A Day in the Life of a Child with O.D.D.

Posted April 21, 2008 by

A day with a child who has Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a series of battles. It starts when they wake up, continues at breakfast, intensifies when they have to get dressed, and doesn’t end until they fight with you over bedtime.

Kids with ODD lose their temper quickly and often. They’re easily annoyed and frustrated by other people, resentful and hostile with adults, bossy and pushy with other kids. They blame everyone else for their difficulties and make excuses for their inability to cope. They gravitate toward negative peers and tend to be sulking, angry adolescents. As a parent, you can’t satisfy a child with ODD, since their thinking is irrational. They clamor for your attention and then tell you to leave them alone. The sad truth is, kids with ODD aren’t very likeable. Parents often feel guilty about the fact that they love their kids, but don’t like being around them. The focus of treatment should be on developing compliance and coping skills, not primarily on self-esteem or personality. ODD is not a self-esteem issue; it’s a problem solving issue.

To read more of James Lehman’s article on ODD, check out “The War at Home” on Empowering Parents.

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  1. keysavangiza (Edit) Report

    I am a single mother of three children. I am also “disabled” according to my doctors. I have numbness down my left side, especially my left calf and foot. I have high blood pressure and vision issues as well. My children have not been diagnosed with any disorder but some of the signs and symptoms are placed with different disorders I can now ask the “new” doctor about. My oldest is five years old. She is very difficult to work with. She will fight her siblings for my attention and once she gets it and knows the others have stopped fighting, she wants nothing to do with me. I cannot get her to sit still and focus for five seconds let alone five minutes. Getting school work done is a chore. My second daughter is four years old. She is a screamer from the time she was born. She has a very severe anger issue a majority of the time. She even holds her breath with her hands clintched at her sides. My son just turned three. He is pretty mellow but he has spurts of energy (without causes like sugar) and is hard to control once he gets going. I find it hard to cope with my children and at times (sad to say) dislike being around them. They are very distructive (rip up floors, tear up mattresses, blinds, ceiling fans, etc). I love my children very much and would give my life for them, as I did when I chose to continue to carry them against doctors wishes. I dont remember how I came across these pages but I am very greatful. They tell me so much more then my childrens pediatrician has been willing to. I just wanted to say thank you because, I dont feel so lonely.

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  2. A Nanny (Edit) Report

    Am I allowed to comment here? I am not a parent or a grandparent but I have worked with children for many years – many of whom have ADD, ADHD and/or ODD. I have discovered over the years that these conditions frequently go hand in hand with incredible skills that the kids can use to forge a wonderful life for themselves. I have read many of you say you despair of their ever being able to function in society, I would say to you – Don’t give up – THEY ARE TOTALLY WORTH ALL OF YOUR EFFORT.

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  3. Carole Banks, PSL Advisor (Edit) Report

    Laketra: James Lehman wrote the Total Transformation program to help parents address the behaviors you are describing. Helping your son make changes will take some work and some time. Even though you’re concerned about his relationship with his Dad, James Lehman says it’s more important to think in terms of needed skills. “The focus of treatment [for ODD] should be on developing compliance and coping skills, not primarily on self-esteem or personality.” Using Total Transformation tools, such as ‘strategic recognition and affection’ will help you learn how to encourage him when he is showing cooperation and a willingness to be flexible. James talks about ‘picking your battles’ and recognizing progress toward ‘improving’ even if there is still a lot of ‘improving’ left to do. You will probably find that since things have escalated to the point where your son has pushed you and is destroying property in anger, you will need the assistance of a professional counselor. And there may be times you will need to call in the next level of authority if he is refusing to respect your authority over him. Kids with ODD sometimes believe that they do not have to listen to anyone, and it can take some personal experience, such as talking to the school principal, a police officer, or a judge, to help them understand that there really are consequences for their behavior choices. The combination of ADHD and ODD can present real challenges for your son. Be sure to let his physician know that you are concerned that his current medications are not controlling his symptoms. Taking care of yourself will be important. Perhaps you can find support from a teacher or guidance counselor at your son’s school. If you purchase the Total Transformation program along with the Support Line service, we will be very glad to work with you on using the techniques to help your son develop the skills he needs and to offer you encouragement. We hope to hear from you and wish your family the very best.

