Girls Night Out (It’s Not What You Think!)

Posted March 3, 2011 by

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“We don’t get out much,” I confessed, winking at the cashier as the girls enthusiastically pulled at both my upper limbs.

We were ordering donuts and they were overwhelmed with choices, paralyzed with excitement, and couldn’t decide. A routine run for many families, perhaps, but a big deal for the three of us. We were having a blast.

I took my two eldest, girls ages 9 and 7, to grab some donuts and catch a movie while our three younger kids and my husband stayed home.

It was Girls Night Out.

“Mommy, Mommy,” they both panted, while planting gentle kisses on my cheeks. We snuggled into a faux leather loveseat at the donut joint and the 9-year-old cheered, “We should do this ALL the time, Mommy.”

“Watch me do this!” (Cartwheel attempted by 7-year-old.)

“Mommy, at what age did you start getting boobies?”

“Can you play this fast hand-slapping game with me? My friend taught it to me today at school.”

“There’s this boy at school, and he, uhhh, he likes me…” They rambled on and on, manic and trying to squeeze it all in. Breathless, they were unable to complete a sentence.

They were radiant and so was I. We could’ve been at the carwash, the bank, the grocery store; it didn’t matter. It was the first time in a very long time, that we had each other all to ourselves.

The Asylum

On weekends, we spend QT as a family unit — all seven of us. After school, it’s always the five kids and me. They are all vying for my attention and the reality is I am a slave to those that require the most supervision. Each day, I try anew to manage the chaos and juggle all their conflicting needs. Like a pinball bouncing haphazardly between them all, I find myself unable to focus on anything. Because the little ones, ages 6, 4, and 2, are so active and mischievous, i.e. time-consuming, the eldest girls are never able to get my undivided attention — or much of it at all. If I could mutate into several full-functioning mommy-selves, I could simultaneously help with homework and chase the free spirits as they charge out the door embarking upon the day’s outdoor adventure. But I cannot. I am only one person. Therefore, the girls must wait. And wait. And wait. And by the time the tots are down, hubby also wants to spend some time together, and rightfully so.

Toddler Time

The toddlers have me all to themselves while the others are in school and we engage in plenty of activities together. The problem is that they still want me all to themselves, even when the bigger ones arrive home. There’s a lot of sibling rivalry and jealously brewing and that’s normal. Call it  the “nature of the beast.” Anyone who comes from a large family knows that. And ironically, these very interactions will help deepen the emotional connections between all of them — even as they bicker and compete. But sometimes we all need a little quiet and time away from the mayhem.

Divide and Conquer

Changing the family dynamic on occasion and extracting the two biggest girls from the herd to enjoy a Girls Night Out is critical. It’s time to reconnect. I need time to really hear them without toddlers interrupting. And truthfully, I don’t want to miss out on any valuable bonding time with my quickly maturing inquisitive gals. They need me, just as I do them.  And we need to sneak away together to capture some special moments whenever we can. As their mommy, I need to conquer their hearts by setting aside designated time to calmly “be present.”

Despite the protests emanating from the rest of the posse, I will fight hard in defense of Girls Night Out. Deep in my heart, I know that the time I invest now in strengthening our relationships will have huge returns for many years to come.

About

Darah Zeledon aka The Warrior Mom is a wife, mom of 5, writer, fitness buff and thinker. Her unique voice reveals an experiential and academic knowledge of the social sciences—particularly psychology and sociology. Her empowering messages are born from an appreciation and passion for life and a nonstop quest for truth, reflecting a wisdom and resiliency earned by an array of challenging life experiences. Despite it all, Darah’s personal favorites are the quirky anecdotes exposing the chaotic tug-of-war between motherhood and personal passions. She’s currently working on her memoir—a tragic, yet inspiring story of the last five years of her life entitled: A Lucky Girl. You can read more of her musings at: http://www.warriormom.net

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  1. Darah Zeledon (Edit) Report

    Thanks for all your comments. I do strive to keep this tradition going, despite the protests coming from the rest of the family. I am happy to learn many of you, as well, recognize the bonding power of divide and conquer! DZ

    Reply
  2. FamilyIgloo (Edit) Report

    I agree that you should separate the kids from time to time in order to give them full attention. You may be even better taking out each one of the two old girls separately from time to time.

    Reply
  3. Aleya Bamdad (Edit) Report

    You’re right, it’s very important to spend quality time with your children because it makes your bond stronger and because they feel loved and in a sense become more confident as well. I love spending time with my daughter and even though she’s only 3 she actually thanks me when we go out and have girl time.This weekend it’s off to the nail salon- I can’t wait.

    Reply
  4. MOTG (Edit) Report

    darah
    I tried connecting to my 6 y.o a few days back, and she also opines that we girls should do this more often. I took her on a midnight adventure drive and sat talking eating icecream. Though we were only discussing the various flavors and types of icecreams and why i did not have sufficient choices like her when i was her age, she understood she was blessed. point delivered, job done, we came back home, with her cozily asleep in my arms. Dont we all love these “girls only time”, they are so hungry for information and we are their information dispenser!

    Reply
  5. Laurie Cooper (Edit) Report

    You are SO right! Spending one on one time with our kids is SO important! Even kids know the value of ‘our time’, so when we spend completely devoted time with them, it sends a huge message of their importance to us. And you’re right – the time spent now will have HUGE rewards in the future for you AND for them!

    Reply
  6. lacedeno (Edit) Report

    Hi Warrior Mom,

    I understand how you feel. I don’t have 5 kids, rather I have two boys. They are 13 & 15 years old. My 15 year old has ADHD and is having the devil of a time the past couple of months with regard to his behavior. He oscillates from sweet, loving, and wonderful into a complete alien of whom I’m sure has kidnapped my child and left its own non-human offspring behind! In addition, there are the ADHD related issues such as organization, getting hw done (he seems to be perpetually a month behind in everything). Obviously, this child requires so much time and attention, I have been feeling that my 13 year old may be feeling left out. And bless his little heart, he tries so hard to be the “good one”, the one who tries to remind me not to be stressed out, he comes to me 25 times an hour for hugs…sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I have to admit I sometimes cut the hugs short because of the surrounding chaos that is tied to the other one. Well, in reflecting on how li’l man may feel, I made a date with him for Friday night (tomorrow) to go out to one of his favorite restaurants…just the two of us. And like you’ve been saying, it gets so overwhelming when you have a child(ren) who are ultra-demanding of your time/attention, it’s imperative that we acknowledge the one(s) who may be feeling left behind…even if they are the understanding ones, they need mommy, too. Thanks for this post and Happy Girls Night Out!!!

    Reply

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