Why School is Hard for Kids with ADHD—and How You Can Help


adhd child exhausted from school and homework

“Can we talk about Daniel,” you say to your child’s teacher, a knot of fear in your belly. “He’s starting to say that he hates school and it’s stupid.”

“I wanted to talk to you, too,” the teacher says. “Daniel’s behavior in class and on the playground is very concerning.”

Now that knot is in your throat as you think, “What did he do now?” The big fears run through your mind:

“Will he stay in school?”

“Will school let him stay?”

“If he can’t turn in his homework now, in third grade, how will he ever keep a job?”

“If he keeps getting sent to the principal’s office, how will he learn to read and write?”

When a child is struggling at school, it hurts. When it’s a child with ADD or ADHD, the pain can create lifelong wounds.

Daniel has ADHD, and he is not alone. Researchers from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that between 2007 and 2009, an average of nine percent of children between the ages of five and seventeen were diagnosed with the disorder. Think about how that number impacts schools. Nearly one in ten kids has ADHD, which means practically every classroom in America will have one to three kids with the disorder. That’s a lot of impulsivity, distractibility, hyperactivity, and organizational/planning issues in one room. It’s also a lot of potential for behavioral challenges, conflicts, and concerns, creating a perfect storm of issues for kids with ADHD and ADD—and the teachers responsible for educating them.

If your child or teen has a diagnosis of ADHD or a learning disability, then you already know that school is difficult for unique thinkers, and it gets more challenging each year. While each child is unique and should have an individualized approach to treatment and management of their ADHD, there are some universal elements that make school hard to navigate. Getting teachers to agree to change their classroom or teaching style is often challenging.

As a public school based advocate for kids with behavioral and learning disabilities, I know how hard ADHD issues can be for kids, families, and teachers. I’m going to tell you a little bit about what it’s like for ADHD kids at school, what to do when your child zones out or panics, and also give you real strategies and tips for helping them find greater success at school.

What It’s Like To Live Without a Filter

The ability to filter out sensory input is both innate and learned. Unfortunately, children with ADHD haven’t learned how to filter out unnecessary sensory inputs, so their attention is drawn to every single sight and sound around them. They hear the hum of the overhead lights, the birds outside, the truck driving by, the teacher talking, and their classmate kicking their chair, and they can’t drown any of it out.

The sensory inputs all go in, and because they don’t get put into your child’s long-term memory, most of them go right back out. As a result, your child doesn’t know what the teacher just told them to do. They want to know, they tried to know, but it didn’t stick. The brain can only take in about 2,000 bits of information per second. That sounds like a lot, but it isn’t because only a little can get through. Unfortunately, when it’s filled with birds, fans, wet coats, and shadows, what the teacher wants you to pay attention to gets squeezed out.

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What’s more, the brain selects what comes in based on survival value. Say a fox emerges from his den and looks around. He knows the trees and grasses around him, but the hawk overhead and the mouse nearby are new. Which will he focus on? Not the food, but the threat. He will wait until the hawk has passed before going for his breakfast. Now imagine this is a child, and he can’t tell which is which. This will increase his anxiety so even less input comes in, causing decision-making to become reactive. The end result is that your child just wants to get out of there. Not a good state for learning, is it?

Students always pay attention, but not always to what the teacher or parent wants. Here are a few tips to help the desired input to come in:

Limit Distractions

Keep distractions and variables around your child to a minimum while he’s studying. Ask the teacher if he can use headphones or listen to music during test time. Perhaps his desk can face a blank wall, or he might be allowed to wear a hat or hoodie in class. Kids with ADHD should stay away from windows and doors and things to watch if possible. All of these can be done at home as well as at school.

Use Novelty To Engage Curiosity

If getting your child to pay attention is a challenge during homework time, you can do something different — put on a hat, walk backwards towards your child, or set them up on a beanbag or on the trampoline outside, ask them to sing the alphabet at random or use other ‘fun surprises’ to refocus. Don’t do it every day, or you will wear yourself out, but you could have Monday Madness, for instance, so your child knows that something different will happen that day. Hopefully, they will start using some of the techniques themselves.

Plan transitions in advance

For kids who get upset by transitions or new or unexpected activities, partner with the child and her teacher to plan in advance or to have them do it with the teacher. Don’t surprise them with changes if possible.

Fight, Flight—or Freeze?

Now that you know that Daniel can’t filter out the input that he doesn’t need, you can see that all that input can easily swirl around in his brain and swirl right back out. The ability to allow the info needed to enter the brain is the first step to learning. When the input is too much, the higher functioning parts of the brain lose control, anxiety takes over, and the reaction is fight, flight, or freeze. In a child, this usually looks like acting out or zoning out. The brain is saying, “This is too hard, and the chance for success is too low, so I’ll just stop trying.” You can see this is a key place for “behaviors” to occur. Here are some ways to combat that reaction:

Get the Brain To Engage Curiosity

Connect the lesson to something the child is interested in. Make a bet on what the outcome might be. The brain loves to be right. It feels great to set things up to have the student care about the outcome. Parents can do this by getting a syllabus from the teacher and getting related books and movies, checking out YouTube videos, or going to museums or locations that support the study unit. You can also make a bet with your child (it sounds odd, but it works) about what they will learn or what grade they will get. Pay out so the brain will experience pleasure.

