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Parenting Articles about Stealing
Has your child been caught stealing or shoplifting? Advice from top experts on what to do as a parent, whether your child has just shoplifted something for the first time or if his or her behavior has developed into a pattern of lying and stealing.
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Rachel has just arrived at her child’s daycare after a stressful day of work. Her 5-year-old daughter Kyla immediately begins whining, “I can’t find my coat! Can you go get it for me?” Stressed, tired, and trying to avoid a meltdown in front of the other parents and teachers, Rachel rushes from room to room looking for it. When she finally hands Kyla the jacket, her daughter screams, “You carry it for me!” Rachel complies, all the while stuffing Kyla’s things into her backpack for her. “Are we ready to go?” Rachel asks with a sigh, only to hear, “Yes, but you forgot my lunchbox. It’s in the cubby.” With Kyla’s coat under her arm and her backpack over her shoulder, Rachel tucks the lunchbox under her chin, wondering how she became her child’s pack mule. |
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Has your child been caught stealing from you or someone else? Have you found him using your credit card for online gaming, taking money from your wallet without asking, or even taking big ticket items from the house? The anger, disappointment, and lack of trust you feel can be destructive for your relationship. Carole Banks, MSW and Parental Support Line Advisor has some advice. |
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“My fourteen year old daughter was arrested for shoplifting make-up this week,” said Marie, a working mother of two girls. “Is this just normal teen behavior, or is it something more serious? She’s grounded for a month and I’ve taken away her iPod and computer privileges, but to tell the truth, I’m still in shock. I’m furious and I’m not sure how to even talk to her about what she did.” |
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“Welcome to the Juvenile Justice System. We will do our best to ensure you have a pleasant visit so that you will return again and again!” This is what I believe the guide I read recently for parents to acquaint themselves with the Juvenile Justice System SHOULD say. Why am I reading about the DJS, you ask?
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We have a child who steals. My stepson has been stealing since he was 4 or 5 years old. This is not a simple case of “all kids steal at one point or another.” He started with toys and cell phones. When he was younger and his older brothers had Gameboys, he wanted them, too. Every time we turned around, one of his brothers’ would go missing and we’d find it under his bed. The same with cell phones; we’d find them hidden under the bed, in a lunch box, or just lying out in the open with obvious signs that texts were sent and calls were made.
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The email came unexpectedly last year, in the middle of a fairly normal afternoon. My husband's ex decided she could no longer manage their 9-year-old's behaviors and asked if we'd let him move in with us. We could not believe what we were reading! Of course we'd take him! We were elated. We were already involved in getting him services, taking him to therapy, etc. We knew that as long as he stayed there and no changes were made, it was always one step forward, two steps back.
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All children lie. There is a lying continuum and I think that some lying is a normal part of childhood. My 13-year-old son lies a tad more than your average child, but I believe he is still within that typical range. Did you brush your teeth? Yes OK, should I check your toothbrush? Well, I was going to brush them. Or, I was up until 2 am last night! Really, when I checked on you at 10 you were asleep. Well, I woke up at like 11 for a bit. So that is what I call normal childhood lying. I am not saying it is OK and he gets busted under interrogation, but it is not extreme.
My 10-year-old stepson is an extreme liar. He gets better at it every day and it is getting harder and harder to bust him each time. He refuses to crack. He came to live with us a year ago because his mother was unable to manage his behaviors. He was stealing things from family members, and lying when confronted. Obviously getting to the bottom of these behaviors has been a priority for us, and material for another blog, another day, but with the help of a therapist we have been working on consequences for him.
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