The word “disorder” conjures up images of illness, disease and serious disabilities. All parents want to see their child as the smartest, most capable and best liked boy or girl on the block. So why would they want to have a label attached to them that often coveys just the opposite--such as slow learner, under-achiever or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?
What a difference one word can make. Suppose we changed the last D in ADHD from “disorder” to “difference.” We could then say that a child with ADHD has some significant differences in his cognitive ability, emotional sensitivity and activity level when compared to other children. This difference is probably inherited. His “skill set” is different from 95% of the children in his class.
I believe that, as a society, we have created a monster with ADHD, and it has fueled our perception that medicating our children can solve all their problems-and ours.
Unfortunately, the environment in which he spends most of his time is geared toward the other 95%. However, we then could look at helping him to adapt successfully to this environment, using his own set of strengths rather than helping him to cope with this environment due to his weaknesses. We then might say that this child may need psychostimulants and/or psychological intervention to enable him to concentrate on boring tasks and control spontaneity in a highly regimented environment.
The above in some ways reflects the ongoing debate about whether ADHD is a valid mental health condition that requires appropriate medical and psychological intervention OR that ADHD is a mythical disease state, manufactured by the medical community in order to make huge profits and is promoted by educational bureaucrats and abusive parents desiring to tranquilize unruly kids. I believe that, as a society, we have created a monster with ADHD. We perceive it as a diagnosis that will forever change or even taint the course of our child’s life. And we are no longer surprised by the number of school-age children who are now diagnosed with ADHD. In fact, we have come to regard it as a norm, and it has fueled our perception that medicating our children can solve all their problems—and ours.
The facts, as in most debates, point to the truth being somewhere in the middle of these perceptions. ADHD is a condition worthy of future study to provide answers to scientific questions that will result in more accurate diagnosis and more effective methods of treatment. In the meantime, ADHD left untreated leads to a higher likelihood of depression, suicide and substance abuse later in life. ADHD appropriately treated leads to a higher likelihood of success in life because it can help the child properly channel his increased sensitivity, creativity and high energy.
On a more personal level, as a parent of a son who was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of five, I can identify with parents who may lean toward either the denial or victim mentality. When my wife and I were concerned about our son’s behavior and emotional well-being, the last thing I thought of was that he had ADHD. Sometimes, I was probably a bit on the overprotective side. But on the whole, once our whole family accepted that he was a child with an attention deficit hyperactivity difference who needed medication, along with psychological support (provided by us at home), the situation turned around completely. He responded well to the medication, and the crisis of emotional turmoil was over. Over the years, we continued to provide consistent structure (as best we could) and encouragement as well as teaching him how to relax, learn necessary social skills and how to “stop and think.” It all paid off. He has been off medication since middle school. He graduated with honors from a highly regarded university and is now pursuing a successful career in TV and film. He has a great sense of humor and lots of friends.
I encourage parents not be afraid of the diagnosis, give it undue weight and importance or use the label as a crutch for your child. Instead, I believe we need to accept it as the first step in turning a difficult situation around to a positive direction. Helping a child with ADHD succeed requires a team approach that often needs to continue over many years. That team includes the family, health professionals, teachers and, of course, the child. Children may need medication, but treatment guidelines indicate that psychological interventions are also important. In some cases, psychological interventions may be sufficient to bring about desired results. In other cases, they address symptoms medication alone does not help and may also actually reduce the dosage of medication necessary to achieve desired results.
Effective psychological interventions include parent education, behavior modification, home-school contracts, cognitive behavioral therapy, social skills training, relaxation training and mental exercises to improve cognitive functioning. Recent research indicates that many or all of these interventions may be most effective when implemented at home with the parents and the child working as a team. Not only does this approach appear to improve the short-term effectiveness of the interventions, it also results in positive parenting techniques and an open and supportive parent/child relationship that becomes a way of life that is consistent and enduring over time.
So, ADHD can be perceived as a label to be dreaded, used as an excuse to avoid difficult situations or it can be perceived as the identification of the problem underlying a child’s difficulties at home and at school which can be successfully addressed. On the one hand, it is a curse. On the other, it is an opportunity to make things better. The basic tenet of cognitive behavioral therapy is that how we think determines how we feel, which then determines how we behave. If we want to change how we feel and how we behave as the result of those feelings, we need to change how we think. ADHD: Think of it as an opportunity.
My Son is failing 4th grade, His teachers thinks he should be held back and repeat 4th grade, his grades are 68,69,71 and science class 89. We moved mid semester and had some family situations. I am not sure what to do. My sons self esteem is low and feel this will make it worse. What do you think?