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  4. Laketra (Edit) Report

    I am a single mother of two children. My son is the oldest 14years old and he has ADHD and was recently in the last 4months diagnosed with ODD ,by his pediatrition and he has yet to se another physicain , therapist etc. i am so overwhelmed with his anger and disrespectful behavior, My daughter 13yrs old is totally opposite and we are both so emotionally drained at times he is very disrespectful and defiant with me , my mother and teachers at school i have no support other than my mom , i have made manny efforts to get his father involved , in which i feel most of the anger lys because his dad doesnt spend time , or try to help to be in his life , it is so heartful , because sometimes i feel so alone , agree and lost as a parent all i want is the best for my kids . We have had many incidents in the last 3years with these symptoms and behavior or physical altercations , he stomps , slams doors , he has punch a whole in my wall , he has pushed me streamed , mumbles under his voice , told me he he hates his family . He is totally defiant with choors and rules of my home , he is currently on meds and i feel even sometimes they aren’t helping , i feel that my home is a battle grown on a daily basis . I just want to help myself to help him , i love my sone. I really need help and or advice.

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  5. Heather (Edit) Report

    How is it that so many of our children have ODD and so little is known about how to help them? I too have an ODD child. She is 14 now and I’ve watched the progression of her behavior from just being more touchy than other kids as a little one to out of control rages as a teen. Like many of the stories here, she has sweet moments where she is calm, helpful, caring and considerate but in the blink of an eye she can do a full swing to yelling, swearing, name calling, hitting, throwing things and slamming doors. She exhibits so many of the ODD behaviors of lying, making her own rules, manipulating for her own gain regardless of who gets hurt, stealing and shows a total lack of acceptance for her actions that it frightens me as a parent. There are days when I pray that we can make it through the next 4 years til she is old enough to move out, and there are days when I worry that we won’t get her turned around and able to survive or thrive on her own before she becomes an adult. Also like others here, she has been tested and is bright, but just wants to do what she wants to do – and if that means she doesn’t want to go to school or do her homework or chores, she just won’t do them regardless of the consequences I lay down for her.

    We too have noticed that when she was younger, she was great in school but by the time she got home, she couldn’t hold her temper any longer – so our home life was terrible with her outbursts. By about 3rd grade, she was no longer able to control herself in school either and we started getting reports of her acting out and anti-social behavior when she didn’t get her way. As a teen, her hormonal cycles have left us walking on eggshells trying to get an hour or two of peace at home and we dread every phone call or email from her teachers as they are seeing the same swings at school. She has taken to hanging out with people I don’t approve of and who have hurt her on occasion and many of our disagreements have disolved into threats of moving her to a facility where she can recieve full time counseling. She thinks that moving into foster care would make her happy but she doesn’t understand that her problems will go with her where ever she goes until she learns how to deal with her own behavior. I sometimes feel that she is more than I can handle and then feel terrible for even thinking that way… It is very frustrating and I hope some day to find the answers to help her.

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  6. Nery (Edit) Report

    I have a 7 year old child (now turning 8 in June) and Im not sure if he has ODD or not but with everythig I have read I can only think he does. My son gives me a hard time at least 4-5 days out of the week. He gets a tantrum because I tell him no about something as simple as him staying over my sisters or clean the mess you made or even if he can not find something he wants. When I mean a tantrum its not your ordinary 2 year old tantrum throwing themselfs on the floor. Its a hitting match and the I hate you mom and his favorite B&%$ch. I have delt with this problem since he has been about 4-5 years old. He has run away from me because I have told him no he can not stay some where. I can type my fingers away with the many stories of mylife with my son. I feel at times hopeless and alone. My husband has another way of dealing with my son then I do., I feel because of the situation my husband and I argue more and my older son is always left in the middle. My youngest hits and bothers my son just to get a thrill out of. I have ordered the Total Transformtion and havent recieved it but Im hoping that it can help us out. My some in a great kid but a good manipulator and he knows what he has done wrong afterwards. He knows when he is about to lose his control. The turn around of all of this is that he is a great child in school. He doesnt act up and makes good grades. His tracher and others are always telling how well behaved he is and well mannered. I look at them wanting to tell them are you serious are you really talking about my son.
    For all the parents thats reading this I feel your pain. I at times feel like running away and leaving all of this behind and I feel quilty for even thinking that but Im only human. I hope for all of us and our kids that we can over come all of this. Good luck parents!!!!

