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Do you find yourself saying things to your child during an argument without even thinking about it? Let’s face it, it’s almost impossible to be detached or objective when your child is in your face fighting with you. And naturally, it feels like a personal attack when he’s saying rude things or calling you names. During those moments, it’s all too easy to respond with something hurtful. All of a sudden, your feelings take over—your emotions jump into the driver’s seat and your thinking moves into the back seat.

What comes out of your mouth doesn’t always get into your child’s ear the way you want it to.

Almost every parent has gotten mad and said things to their kids they wish they could take back. The trick is to figure out how to remain in control so you don’t end up saying something you’ll regret. Though this is easier said than done, trust me, it is possible—and it’s a skill you can learn, just like anything else.

On the parent coaching line, we hear from people all the time after they’ve had arguments with their kids. They call us to get perspective and to find out ways they can manage their children’s behavior—and their own responses—more effectively. Here are some examples of the types of phrases I believe you should avoid saying to your child during an argument. (Later, I’ll suggest some things you can say—and do—instead.)

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1. “That’s ridiculous! How can you be upset about that?”

If you have a teenager in the house, you’ve probably seen him get upset about issues that seem insignificant or petty. You wonder how he can stomp into his room and slam the door just because his girlfriend didn’t text him back immediately. While his behavior might seem ridiculous by adult standards, try to refrain from invalidating his feelings. Think about a scenario where you’ve been upset and someone has brushed off your emotions. How did that make you feel? When a child believes his thoughts or feelings have been denied, not only does he feel more isolated, he’s liable to get even more angry, frustrated and moody.

So if your child says, “You never take my side; you’re always on my brother’s side,” during an argument, and you reply, “No, that’s not true,” that’s also a form of invalidation. Instead of saying, “That’s not true,” I think you could say, “Well, I see that a little differently. Tell me more about how you see it.” By the way, you wouldn’t want to ask that question during an argument, because it will just draw out the fighting and give your child more ammunition. Do it afterward, when he has calmed down and is ready to talk.

2. “You’re just like your father.” / “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” 

Even though it sounds fairly harmless, this one-two punch knocks down your child and his dad or mom. When Dad is frequently criticized in the home, for example, it’s not a compliment to your child to be compared to his father. And every time his dad is put down in the future, your child will receive two more punches.

It’s uncomfortable for kids to hear their parents saying negative things about each other, and if a child has been labeled as being “just like his dad,” he will feel anger and shame when Dad is criticized. If it’s an ex-spouse your child is being compared to, he may also feel that this is a threatening statement. In other words, if he’s just like his father and his parents are divorced, where does that leave him?

It’s also a mistake to say things like, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” This is a pitfall for parents, especially when you have one child who acts out and one who behaves fairly reasonably. When you use this kind of comparison, it’s hurtful and also pits your children against each other—you are tapping directly into sibling rivalry and actually fanning the flames between your kids. Remember, they are unique and each has good qualities.

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3. “You never do anything right.” / “You’re a loser.”

Being called a screw-up or an idiot is demeaning. These things are said to make people feel shame, or to put them in their place. Though many people think shame is a good way to punish kids, I don’t think it gives children the tools they need to learn new skills. In fact, it will often have the opposite effect because it may cause them to withdraw. In the long run, shame will make your child less capable of making the right decisions.

By the way, shame is different from guilt, which can actually be a healthy emotion. Feeling guilty is not bad because it contains feelings of remorse and accountability. You should feel regret when you do something wrong or hurtful; that’s natural. You want your child to feel some guilt when she borrows her sister’s sweater without asking and then ruins it—and you want her to be accountable for that action. But don’t use shame to try to make your child feel guilty. Shame has the effect of saying, “You’re a worthless person.” When the message is one of embarrassment and humiliation, it doesn’t teach accountability.

4. “I’m through with you!”

