"I Love My Child...But Sometimes I Can't Stand Him!"

You’d do anything for your child, but you feel guilty about admitting the truth, even to yourself—sometimes you don’t like him very much. It’s a secret that many parents of acting-out kids share, but rarely confess to anyone. James Lehman explains how dealing with a difficult child can take its toll on the parent-child relationship, and he gives you some practical advice on how to handle it.

"Anger with an Angle": Is Your Child Using Anger to Control You?

Have your child’s angry outbursts worn you down so much that you’ve simply learned to give in? You should know that this is not a phase or a behavior that will “just go away on its own.” Read on to discover 5 things you can do to stop your child from using “Anger with an Angle” today.

"Why Is Everyone Always Mad at Me?"
Why Misreading Social Cues Leads to Acting Out Behavior

Does your child often perceive himself as being right when he’s wrong and wrong when he’s right? Some children have a hard time picking up on other people’s expressions, body language or social cues. These kids are often prone to thinking they’re being disapproved of or disliked when they’re not.

Are You Afraid of Your Acting Out Child?
Part II: 7 Ways to Get Back Parental Authority

In part two of this series, James gives you 7 ways to get back parental control and stop living in fear of your child’s tantrums and acting-out behavior.

Are You Afraid of Your Acting-Out Child? Part I: Why Giving in is a Dead End

Do you walk on eggshells around your child, afraid of doing anything to set him off? Do you appease him when you notice he’s winding up to throw a tantrum? In part one of a two-part series, James Lehman, MSW explains how fear of acting-out behavior sets up a dangerous pattern for your child—and the whole family.

Acting Out in School: When Your Child is the Class Troublemaker

Every parent of an acting-out child knows that once your kid has a reputation for being a troublemaker at school, it's very difficult to undo that label. That’s because your child becomes the label; when the teacher looks at him, she often just sees a troublemaker. Sadly, it's very hard to change that image, because even when your child tries harder, the label is reinforced when he slips up. And then he's really got problems, because not only is he still a troublemaker—now he's seen as a manipulator, too.

A Day in the Mind of Your Defiant Child

If you’re the parent of a defiant child, you’ve probably wondered what makes him so angry at life—and angry at you. With the school year approaching, are you gearing up for another difficult year with your child,  just hoping that he’ll make it through—and that you’ll be able to manage without falling apart? Realize that it doesn’t have to be a daily battle of wills once you understand what’s actually going on in your child’s head.

Trapped in a Screaming Match with Your Child? 5 Ways to Get Out Now

If yelling worked, parenting would be easy, wouldn't it? We’d simply shout, “Do it!” and our kids would comply. But here’s the truth: it doesn't work. I've told parents, “Look, if screaming at our kids was effective, I'd be out of business. You'd just be able to yell at your child and he'd change. Or you'd bring your child to my office, I'd shout at him and call him names for 45 minutes, and then he'd go home and be nice for a week.”

Power Struggles Part I: Are You at War with a Defiant Child?

Do you ever feel as if your relationship with your child has become one long, drawn-out (and exhausting) power struggle? If you're in this situation, it probably seems like you simply progress from  nagging your child over dirty laundry on the floor in the morning to arguing over bedtime at night. As they get older, power struggles get more entrenched as your child pushes against the rules: they start asking for things like the keys to the car and permission to go to all-night parties, “because all their friends’ parents said ‘yes.’”

The Oppositional, Defiant Teen:
How James Lehman tackles the toughest behavior disorder
(Excerpted from Transform Your Problem Child)

This week, read about an oppositional, defiant teen in James Lehman’s compelling new book, Transform Your Problem Child. Meet the parents and family of Caleb, who have been dealing with their son’s behavior since he was a young child, and “raising their tolerance for deviance” with each instance of acting out. When Caleb gets physically abusive, his parents go to see James—and are finally given real solutions to his behavior-- even if those solutions are not what they expected.

From "Problem Child" to Child Behavioral Therapist:
James Lehman's Personal Transformation

Next week: Read the Excerpt from James' new book, Transform Your Problem Child.

This week, James Lehman, MSW sits down with EP Editor Elisabeth Wilkins to talk about his life, his new book, and the hard-won lessons he discovered growing up as a defiant, acting-out child. From being abandoned in a basement as an infant to a life of crime and drug addiction in his teens and young adulthood, learn how James transformed his life—and how he’s teaching parents across North America to do the same thing with their own children.

We Got a Diagnosis for Our Child—Now What?
ADHD, ODD, LDs and More—What a Diagnosis Means for Your Child

A diagnosis is an important piece of the puzzle when we try to help kids with disabilities learn how to function. Many parents are relieved when they get a diagnosis for their acting-out, “problem child” because they see it as a guideline for the future. They think, “Now we’ll know what to do; this is it—we’ll finally get our child the help he needs.” But parents are often left with the fact that simply having a diagnosis doesn't necessarily mean they will be able to get help improving their child’s behavior, or get them the skills they need to learn in order to function successfully.

Good Behavior is not “Magic”—It’s a Skill
The Three Skills Every Child Needs for Good Behavior

When you have a child who acts out and is disrespectful, it’s easy to compare him to the so-called “good kids” who never seem to get into trouble or give their parents grief. Many people feel hopeless about the possibility of ever teaching their child to “magically” become the kind of well-behaved member of the family they envisioned before they had him.

Anger as a Weapon: When Your Child
“Points the Gun” at You

From young children to teens, James Lehman, MSW explains why your child is in trouble if he or she uses anger and acting out behavior to control others. When children use anger to get what they want, it can feel for all the world like they’re pointing a loaded weapon at you. As a parent, you dread the ugly and sometimes violent emotional outbursts that come with this type of behavior. I want to caution people that once a child is using extreme anger, they’re in a lot of trouble.

Emotional Blackmail: Is Your Child’s Behavior Holding You Hostage?

I’ve worked with many parents over the years who routinely gave in when their children acted out. One mother I met, I’ll call her Linda*, had a twelve-year-old son who often used emotional blackmail and threats of misbehavior to get his way. Linda dreaded taking him to the mall, because she knew she’d end up buying him anything he asked for in an effort to keep him from calling her names, stomping and yelling at her, and making a scene that left her feeling humiliated and powerless. In effect, her son’s behavior was holding her hostage.