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  7. bonnie (Edit) Report

    i have a 13 year old son that has been diagnosed with a severe case of adhd and now he is showing signs of odd, and conduct disorder. he wants to rule the house and be the boss of everyone and every situation. he doesn’t want anyone to tell him what to do. he is failing terribly in school and doesn’t respect his teacher of any adults. my husband and i are really going through a hard time trying to cope and decipline him constantly. he abuses every privilage that you give him and is caught lying, stealing and cheating many times.
    we are in the process of trying to get him in to see some special doctors to try and find out what is best to do. he has been on ritalin since he was 5 years old and for the past 3 years, the ritalin is not working very well anymore.
    he also suffers from a sleep disorder and anxiety disorders.
    until we find out what to do from a doctors point of view, we are living in a very stressful situation.
    it’s not easy being a parent, especially if your child has adhd, odd, and other behavioral problems.
    i am a frustrated, stressed out mother.

    Reply
  8. Carole Banks, LCSW (Edit) Report

    Dear Tra: There is usually some discomfort in seeing a doctor. We have to find a way to accept and cope with this reality. Positive and negative self-talk can have a lot of influence on our thinking and our coping skills during anxious moments. For example, waiting for two hours and not being seen can increase your anxiety, especially if your thoughts are focused solely on expecting another bad experience. Try to go prepared with something that he can think about and do while he waits, such as taking a hand-held game to appointments or reading materials that he would enjoy. Help your son with his thinking by telling him that it is not unusual for it to be inconvenient and sometimes unpleasant to receive medical treatment. When his anxiety increases, he may try to remember that his long-term goal is to get the help he needs to feel better and that waiting is part of the process. As your son has successful experiences when he receives medical care, his expectations will change, and that should create changes in how he behaves. Good luck, and I hope this is helpful to you.

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  9. Tra (Edit) Report

    I have a question. Aside from everything else I deal with, with my son (13). (ADHD-ODD) I took my son to the doctors today and spent 2 hours in the office trying to get my son’s throat swabbed to see if he had strep throat. We ended up leaving the doctors office without him having the test done. The doctor was trying to see patients in between us.
    My son has had some bad experiences with doctors in the ER. Now he doesn’t trust any doctor. He went to emergency one time because he fell and his tooth went through his tongue and was bleeding continuously. They tried to give him a shot in his tongue to stitch it up. They wrapped him in a sheet and were sitting on top of him. The doctor was so angry he just squirted the shot in his mouth which made his throat swell and he couldn’t swallow. Obviously that was a nightmare. That evening we went to 3 hospitals, we ended up at a pediatric hospital and that Dr. said, he doesn’t need stitches, the tongue heals itself, and it did. He just had to rinse his mouth. I took him to the dentist before and he ran out to the parking lot and me and the nurses were trying to get him in the office for a cleaning.

    So when he needs to have his throat swabbed for strep. How on earth do I get him to trust they won’t hurt him. It’s a nightmare and embarrassing that my 13 yr. old won’t cooperate with the doctors.

    Please help.

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  10. msmishy (Edit) Report

    I have a 12 year old girl who has been diagnoised with ODD and Mood disorders sometimes I find it hard to get out of bed in the mornings to know that I have to face the never ending whining and blaming me for everything that has not fell right into place and even the things that may go wrong later in the day. Any counseling and medication only work for short periods of time. It seems like her body gets use to them and then they don’t work. Sleeping forget it she only needs short periods of sleep and you really can’t trust some of the things she does like lighting candles at night so you have to constantly stay on your toes. She is very impulsive. You wonder is this what I have to look forward to?

