only to hear "later" over and over again. If her things are not picked up by the specified time, she loses that privilege for the day, and she gets to try again the next day. be sure to clarify with your daughter that the whole chore needs to be completed, not just part of it, in order to earn the privilege - don't let her get away with what James calls "partialization" - expecting the full reward for only part of the work. Once the two of you have seen some success in this one area, move on to the next most annoying behavior. Little by little, you can gain power and authority back in your home.

I total understant what you are talking about. I am having the same problem but my daughter is not doing well in school and has even cussed at a teacher.

I have considered sending her to a bootcamp for troubled teens but she is not old enough. I have even told my daughter that I love her no matter what happens but I don't like the person she is. I think that made her think some. I have seen slight changes. I will pray for you and your family and I will continue to hope for all parents fighting this fight.