Has your son been tested by the school for possible learning disabilities? Often schools would rather hold a student back than assess for learning disabilities and then provide individualized instruction to those who qualify. You can request testing at any time. If he qualifies for special education, it would be better for him to move on to the next grade, knowing that he is going to receive help to get where he needs to be. Also, it is good to know that some very bright people have overcome learning disabilities and have become very successful in life. You can learn more by going to my website: childdevelopmentinfo.com/adhd/adhd-school.htm.
- Dr. Robert Myers
I'm thinking of sending my son to a summer camp. Do you have any recommendations on finding a good camp for a child with ADHD?
It’s a good idea to provide access to structured activity during the summer for kids with ADHD. Depending on their age and severity of symptoms, this could include day camps or recreation programs through schools, churches, boys and girls clubs and park and recreation departments. Residential camps may be a good idea as well. However, kids with ADHD often have difficulty handling change and separation anxiety. You should ask your child’s doctor, therapist or teacher for guidance regarding the level and intensity that is appropriate for your child.
Since children with ADHD can get bored easily, you may be better with a number of short-term experiences throughout the summer with “kick back” time in between. Schwab Learning (a nonprofit support organization) provides valuable information on how to go about finding appropriate programs, as well as a directory of programs in their article, Summer Camps for Kids with Learning and Attention Problems. Visit their web site at www.schwablearning.org.
- Dr. Robert Myers
Hello
My daughter is 11. She is disrespectful, however she does not swear or take drugs. I can account for every moment of her life
She seems ungratefule for all the wonderful things she has. I don't feel the love from her like I used to. She seems cold and only uses me (I guess I let her)
She is easily angered and BLAMES every one for everything. Today I asked her twice
It sounds like your daughter maybe depressed. You may want to check with the school to see if they are noticing similar behavior. You then may want to discuss your concerns with your child's physician or a school pyschologist.
- Dr. Robert Myers
If my child is on Concerta 27mg and she is only 10. Is there a long term affect as she gets older?
Your daughter is taking less than the maximum recommended dose for her age group, which is 54mg. Usually children do not experience any adverse outcomes from taking stimulants over a long period of time. For more information on medications, please go to my website: www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/ADHD/adhd-medicines.htm
- Dr. Robert Myers
DEAR DR MYERS, I HAVE A 15 YEAR OLD SON - HE WAS IDENTIFIED AS GIFTED AT HIS SCHOOL IN EVRY AREA. HE IS A VERY PLEASANT BOY TO BE AROUND - EVERYONE LIKES HIM - HE DOESN'T INTERRUPT CLASS (AT LEASET NOT ANY MORE OR LESS THAN ANY BOY IS AGE. THE PROBLEM IS HIS GRADES - THEY HAVE CONTINUOUSLY DROPPED. AT THIS TIME HE IS GETTING C OR BELOW IN EVERY SUBJECT EXCEPT BAND - EVEN HOME EC (OR WHATEVER THEY CALL IT NOW). HE CONINUSOUSLY FORGETS TO DO HOMEWORK, AND THE TEACHERS ARE EVEN HAVING A HARD TIME GETTING HIM TO GET HIS CLASSWORK DONE. HE HAS A GREAT MEMORY FOR FACTS, BUT CANNOT REMEMBER HIS HOMEWORK. HE LOOSES EVERYTHING - GLASSES, COATS, EVERYTHING. HE HAS LOST 4 OF HIS FOLDERS IN THE LAST MONTH (THESE ARE PART OF HIS GRADES). WE HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING FROM QUIT TALKS TO SCREAMING MATCHES. HE HAS BEEN GROUNDED FROM EVERYTHING AND HAD EVERYTHING TAKEN AWAY. WHEN ASKED WHY HE JUST KEEPS SAYING HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE CAN'NT REMEMBER. WE LOVE OUR SON DEARLY AND I CAN'NT STAND BEING SO
I have seen some very bright children show the effects of either mild to moderate ADHD or learning disabilities in high school. Their high IQ has helped them compensate for awhile, but as the work gets harder, they get frustrated. This is especially hard for them because, up to this point, school has been easy. Your son should be tested by the school to determine what is going on and how best to help him. Please go to my website for more information: www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/ADHD/adhd-school.htm
- Dr. Robert Myers
My son has ADHD and is 9 years old. He has always had difficulty focusing and staying on task, but over the last couple of months it's gotten worse and he's downright defiant, and not with just his parents, but teachers and relatives as well. He refuses to do his work or take tests in school, he refuses to do his homework at home. When he's asked to do anything from pick his coat up off the floor or come to dinner, he goes and does something else and just ignores us. When we try to talk to him, he ignores us. His current doctor has put him on an anti-depressant, but it doesn't seem to be helping much. How do I get through to him?