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  11. Rebecca from TX (Edit) Report

    Christie Says:
    October 8th, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    …So I guess my question is how do I know if he has this disorder. Everything I have read points to it but is he too young to be diagnosed with ODD.

    Hi Christie,
    I have a five year old boy that was recently diagnosed with ODD and ADHD. His behavior was so extreme that I could not take him into social situations because he was abusive toward the other children. He is now taking Strattera for the ADHD and Respridal (a mood stabilizer)for the ODD. With the medication he is able to handle his frustration and anger and to focus. Because of this he isn’t in a constant state of frustration. The constant battles have diminished considerably. We are working on teaching him new ways to handle his problems with James’ program and it helps so much. My boy is finally becoming the boy he wanted to be but couldn’t because of his psychological problems. And I am falling in love with my son all over again. His doctors told me that the early intervention he is receiving now gives him the best chance for success. Don’t wait. Take him to a psychiatrist to have him evaluated. They will be able to help you. There is hope!

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  12. Alice (Edit) Report

    My 14 yr old son was finally diagnosed with ADHD and possibly ODD – he fits the description. We purchased Dr. Leman’s T.Trans program about 6 months ago. We have slowly implemented it but everything came to a head when school started back up this fall. The 4th day of school he got up and decided he wasn’t going to go. We had already told him the consequence for not going was to lose his cell phone. I knew I physically couldn’t take it away, so called the co. and had it turned off. He went balistic, punching, hitting walls and doors. He tried to pick a fist fight with his father to the point that we had to leave the property to keep from getting too physical with him. We came back 10-15 min. later and he had broke into our room (we have a key lock on the bedroom door – now we have a dead-bolt) and had taken some of my jewelry and had stuffed a 4inch knife in his pocket. We called the police, he tried to run and they caught him. They charged him with possesion of a concealed weapon and petty larceny. It was hard watching him go through the court system, seeing him in ankle and leg chains in court, and it was costly – we had to provide a lawyer for him. But it was worth it in the long run. He is back home, on indefinite probation, required to go to school, required to follow our rules and many other restrictions. He has still pushed to get his way, but now we have a probation officer on our side, the court is on our side and he knows that he can be sent to a group home without notice if he goes off again. I am now using the Total Transformation Program more in-depth, the school counselor and probation officer are both amazed at my answers to my sons outbursts and attempts at manipulation. They see the potential for change in him and so do we. The program takes time, it may come to a head that you don’t want (Juvenille Detention, etc), but even that was a good thing in the long run. Don’t back down when they start pushing against you even harder when you start making changes. They just want to see if you are serious or not. Our son now knows we are serious!

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  13. Natalie (Edit) Report

    I bought the program, maybe I am not using it correctly, for my 12 year old daughter continues to argue ALL THE TIME. I am doing what you say to do, and still to no avail the blame is always placed on me, and request go unmet.
    HELP!

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  14. Christie (Edit) Report

    I am a mother of 2 wonderful children. My 5 year old is not diagnosed with ODD but I wonder at times if he has it. He is so defiant and disrespectfull at times, but at other times is so sweet and loving. I feel like some days we are in a constant battle. How do you know when it is more than just childhood defiance. He sees a counselor every other week and we have been working hard with him to control the anger and frustration he has. He seems to be so irritated at times though over the smallest things and can blow up at you very easily. He feels bad afterwards but does not seem to be able to control his emotions. So I guess my question is how do I know if he has this disorder. Everything I have read points to it but is he too young to be diagnosed with ODD.

