Over-parenting, over-praising and micro-managing your kids is suddenly out of fashion. What’s hip now? A revolutionary new idea: just letting them be. At least, that’s what a new article in the New York Times stated last week.
In the article, Motherlode blogger Lisa Belkin says that helicopter parents are starting to be seen as “uncool”. What was once a bone of contention (which mom or dad can be more involved in their kids’ lives?) is now seen as being overly controlling. It’s “time to let kids be” proclaim the experts now.
Well, I have to admit, I’m kind of relieved. I was never very good at the helicopter thing, anyway. I also think we’re seeing that it’s handicapping kids later in life, who seem at times powerless to make their own decisions because mom or dad has been there directing every activity since day 1.
In fact, a buddy of mine who works in admissions at a law school told me that they had to hire extra help just to deal with all the parents who insisted on going through orientation with their kids, and even attending the first week of classes with them. I actually know of one mother who went through a master’s program with her daughter in order to “be there for her.” She made sure they took the same classes together, and even insisted on sitting next to her (25 year old) child in class. It might sound nice to some on the surface, but it was a bit of a nightmare for the daughter, who never really made friends within her program and was never allowed to just, well, make mistakes sometimes.
In fact, someone told me recently that a big software corporation (which shall remain nameless) has personnel on staff JUST TO DEAL WITH THE PARENTS OF NEW HIRES. The parents are so intrusive that they need to have their own handlers. I don’t know about you, but by the time my son gets a job, I am hoping he’ll be able to handle whatever comes his way on his own, with some occasional advice from mom and dad.
So finally, common sense, hands-off parenting is coming back in style, and it’s just about time. I personally think it’s important to let kids be…and even let them fail sometimes. Otherwise, how are they ever going to know how good it feels to really succeed — on their own?
About Elisabeth Wilkins
Elisabeth Wilkins was the editor of Empowering Parents and the mother of an 10-year-old son. Her work has appeared in national and international publications, including Mothering, Motherhood (Singapore), Hausfrau, The Bad Mother Chronicles, and The Japan Times. Elisabeth holds a Masters in Fine Arts in Creative Writing from the University of Southern Maine.