Child Outbursts: Why Kids Blame, Make Excuses and Fight When You Challenge Their Behavior

Arguing with kids often seems like a losing battle—and it is. No matter what you say, your child has a smart comeback that pushes your buttons or leaves you speechless. And worst of all, when your child is angry, nothing is fair, and it’s never his fault. James Lehman explains how, in any argument, your child might set different “traps” for you to fall into. Once you know what these traps are, you’ll be able to avoid them—and hold your child accountable. Here, James translates what your child is really saying during an argument.

Is It an Adolescent Phase or Out-of-Control Behavior?
Part II: 8 Ways to Manage Acting-out Kids

In part two of this series, James discusses eight ways to challenge acting out behavior in kids today—from disrespect to breaking curfew to alcohol and substance abuse—in order to start changing your child's behavior tomorrow.

Is It an Adolescent Phase—or Out-of-Control Behavior?

“Every teen goes through this!” You tell yourself these words, but in the back of your mind, you wonder if your child’s disrespect, acting out and destructive behavior really is normal. How do you know if your child is going through an adolescent phase, or if his out-of-control behavior is here to stay? James Lehman has the answer in Part 1 of this 2-part series in Empowering Parents.

Your Child is Not Your Equal: Why You Have to Be the Boss

As a parent, if you aren’t the boss in your family, the lines of authority can become blurred very quickly. When your children are unsure about who's really in charge, they often act out, engage in risky behavior, or become extremely bossy and patronizing as a result. And eventually you start to resent them because you don't have a way to tell them what to do. You’ve effectively lost control.

5 Parenting Rules That Don't Work: How to Separate Fact from Fiction

Even before you become a parent, you start forming ideas about how you’ll raise your child. You get advice about it from all sides—your own parents and family, your friends, and books by so-called experts tell you "the rules" of good parenting. But most people soon find out that some of these techniques are simply fads—and many of them don’t work at all. Read on to see what James Lehman thinks are the top five most ineffective parenting concepts out there.

"I Love My Child...But Sometimes I Can't Stand Him!"

You’d do anything for your child, but you feel guilty about admitting the truth, even to yourself—sometimes you don’t like him very much. It’s a secret that many parents of acting-out kids share, but rarely confess to anyone. James Lehman explains how dealing with a difficult child can take its toll on the parent-child relationship, and he gives you some practical advice on how to handle it.

"Anger with an Angle": Is Your Child Using Anger to Control You?

Have your child’s angry outbursts worn you down so much that you’ve simply learned to give in? You should know that this is not a phase or a behavior that will “just go away on its own.” Read on to discover 5 things you can do to stop your child from using “Anger with an Angle” today.

"Parents Aren't the Problem—They're the Solution"

Do you feel like your family members, your kid’s teachers, and even counselors blame you for your child’s acting out behavior? You’re not alone. As James Lehman says, there are countless parents out there "living in little prisons"—feeling trapped, isolated, and ashamed of their child's defiant or out of control behavior. If you're in this situation, James has a message for you: you aren't your child's problem—you are the solution.

"My Child Thinks He's the Boss!"
How to Get Back Control of Your Home

Why do some kids try to become the so-called “alpha dogs” of their families? The answer lies in an old saying: Nature abhors a vacuum. And in my experience, if there's a vacuum of power in a family, somebody's going to try to fill it.

No Means No: How to Teach Your Child That You Mean Business

I think a lot of parents feel it’s important to explain their reasoning to their children in an attempt to get them to understand. Realize that along the way, wanting your child to understand can easily shift into wanting their approval, or their acceptance of your reasons. When this happens, parents can get stuck in a dynamic where they're over-explaining things to their children. I personally think that once you’ve given your child a reasonable amount of input, any further explanation defeats the purpose.

Homework Hell?
Part II: 7 Real Techniques That Work

Many parents write in to EP about homework battles with their kids. They want to know what to do about a child who procrastinates or who just can’t seem to stay focused on the task at hand. This week James Lehman shares tried and true methods to get kids to sit down and do the work.

Homework Hell?
Part I: How to Turn It Around

Has homework time become the seventh circle of hell in your house, with you nagging your kids to do their assignments and fighting with them over each math problem? If you and your child are battling nightly over schoolwork, read on to hear the real solutions James Lehman offers to this frustrating problem, in Part I of Homework Hell.

"Why Is Everyone Always Mad at Me?"
Why Misreading Social Cues Leads to Acting Out Behavior

Does your child often perceive himself as being right when he’s wrong and wrong when he’s right? Some children have a hard time picking up on other people’s expressions, body language or social cues. These kids are often prone to thinking they’re being disapproved of or disliked when they’re not.

Running Away Part II: "Mom, I Want to Come Home."
When Your Child is on the Streets

For kids, running away is like taking a long, dangerous timeout. They may use it to avoid some difficulty at home, or to hide from something that’s embarrassing to them. You can also look at running away as a power struggle, because kids will often run instead of taking responsibility for their actions or complying with house rules. Above all, as a parent, what you don't want to do is give it power. That's the cardinal rule: do not give this behavior power.

Differences in Parenting? How Your Child May Be Using it Against You

What do you do when your spouse doesn’t parent the same way you do? Hands-down, this is one of the most frequently asked questions we receive at Empowering Parents. “I want to set limits and give consequences, but he thinks I’m being too hard on our kids,” said one mother recently. “I’m tired of being the bad guy all the time!” Not only is that unhealthy for your relationship, it’s not good for your children, who often use that lack of agreement to take advantage of the situation. James Lehman, MSW, sat down with EP Editor Elisabeth Wilkins to talk about this difficult issue.