    Christie

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  15. Gina Acosta (Edit) Report

    I am a 42 yr old single parent, herself ADHD and dx’d with chronic depression and anxiety disorder. I’ve been on meds for the anxiety and depression since age 14, and on Adderall XR for the past year. I have two children, a son who’s 16 (in December) who is dx’s ADHD, ODD, depressed, and possibly OCD as well. My daughter is 11, and dx’s ADHD and depressed, and possible anxiety disorder as well. All three of us have been in and out of therapy for the past five years, since the divorce of me from their father. Who, btw, doesn’t believe in ADHD and thinks its just me being a bad parent who can’t control our kids! Just one of the reasons we are divorced! My biggest problem is that when I am overwhelmed, I tend to shut down, whether that means locking myself in my room, sleeping, or leaving the house to go to the gym or get coffee, or go shopping…anything but dealing with the frustration of no one listening to what I say, and arguing me tag team style and wearing me down until I finally end up giving in, which is the major NO NO with kids like these! I recognize where I’m going wrong, but just can’t seem to find the strength to change it, and be consistent. We also struggle with a house that is beyond an embarrassment, its borderline to the state stepping in and taking the kids out of the house. More than once I’ve threatened to let just that happen in an effort to “scare them” into cleaning the house and KEEPING it clean, which is another issue completely. But of course I can’t allow that to happen, as I work as a nurse, and I could lose my licensure with a felony on the record. So I have to continually hire a clean out crew to come in, bag up everything into garbage bags, and dump them in the garage to be gone through one at a time. (which never ends up happening, natch) The therapists we are seeing are teaching the kids cognitivelly and behaviorally, but I’m not seem enough changes. Should I consider changing therapists? Or having us see a family therapist who can see all of us together and assess the resolution?? My son is currently in a residential treatment facility after completing 42 days in a wilderness treatment program. Insurance wouldn’t cover it, so I took a second on the house to pay for it. He’s been away from home for almost five months now, and the therapist there thinks he should be ready to come home in the next two months. My fear is that he will be changed, and ready to come home, and we won’t be ready for him here, and he will backslide. The house is still a disaster, his sister is still not following rules and is even following his behaviors even though my son is now counseling her against doing it, and showing her fully where she will go if she continues on his path. Both my kids don’t wake up in the morning and sleep like the dead, and have been that way since toddlerhood. Truancies and tardies are a constant here, no one ever seems to get anywhere on time! As per Dr Lehman, I know only wake them three times in the morning, and then give them warnings 10 mins and 5 mins before I walk out the door to go. If they are not ready, they get left, and then have to walk or go truant. We are a couple tardies away from having to go to court. The school puts all the blame/pressure on me, saying its MY responsibility to get my kids to school on time daily. I feel like everything relating to the kids and their “deficiencies” are directly blamed on me. When homework isn’t done, why didn’t I stand over their shoulders and enforce them to do it? When they are late for school, why didn’t I enforce them leaving on time, ready or not? (as if I can chase an 11 and 15 yr old around the house, catch them and drag them to the car???) When they don’t behave in an acceptable manner, why didn’t I teach them that kind of behavior isn’t acceptable? Let me also point out both my kids have been tested, both are well above average, capable of much more than they put out, and when they choose to be, can be delightful, loving, sensitive children. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? The audio tapes are helpful, but it feels like its barely making a dent in the problem overall. I’m frustrated and overwhelmed trying to parent these two with little if any support. My having ADHD and other issues of my own is NOT helpful, it just compounds the problems. If I can’t control myself and my own environment, how can I help my kids to learn how to do the same?

    Thanks for listening.

    Gina Acosta

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  16. Audrey (Edit) Report

    We adopted 4 of our grandchildren two years ago after having them as foster children for three years. They now are 12-girl, 10-girl, 8-girl and 6-boy. At first all were ADHD, PTS, neglect, abused and a few others. As the years went by and our pleas for help were never heard. We now have the older two as ODD, mood disoder, sexually acting out amoung other things. (Mother used alcohol, all kinds of drus, smoked before and during all the pregnacies, so all have problems.) We finally received some help (about 10 months ago) in the way of behavioral and sexual coaches and a therapist. The behavioral coaches came to our home four nights a week but turned into what I term as “Spies.” Little did I know that the kids were a powerful as they are in making up the stories they can because I was accused of negelect and abuse by the older two. The 10 year threaten to kill two boys at school and me in my sleep and this seemed ok in the eyes of Child Protective Services. But when I wanted them removed from the home because of the danger they possed to the younger two children (both terroized them in many ways) until a Theraputic home could be found for them now I am a “BAD PARENT.” Doesn’t help when your spouse isn’t behind you 100% and CPS is breathing down your neck. The older one is now in a Theraputic Home and the 10 year old in a shelter awating one. We did try to get the training to become a theraputic home BUT if you are not going to take in anymore children the state or other agencys do not want to even talk to you. Such a sad place to put parents, foster and adopted parents when help is so badly needed. We found this program and hope it will help us when it is time for them to return home, if they do, so we are prepared. If they don’t I am sure it will help with the younger ones since they have been put through so much abuse by the older ones for so long since I was so trying so hard and felt so guilty if I did what I finally had to do.