We’ve all been fed up with our kids and thrown up our hands, but this phrase makes children feel isolated and should be avoided. “I’m through with you,” is an angry threat often said with the desire to hurt the other person. In the long-term, continuing to say these types of remarks to your child will hurt your relationship.

Think of it this way: A child depends on his parents for survival. Parents provide protection, food, clothing and housing. So if the person who is in charge of nurturing the child makes a statement saying, “I’m cutting you off,” it’s shocking, frightening and can be very wounding.

5. “I wish I’d never had kids.”

First of all, I want to say that you’re not a monster if you’ve felt this way. We are all capable of feeling negative things at certain times. After a difficult day or a crushing argument with your child, you might think, “Sometimes I wish I never had children,” because you’re exhausted, drained and upset. It’s important to understand that this feeling is “of the moment,” and is not your overall emotion.

When you’re feeling this way, I recommend that you bite your tongue and take some time to yourself to decompress and get back on track. Using these words to make your child feel badly for something he’s done will usually only serve to make your relationship with him more volatile. If your child thinks he has nothing to lose—including your affection—he will often act out more.

6. “I hate you, too!”

When you say, “I hate you, too,” to win an argument with your child, you’ve already lost. You’re not your child’s peer and you’re not in a competition with him. By saying “I hate you,” you’ve just brought yourself down to your child’s level of maturity and left him thinking, “If my parent finds me repulsive, then I must be.”

If you do say this to your child in the heat of an argument, it’s important to go back later and say, “Listen, I realize that I said, ‘I hate you, too,’ and I want to apologize. It was wrong to say that to you. I am going to try to do a better job with my anger in the future.” Keep it about your issues; you don’t have to give your child a long explanation.

What to Do Instead of Saying Something You Might Regret

Parents wield a lot of psychological power over their kids. We tend to forget that sometimes—especially when our children are making us crazy. This happens to every parent, but we have to remember to hold back our emotions and our words and only say the things that are going to help teach the lessons we want our kids to learn.

If you’re in that moment of extreme anger and frustration with your child here are several things you can do.

Take a deep breath: Take a deep breath when you’re upset. This will make you feel less tense and the pause will give you time to stop yourself from saying those hurtful words. Remember, as James Lehman says, “You don’t have to attend every fight you’re invited to.” Look at it this way: what happens when one side lets go of the rope in tug-of-war? The line goes slack and the other side has nothing to struggle against anymore. Take a deep breath and let go of that rope. This will give you time to calm down and regroup.

Refocus: Learn how to refocus your child on the task at hand. If you’re trying to get your 12-year-old to do their homework and he gets angry and says, “I hate you,” I suggest you respond with, “We’re not talking about whether you love or hate me right now. What we’re talking about is you doing your math. Let’s focus on that.” Kids will sometimes try to manipulate parents into a power struggle in order to avoid doing something they don’t want to do. Try to focus on what needs to be done—and don’t let their words derail you or bring you down to their maturity level.

Replace your words with an action: Recognize that if you’ve gotten to the point where you’re about to blurt something out that you may regret, it’s a sign that you should leave the argument altogether. Again, you don’t have to attend that fight. What you need in this situation is an exit strategy. Simply state, “I don’t want to talk about this right now. We’ll talk later when things are calmer.” Then leave the room.

Resolve to stop: Sometimes people call parent coaching and say, “I don’t know how to stop saying these things to my child.” It sounds simple, but part of how you stop is by making up your mind to quit. Tell yourself that you won’t allow yourself to say those things anymore; they are no longer an option. When you take that possibility off the table, you will then be able to do something different.

Try to think about what you want your relationship with your kids to look like ten or twenty years from now; don’t simply focus on this moment of tension when your frustration is really high.

As a parent, there are days when you open your mouth and hear your own mother’s or father’s words coming out—good and bad. I believe that parents usually don’t mean it when they say hurtful things to their kids. But remember, what you say—and what you mean—isn’t always what your child hears. As James Lehman says, “It’s important to realize that what comes out of your mouth doesn’t always get into your child’s ear the way you want it to.”