Create Achievable Challenges With Frequent, Positive Feedback

Elements include having a consistent process in place that provides a safe learning environment and rewards for good work. All adults need to have similar expectations, so there is a predictable understanding of expectations.

Simplify Instructions

Simplify instructions by breaking down assignments or chores into manageable steps for homework or classroom work. Use multiple ways to share the information, including outlines, lists, and graphic organizers. Parents have reported success with using music and dancing or playing catch while memorizing multiplication tables or state capitols. It engages the brain’s pleasure center—and the movement and songs/chants use a different part of the brain. You can also teach your child how to access information by quietly tapping their foot to retrieve it.

Real Strategies That Can Help Your Child Be More Successful

School is hard for students like Daniel. They have to be explicitly taught how to self-regulate, filter sensory input, hold learning in long-term memory—and all the while made to feel safe, engaged, and hopeful. It’s a tall order.

An often overlooked strategy that can increase success is working with the child directly. Most kids with ADHD are sensitive, self-aware, and very creative thinkers. Ask the child what they need to make schoolwork better. It may not be what adults would suggest, so be open and willing to problem-solve together. Here are some quick tips:

Start With One Small Thing With a High Probability for Success

If academics cause your child a lot of stress, consider opportunities at school that are not during work time, such as recess, music, or art. Maybe they could be in charge of the soccer ball or jump ropes that go from the classroom out to recess and bring them back. Look for simple things that give them a sense of purpose and belonging.

Engage the Teacher in the Process

Work with the teacher to ensure there are positive feedback systems in place. Before talking to your child’s teacher, consider the teacher’s perspective and approach her or him with compassion and appreciation, rather than frustration, blame, or anger. Put yourself in the teacher’s shoes first.

Supply Your Child’s Teacher With a List

One successful strategy I have seen when teachers feel overwhelmed by a child’s behavioral needs is to give them a list of 10 or so strategies that work at home and allow them to choose which ones to try. That means you have to be okay with the list of ideas and not attached to which ones they choose. You can also ask for a meeting in 6-8 weeks after they have tried some things and then discuss what did and didn’t work and bring out the list again. Bite-sized pieces of information are usually easier to receive and use than an entire book, especially to a busy teacher.

Link Pleasure With Learning

Fill up the child’s brain with pleasurable, engaging, successful activities outside of school and try to link the two together whenever you can. Many kids with ADHD are drawn to computers and video games. They offer immediate feedback, a clear purpose, lots of visual engagement, and an external way to regulate. With your child, look for cool educationally based games and then offer your feedback (not praise) about how their performance in the game is similar to their school work. Choosing games with your child will increase their investment to use the game.

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There are many factors all wound together that impact a child’s school experience. By understanding them, you can begin to influence them and work with the school staff to make school work for your child.

When a child is struggling at school, it hurts. When it’s a child with ADHD, the pain can create lifelong wounds. There are many Daniels in our schools and communities, and it’s up to us to change the things we can do to make it work better. We can change our understanding, our expectations, our habits, and our beliefs. Kids with ADHD are not lazy, willful, or stupid. They are simply people who happen to think differently and learn uniquely. By changing our classrooms and living rooms to make it easier for them to show us their brilliance, we are creating a welcoming place for our kids with ADHD.

Related Content:
8 Tips for Parents of Children with ADHD
How to Stop Arguing and Start Talking with Your ADHD Child


Anna Stewart is a family advocate, writer, speaker, facilitator and single mother of 3 unique kids. She is passionate about helping families learn to advocate WITH their children and teens and supporting those with AD/HD. Anna is the author of School Support for Students with AD/HD.

Comments (11)
  • Guilty Mom
    My daughter was not diagnosed with ADD until she was a second semester Junior in high school. She got a diagnosis and was given a 504. She is very smart, she got a 36 on her ACT and was an honors graduate because of AP weighting. She chose a veryMore hard IT school that gave her a full scholarship. College won't give us her grades and she has been dishonest when asked about how she's doing. We just found out she has failed every class for the last year and has been dismissed. My husband and I need help understanding how this could happen.
  • leah
    I have a 10 year old son with adhd, ptsd and dyslexia. I have been dealing with his behavior since he was 5. He has been in and out of behavior facility a lot trying to get answers and nothing has help. I finally took him to UAMC to getMore proper diagnosed and that is when he was diagnosed with dyslexia with his adhd and ptsd. He has been in regular school with help with his IEP but they still told me he has to do homeschool because of his behavior. This was two years before the diagnose from UAMC and behavior facility. And now where he could go back to school the school was only letting him come back to school twice a day for two hours, he was doing really good and all of sudden he is behavior, refusing doing his homework, doing things without permission and running off. I had to go pick him up not even a hour after I dropped him off because he tried to run off, and now I have a meeting with the principle the next day and I have a feeling they are going to tell me he cant come to school any more. They don't realize where they don't allow him to come to school or on two days a week on mixed days I can't work. I am surviving on my son's survivor benefits from their biological father death., also where I lived there is no doctor or program where there is help with children with disabilties they are more than a hour away. With him not able to go to school and his behaivor with me and others where I cant go to work or have some what life for me has but me in a serve dipression where I dont know what to do any more, what am I am supposed to do how can I be a mother and support my two boys where my youngest prevents me of doing this and there is no help. The school doesnt care if I can work or not or how bad a mother is depressed and needing help. I dont know what to do anymore, I want my son to have the best future but with no education he wont be able to. And thats where I am a failure of a mom.
  • School Does Harm
    From my experience with my sons with ADHD, the educational system does significantly more harm than good. These kids are trapped in a messed up system of ignorance. It’s a shame because most individuals with ADHD that I have met are brilliant people. Society does a massive disservice to them!
    • mom c