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  17. Elisabeth Wilkins Report

    @Michele:

    I have two articles from Empowering Parents that might help.One is called, “Angry Child? Fix the behavior, not the Feelings”, which includes tips on how to help kids calm down, http://www.empoweringparents.com/Angry-Child-Fix-the-Behavior-Not-the-Feelings.php. Also, “Why Saying No Sets off an ODD Child”. http://www.empoweringparents.com/Why-the-Word-No-Sets-off-a-Child-with-Oppositional-Defiant-Disorder.php I hope these are helpful to you. Hang in there! 🙂

    Reply
  18. Michele (Edit) Report

    I have an 8yr old and a 6 yr old, both have ADHD and one with ODD. I don’t really have a problem with him being mean spirited or intentionally hurtful. I do have a problem with him being “explosive” ie. aggressive, verbally inappropriate/indignant, and a temper tantrum at time. I don’t want him to end up like some of the stories I’ve read, pulling out hair, physical harm, and running away. I too love my son with all my heart and soul. I am also worried that if we don’t change his “behaviors” soon… it will be too late and he too will end up along in the real world as an adult. The interesting thing is, he will sometimes come to me and tell me, “Why can’t I control myself mommy, I want to behave and do good things, I just can’t help myself.” How can I get him to understand that how he behaves today will effect his future? I also need to explain to my boyfriend that he must be patient and understanding. I is of the mind that nothing is going to work, no matter what… what am I supposed to do? I’m fighting a loosing battle and I’m stuck in the middle playing a referee.

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  19. Nicole Mccreary (Edit) Report

    The Total Transformation was the best investment ever. My son has ADHD and we were told he has ODD. I questioned this because his behavior in school was never an issue. The issue was only at home. He learned that the teachers had rules and their consequences were serious. He learned to behave from ineffective parenting. Everything we read was describing our child.This program was more effective than counseling. Basically we had to teach him appropriate ways of getting what he wanted and how to solve problems. He did everything this program described just to get his own way. If you commit to the program it works. I listened to the Audio Cd’s all the time while driving.
    The ODD symptoms are not an issue anymore. Yes he challenges us still like when being told to turn off the T.V. he would make it a physical battle. Not anymore.
    Other parents have noticed he has come a long way with self control. I only wish we had found this program earlier. Thank You.

    Reply
  20. Jeannie (Edit) Report

    I am having difficulty finding meaningful consequences for my 6 year old. He is often “passively” defiant, meaning he will stand there and stare at me when I ask him to do something. He will stand there until I get mad and then either get mad himself or “play the victim”. I have to threaten him with losing a toy or not playing outside if he does not 1. respond to me 2. do the task that I have asked him to do.
    He has been working with a behavioral therapist for 7 months and there has been absolutely no change in his behavior. I have listened to the total transformation series several times and I have tried many of the techniques, but it is very difficult when I can get no feed back or cooperation from my child.

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  21. Carole Banks, LCSW Report

    Dear Rose: I would recommend that you start by listening to the One Minute Transformation CD in your program. The first thing James tells you to do is “Assume control.” It’s an important attitude change to help you implement the program. There are statements in what you write that suggest you and your mother feel you are not in control and cannot be in control. You say that your “14 year old pretty well runs the house.” Don’t let him. Someone does need to be in charge, but it should not be him. Assume control. Kids are not happy when we set limits, but it can make them feel safe and cared about. They are very bad at setting limits on themselves and need our help to keep their day in balance. If your son will not follow house rules and you determine that he needs a consequence for that choice, you can take away a privilege. It’s not too late. Just be sure to take it away for a short period of time–even as little as an hour can be effective at times. And be clear what it will take to earn that privilege back. You’ll hear more about consequences as you continue to study the program. Remember that his feelings are not what determine your rules. Just because he doesn’t like something, such as going to school or wearing certain clothes, this does not mean he does not have to learn how to go school anyway or wear a reasonable wardrobe. We all need to learn how to do things that must be done regardless of how we feel.