In any close relationship, people are going to bump into each other now and again. Unfortunately, people say hurtful things—we’ve all done it. But honestly, if a parent can go back to their child and say, “I’m sorry that I said this to you, I realize that it was wrong,” that’s usually enough. Most children are very forgiving; they love their parents and want to get along with them. They may still remember what you said, but they’ll also remember the apology. That’s good role modeling for any relationship, because you’re saying, “I made a mistake. I’m sorry. I’m going to try not to do this anymore. And I love you.”

About

Carole Banks, LCSW holds a Masters Degree in Clinical Social Work from the University of New England. Carole has worked as a family and individual therapist for over 16 years, and is a former online parent coach for Empowering Parents. She is also the mother of three grown children and grandmother of six.

Comments (34)
  • Cara Von Tress
    If you regret saying it, then you're obviously not a bad parent/
  • Bella
    I usually try to bite my tongue, I've done the best I can in the moment even when my best feels like my worst :( I've had some tough times being a mom, and I'm learning the more I talk to other moms that I'm not alone. The other dayMore I made the biggest mistake in a moment of pure overwhelming emotion and anger , I said that I would leave and never come back :( this makes me cry just typing it out, I feel ashamed, embarrassed and like how could I ever forgive myself for it, right away I talked to my 3 and 7 year old and told them it was very hurtful of mommy to say that and that I would never leave . I explained parents have temper tantrums sometimes and say things they don't mean but that it wasn't ok for me to say those things and I apologized and had a good talk with them. I have noticed though now that my 3 year old daughter , who's almost 4 , seems to be very unsure if I am going to come back when I go out. She's very attached to me and even when someone knocks on the door she'll leave whatever she's doing and make sure Im not going anywhere :( my heart is so broken , how do I help my kids heal from this ? It's been a long road in my life from abuse when I was a child to terrible relationships making it through addiction and now in recovery for the last 6 years. I don't always love being a mom and sometimes feel like their better off without me, but I love them so much and know that this is a journey and they teach me so much about myself and what I still need to heal from....any advice would be so appreciated, and judgments will not help as I am already beating myself down enough as it is. Thanks for creating a safe space where I can share. ??
    • Robert Tomko

      Hello Bella,

      I am 100 empathetic to your cause, and we will never stop being tested as parents and as people with a full range of emotions. The important thing was the regret and the apology, and this will allow for better moments going forward. As a child, I moved on from instances where my parents apologized to me and showed grief and affection after something that went sideways. In my case, I have a 4 1/2 year old child who has a very domineering personality (not unlike Jimmie Dean) and boundaries are always being tested. A lot of time it feels like a hockey game, but at bedtime there is the hug and kiss goodnight with no hard feelings. Kids respect contrition but also shows of strength and anger from parents when it is called for. As a layperson, I offer you that much having seen it all in the "theater", as it were. As well, I would also suggest not abiding by any kind of boilerplate template to deal with any unfolding situation, as they are all fluid and different in their own way. Remember that you are the "expert" in training and many people who offer advice do not have kids of their own.

      I validate your journey as a parent and a human and wish you the very best. I have done my share of grieving and crying as a father. It comes with it all, the unglamorous duty of a parent. Stay strong!