Depression can go along with ADHD. Psychological intervention is often more helpful than medication to treat depression in children. You can get a referral to a child psychologist from your son's pediatrician or consider using Total Focus, which has a number of components that help ADHD children improve self-esteem and self-control.
- Dr. Robert Myers
How do you decipline a 5 year old child with ADHD? She'll be 5 in June.
My grandson is now in 1st grade, made A's and B's all year, is not a discipline problem and not ADD or ADHD. He has moods where he just doesn't want to do his homework and gives his Mom a hard time. Does this sound familiar with 1st graders? She thinks he is just immature and needs to be held back in 1st for maturity. What do you think? I disagree with her thinking. Please answer ASAP. Thanks! Ruby
His mom should talk with his school about this issue and follow their recommendations. Some children, especially boys, may not be ready for 1st grade at the age of 6. It is a shame that schools give homework to 1st graders at all. They are way too young to have this burden.
- Dr. Robert Myers
WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO HELP MY CHILD WITH ADD, HIS MEDICINE SEEMS TO HELP SOME BUT I DONT THINK AWHOLE LOT ?ANY SUGGESTIONS ON OTHER METHODS TO TRY?
ANGIE
Treatment guidelines for children with ADHD stress that psychological interventions, including behavior modification and cognitive behavioral therapy, should be pursued along with medication. I would suggest you take a look at our Total Focus Program to provide the additional help you are seeking.
- Dr. Robert Myers
My adopted daughter has a tendancy to steal from us, her parents. I' having a hard time separating my feelings from the logical consequences I need to impose on her actions. I very much resent the fact that she feels she can take anything she wants and I don't like feeling resentful of her much of the time. How can I effectively deal with this issue without resentment?
I would suggest some brief counseling, including family therapy from a child psychologist as the best path to take with this situation. Your doctor or school psychologist can probably give you a referral.
- Dr. Robert Myers
Should a child be allowed to watch TV until they go to sleep?
What do you do if your 5 year old will not sleep in their room?
My son does have ADHD but also Oppositional Definant Disorder, depression and anxiety this has been difficult as a child but now approaching 18 its really hard to fit into a zero tolerance society what hope can I and at least 3 other moms dealing with sons with these issues have? We have tried everything except jump off a cliff?
You definitely have had a full plate with your son. There is hope. As his brain continues to grow and mature, he will also. However, this pattern can, in a few individuals, lead to further mental health issues down the road. I would suggest getting your son into a support group. He should be followed regularly by a child psychiatrist to see that his medication is appropriate to his physical and life changes. Also, talk to his school about future plans for his education. Perhaps he could start advanced placement at a community college which would help him transition into an envrionment where he may be more comfortable. You may find some helpful information on my website www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/ADHD/adhd-teenager.htm
- Dr. Robert Myers
My son has been on 6 different meds for adhd in the last 3 years, they all seem to cause depression and withdrawal changes in his personality so I took him off in January, he failed 3 classes this year. Is there anything that can help him with attention and not make him depressed?
One thing would be to consider using a psychological approach like Total Focus. Also, if you have not already, you should get a consult with a child psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. If you live near a medical school you could check there.
- Dr. Robert Myers
My five year old grandson was recently thrown out of his preschool because of repeated disruptive behavior at nap time. He was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of three. At nap time he was singing, snapping his fingers, fidgeting and throwing his shoes around. The nap time teachers would not let him color or read at this time because they said it wasn't fair to the other children. However giving him quiet activites at this time was his peditricians advice because he felt my grandson had outgrown napping and this would take care of the behaviors during this time. What led up to his being thrown out was when the teachers sent him to the principals office for acting out at nap time and it was reported to my daughter while in the office he spat at them, threw things off the principals desk, was running around her office screaming and crying. My daughter is beside herself because she and my grandson's father have to work and now they have no daycare. Both of us grandparents are either five hours driving distance or a seven hour flight away and cannot help her out immediately. She is concerned about her son's emotional and physical safety when leaving him in the care of another person while at work. When interviewing with a potential provider she explains the behavioral issues surrounding her son the providers appears to be empathetic to her situation, meets her sons, agrees to take them on only to let her know a few days later they don't have placement for them. This has happened twice. My question is what can she do to get what she needs for her son with out scaring or presenting her son in a negative light to the provider illiciting negative overtones about her son?