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  22. rose (Edit) Report

    I have a 14 year old who pretty well runs the house. I am a single mom with another 12 year old also. Grandma watches while I work. She says its too late to take things away from my 14 year old and just may make things worse. He doesn’t want to go to school, is very disrespectful, demands certain clothes only, is waited on hand and foot, It is a complete power struggle when I am home. I remove things and the fight is on…neverending.
    But my mom says it will make him angrier with me and go to the streets. Do I have to live with this fear, I ask my mom. I dont think I should have that hanging over my head.. I have the transformation program, but dont know where to start.

    Reply
  23. Jonna Dupuy (Edit) Report

    I have 3 kids (9,11,13(soon)), my oldest and youngest, have both been diagnosed as ADHD, my middle is HD (non-diagnosed) and all 3 are also ODD. According to a psychiatrist, the CRAZINESS, in our household is a common problem for familiies w/multiple ADHD kids. This was only a slightly comforting acknoledgement, but provided no impact on our situation.

    The few techniques I’ve tried in The Total Transformation system have helped, AND (not BUT) I’m not surprised (I’m prepared), when after a day or two of compliance the kids start to act-out (rebel) against the discipline. I TOO, have found the ability to frequently listen to the CD’s very helpful. It’s a refresher course and personal cheerleading team in one.

    I think it’s important to share & acknowledge that I too, have ADHD,am in counseling and take ADHD meds to help, with my issues. Consequently, sticking with this, or any parenting program is especially difficult. I know when Mr. Lehman said ADHD…. is just an “Insurance Diagnoses” was an accurate, and fresh perspective re: my childrens’ poor copingy skills. (I feel ODD is the same thing. Just a fancy way to CLASSIFY a behavioral problem.)

    But just as many of you have stated, I’m trying to keep my goal in mind. Which is, to have my children one day become responsible people with ‘good enough’ skills to be able to troubleshoot life’s many challenges. Because as “us grown-ups” all know, the consequences keep having a higher price tag. And frankly, I’d rather spend it on something else.

    I am waiting for the new “Consequences…” packet to arrive, because that is where I have a problem. Finding an appropiate one to make my point stick.

    It’s all a BIG puzzle; slowly, I finding pieces that are the RIGHT FIT for my family. Good LUCK with all of yours.

    Reply
  24. Lorraine Hornig (Edit) Report

    I am raising a grandson (currently 15-years-old) with ODD. He has been with my husband and I for nearly two years and it has been difficult. I have the Total Transformation program and it has been very helpful. About two months ago, my grandson’s therapist, his school and I have worked together to create a comprehensive behavioral plan. The mere act of writing down my expectations for my grandson and developing concrete consequences for violations is really paying off. Here’s one example: I expect my grandson to speak to me in a respectful manner (no swearing, yelling or temper tantrums). When he was disrespectful, I removed his TV and PlayStation from his room. When he was disrespectful again, I removed his CD player…and again, I removed his ipod. Soon there was not nothing in his room except his clothing and bed. Also, when he stomped up to his room and slammed the door, I took it off the hinges. I did not feel guilty about this and whenever he complained I reminded him that he made the decision to lose his “stuff” when he chose to disrespect me and behave inappropriately. After about a month he started to get the message and began behaving respectfully. When he finally got his TV back, he decided to test me and lost it again two days later…BUT his behavior immediately improved. He knows I mean business. There are far fewer arguments and he is learning to control his responses when he is angry. Progress is slow, but my grandson is worth it. My advise to people dealing with kids with ODD is to write down your expectations, develop consequences, review the behavior plan with your child and institute the consequences EVERY time the child violates expectations. ODD kids have an excuse for everything…but be strong…don’t accept any of their excuses.