      I agree the ignorance in the school system is dumbfounding

      Teachers and administrators need to be better educated so they may possibly be more understanding

  • Nobreaksforus
    I also have two sons with ADHD. What I have noticed the most is the lack of general understanding about the disorder within the educational community My oldest son struggles the most as he has more difficulty with executive functioning, while the other struggles more with impulsivity and focus. More Educators tend to treat the executive function difficulties as a character flaw in my older son which has created more problems for him. He is now a senior in highschool and every day is a huge struggle. I find it interesting that even the resource specialists tell me that he just needs to “mature”. What? This has nothing to do with maturity and he won’t “grow out of it”! This is all so frustrating to me and I’m sure even more so for my son. This is a “hidden” disability and I don’t wish it on anyone as even those that are supposed to help don’t seem to know what they are talking about.
  • AlexAlan1
    Thank you for this post. I am really struggling with understanding ADHD in my five year old child. He is struggling with behavior not yet academics and I needed some help understanding what's happening in his brain. The description about the filter is very helpful.
  • Adhdishard

    Thank you Anna for the article. I have two children with ADHD. They do have accommodations at school and have been successful so far. The oldest is in highschool now. All I have to say is that ADHD and school is VERY VERY VERY challenging. People can give all of the tips and strategies in the world,doctors can prescribe medications.... However, in the end this is all VERY VERY hard! Hard for the parent and hard for the child. Nothing (meds, strategies, tips, accommodations, behavior modifications, special diets) really helps all that much, it is a struggle; it is 100x harder than schooling with a non-ADHD child. We all work harder for a lesser outcome. It's hard and it stays hard.

    Good Luck.

    • struggleisreal
      Wow! this sounds like what my adhd teen would say. I know it's really hard and as a parent we can't give up. I which I could find more way to respond to teachers who think our kids don't care or that they are lazy and do just whatMore they want. Poor kid I think he got ADD from me :(
  • edwartfruitman
    School is not hard for the kids with ADHD only when their parents respond to the matters in the right way.
    • Emi


      I disagree with your statement, sir, and I'd like you to know why.

      I struggle with ADHD. When I was in High School, my parents were extremely supportive and encouraging. My mother majored in Child Development and knew a bit about ADHD, but when I was diagnosed with it as an elementary schooler, she learned everything she could about it and was constantly trying to help me find ways to be organized and stay on task. As I got older, I saw her as over-protective and tried to push her off my back and do things on my own. That didn't work out very well. When I had her support, it was easier to stay on task because she would remind me to write things down and keep track of my schedule. However, that did not make school any easier. I still had to force my brain to focus on the teacher, and sometimes I focused so hard that I couldn't remember the instructions because I spent so much brain power on focusing. (I know my brother, who also has ADHD, shares this problem. But that's not the point.) No matter what my parents did, school was still a mental prison for me. I struggled with completing my homework in a timely manner, it took me two to three times the effort and time to do homework than my non-ADHD friends, classmates, and siblings. I struggled with anxiety and depression that partly came as a result of not feeling good enough in school, work, sports, and at home. No matter how much effort I put into anything, especially schoolwork, it never truly showed my understanding of the subject or my abilities.

      I have met and talked to many people with ADHD. Some had very unsupportive parents, some had extremely supportive parents, and some had parents in the middle. Everyone I talked to struggled in school, not *because* of how their parents reacted, although it does certainly play a part in success in school, but simply because their brains were not structured the way it needed to be to excel like other students.

      I appreciate you reading all of this and I feel no negative feelings towards you. I am only trying to educate.

      Thank you.

      • Skipper
        As grandparent of 13 year with ADHD and related learning issues, my heart breaks daily. The anxiety many of the required school tasks impose, cause him to shut down. He avoids most written work unless provided with one-to-one help. While professionals recommend structure, I have not figured out aMore way to provide that structure in a manner that does not feel mean and insensitive. He is headed to high school and he is not prepared. He does not feel that strategies provided by therapists have helped him overcome accompanying anxiety caused by required tasks. My husband and I are at a loss how to get him ready for life. By the way, he is VERY smart in subjects that are of interest to him, but is unable to grasp information outside his area of interest. He can also debate me under the table. All very confusing and frustrating.
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