Concerned Grandmother
Rona Richard
This situation unfortunately is not uncommon for parents of a young child with ADHD. The parents should check with the pediatrician for a referral to a daycare or preschool that can be supportive of your grandson. They should also check with Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) a national support organization with local chapters for additional help and support.
- Dr. Robert Myers
I have a very sick daughter and requires many trips to the Hospitial and Doctors office She Has very controled food that she is allowed to eat. I have another daughter
who is one year older adn Complains about the special treatment the other on gets.
(needs) I try my best to make time for just her but she just dosen't get it that her sister is sick. I am starting to resent her selfish and inconsideration.
How can I make her see that how searious this is.
thank you
Your daughter's reaction is very normal. She is worried about her sister while at the same time feels separated from her mother, and she may also feel guilty about her feelings toward her sister, which may have caused her to become depressed. The situation you describe is very stressful for all concerned. I worked with children and families in similar stituations for 15 years at a children's hospital. You all need support. Check with the hospital to see if they have sibling groups. Also, check with the school to see if they could offer help from a school counselor or ask your doctor for recommendations. My best to you and your family during the difficult time in your life.
- Dr. Robert Myers
Our son has ADHD but we are having trouble finding a Psychologist in our area who can assist us with effective psychological interventions. How is the best way to find an effective Psychologist?
You should see if his physician, your health plan or the school can give you a referral. You can go online and get a referral from the American Psychological Association or your state's psychological association. You may also want to consider using Total Focus as way to get help.
- Dr. Robert Myers
when my grandson does not want to listen there is nothing that will change his mind, is there something that I can do?
This is a typical behavior for kids with ADHD. Many put their hands over the ears when they don't want to hear. He needs help with frustration tolerance. A child psychologist can help you with this or consider looking at Total Focus, which uses cognitive behavioral therapy and relaxation training to help them. The materials are also fun and can create a better parent-child relationship.
- Dr. Robert Myers
Is there such a thing as an ADD child who is cognitively functioning average/above average and so doesn't present a symptoms are significantly impairing school on the Connors Questionaire? My son is doing ok academically. He gets very high grades and very low grades (90's, 80's, some 40's, 60's) and in the end he averages out with a decent grade. From the school work he brings home, he is very inconsisten with his performance which I think is possibly due to attention. I had to request specific help from the school because he was constantly forgetting his homework and books. He is a very forgetful and disorganized (the type that can't find his things). At home he has always been the kind of kid who can only handle one step directions. It has gotten to the point where it has caused a major stress on our family. I have tried to assess the situation to rule out if environmental issues may be distracting him. We tried counseling. I had him assess by a child psychiatrist who treats with naturopathic treatments. There was minimal results with expensive out of pocket expenses. I also tried homeopathic treatment with minimal results. I recently had psychological testing at the request of the pediatric neurologist to rule out a learning disability. He came out as having no special needs which I suspected. The pediatric neurologist won't definately give him a diagnosis of ADD because the school's Connor report doesn't come up as significant. Again my question is: Can he sort of overcompensate for his attentional weaknesses by being cognitively bright?
As a parent you have some very good insights. He very well can be compensating and may be classified as having mild to moderate ADHD. Homeopathic remedies are not backed by research data as being effective. For mild to moderate ADHD, psychological intervention is recommended. The Total Focus program uses relaxation trainig and cognitive exercises to improve attention and concentration. These methods are backed by research. You may want to give it a try.
- Dr. Robert Myers
My son is 10 years old and has a diagnosis of ADHD. When things are good, they are great, and then he becomes completely oppositional and his attitude is awful. He tells us to shut up, he tells us to
Weclome to ADHD land. If you were in a parent support group, you would find you are not alone. These kids often swing back and forth in the severity of their symptoms for no apparent reason. Focalin is an excellent medication, and he is taking the maximum recommended daily dose. However, medication does not address all of the symptoms for most kids. You, your son, and the whole family could benefit from additional help in the form of psychological interventions such as those provided by Total Focus.
- Dr. Robert Myers
What should I do about an ADHD 13 yr.old boy that rushes through his homework and project just to get them done fast. He takes no time or prof-reading over them. I can find all kinds of mistakes but he does not seem to care about doing the best he can! Should I insist that he completes it correctly or should I let him slowly fail?
Discuss this with his teachers. Find out if they could narrow his homework to the essentials. You can offer to check his work, and if he improves it based on your comments, maybe you could offer a privilege like staying up later on the weekend. The other option is to let him experience the natural consequences of his behavior which will be low grades. Check out our website www.childdevelopmentinfo.com for information on teens with ADHD, use of rewards, and help with homework.
- Dr. Robert Myers
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