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  25. Alice Funk (Edit) Report

    I am so happy for what Mr. Lehman teaches. It was expensive for me to buy the program, but therapy is no less expensive. With the CDs, I can go over them as often as I need to. And I have. I have gone through the CDs at least three times and the workbook twice.

    My son was just diagnosed with ODD. The school kept telling me that he was smart, even though he was failing.

    I am finally homeschooling him after they sent him to see a juvenile court officer for his behavior. That was their answer. Send him to court!

    I told them that he may be smart, but something was wrong. The school tested him, and he came out fine, of course. No distractions! In a room with one adult that he did not know. Sure, he did fine!

    I took him for independent testing and they say he has ODD, but that will not qualify him for “help” from public school, so they tacked on ADHD so that the schools will help.

    What it boils down to for me, and I understand this now, thanks to Mr. Lehman, is that my son must learn to deal with his issues now (he is 13, by the way) as a judge is not going to care that he has ODD or anything else when he flips out on someone and gets sent to jail.

    My goal now is to adjust myself and how I parent the child that I have. I am on a quest to help him and me get him grown!

    Thank you, Mr. Lehman for your help and the courage to go against the cultural flow that we seem to have going on now.

    Reply
  26. Emmett Ballard (Edit) Report

    I would like to have available discussions regarding pattern onset. I have a 9 month old daughter, a 3&1/2 year old son and 2 sons of 40 years and 32 years. My purpose in buying the Total Transformation program was to recognize and head off behavioral issues with the younger ones – and it does help. My wife and I observe good behavioral patterns in the 3 & 1/2 year old son with proper sleep, a scheduled life style, participating with him in activities, letting him show us his interests, reflecting positively upon his accomplishments (self esteem) but concerns for “Cultural Parenting” loom in my mind. I cannot and should not be with him all of the time but I need to be able to recognize onset of undesirable influence. We try to lead by example.

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  27. echo kinsey (Edit) Report

    SADLY I AM A GRANDMOTHER WHO IS RAISING 2 KIDS WITH ODD/ADHD/RAD AND OTHER ISSUES.ONLY ONE IS ON MEDS AND DESPITE THAT AND ENDLESS COUNSELING,LOTS OF STRUCTURE AND LOTS OF PRAISE AND ENCOURAGEMENT WE ARE NOT GETTING ANYWHERE.THE OLDEST CHILD IS A BOY AGE 10 AND HE SEEMS TO BE THE HARDEST ONE TO GET ANY PROGRESS WITH.VERY SOON HE WILL HAVE A BIG BROTHER FROM THE BIG BROTHER/BIG SISTER ORGANIZATION.WE HAVE WAITED 6 LONG YEARS FOR ONE AND HE IS VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT.NEXT YEAR HIS SISTER AGED 5 WILL FINALLY QUALIFY AGE WISE FOR A SISTER.ALL IN ALL I AM STRUGGLING AS NOT ONLY THEIR GRANDMOTHER/LEGAL GUARDIAN BUT ALSO AS A DISABLED WOMAN TO RAISE HAPPY,HEALTHY ,STRONG,LOVING,RESPONSIBLE KIDS TO BE THE AFOREMENTIONED ADULTS THAT I KNOW IS IN THEM.I JUST WANT TO REACH THEM BEFORE THEY BECOME UNREACHABLE TO EVERYONE.I FIRMLY BELIEVE IN THE SAYING THAT IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD AND IM REACHING OUT TO MINE TO HELP ME HELP THEM.THANKS FOR YOUR ARTICLE ON ODD KIDS.

    Reply
  28. Teri (Edit) Report

    Im a single parent of 2 children . My youngest has many disablities which some are ODD ,PDD-NOS , ADHD. I heard about your tapes just wish they were abit cheaper for parents like me could afford them. Reading about you and your childhood and what your doing now gives atleast me some faith that someday my son will have that chance also. So thank you very much.

    Reply

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