    • Denise Rowden, Parent Coach
      Hi, Bella. I hear you. We all have moments in parenting when our emotions get the better of us and we say things that in hindsight we deeply regret. I'm glad to hear you went back after things calmed down to apologize to your children. That's really important to doMore in these situations and it helps to role model how to take accountability for your actions. Continue to offer your daughter reassurances when appropriate and try to forgive yourself - you are only human after all and are allowed to make mistakes. Best of luck to you and your family going forward. Be sure to check back and let us know how things are going. Take care.
      • Lucy
        I googled tonight "I called my child an idiot and I feel terrible" and this thread came up with this comment and the reply and it's made me feel better. Thank you. She's only 7 and she was making a card and glue was everywhere. She's far from daft andMore I just lost my patience and said "you are a clever girl but sometimes you are an idiot"! I regretted it straight away but left for 2 minutes then went back and told her I was really sorry and that I shouldn't have said that at all and that she isn't an idiot. I did sorry several times and kissed her and in the end she was laughing. I still feel absolutely dreadful so I'll say sorry to her again tomorrow morning and tell her again that it was an awful mistake and that I should never have said it. But I still feel terrible and like I want to cry. Did I do the right thing afterwards. I just need some reassurance and to be told what else I can do to make it up to her and rectify the damage. Thank you
  • Janice
    My 22 year old.Still hurt about my past .How I treated him and I drank how do I fix
    • Rebecca Wolfenden, Parent Coach
      I hear you. Many parents of young adults look back on their choices and actions when their children were younger, and regret the decisions that they made. You’re not alone in feeling this way about your relationship with your son. While you cannot change the past, youMore do have control over your interactions with him in the future. It’s never too late to start parenting more effectively. Sometimes, it can be helpful to have in-person support, such as a counselor or therapist, who can help you to process what has happened in the past, and make a plan for the future. For more information about available support in your area, try contacting the 211 Helpline at 1-800-273-6222. 211 is an information and referral service which connects people with resources in their community. I hope that you will write back and let us know how things are going for you and your son. Take care.
  • Birdface
    My mom has called me offensive names which I wish on nobody
  • sop

    Maybe i should let my mom read this cause today she said she wouldn't care if i was dying 

    oh my dad also told me that maybe i would get a boyfriend if i started going to the gym more

  • emacruz2017
    True points. Unknowingly the impact of such words we use them for our children. They are easy to say but this sentence hurts too much.
  • RebeccaW_ParentalSupport
    ImSoConfused We appreciate you writing in to Empowering Parents and sharing your story. I am sorry to hear about the argument you had with your dad, and I can tell how much it upset you.  Because we are a website aimed at helping people become more effective parents, we areMore limited in the advice and suggestions we can give to those outside of a direct parenting role.  Another resource which might be more useful to you is the Boys Town National Hotline, which you can reach by calling 1-800-448-3000, 24/7. They have trained counselors who talk with kids, teens and young adults everyday about issues they are facing, and they can help you to look at your options and come up with a plan.  They also have options to communicate via text, email, and live chat which you can find on their website, http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/ We wish you the best going forward. Take care.
  • LoBoZo

    Hi, I am a child with Adhd and I have a toxic relationship with my mother. This morning as soon as I got up(yes it took awhile) my mother started reprimanding me for everything she could think of. This includes saying that "at least I can do my job". This is literally what I got about 3 minutes after waking up. I was taken aback at how rude she was and when I tried to get ready for school she kept moving into the most inconvenient of place which cause me to have to say 'excuse me' and try to gently push past her more than a dozen times. By the time I got on the bus I was almost in tears. WHat am I supposed to do in this situation?

    I did what i was told to and got yelled at for ignoring her! 

    ( my main anger is her ignorance as to my anger mainly towards her judgement in boyfriends, as he is literally 6 years older than me)

    • RebeccaW_ParentalSupport

      LoBoZo 

      We appreciate you writing in to Empowering Parents and

      sharing your story. I am sorry to hear about the issues you are having with

      your mother.Because we are a website

      aimed at helping people become more effective parents, we are limited in the

      advice and suggestions we can give to those outside of a direct parenting

      role.Another resource which might be

      more useful to you is the Boys Town National Hotline, which you can reach by calling

      1-800-448-3000, 24/7. They have trained counselors who talk with kids, teens

      and young adults everyday about issues they are facing, and they can help you

      to look at your options and come up with a plan.They also have options to communicate via text,

      email, and live chat which you can find on their website, http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/ We wish you

      the best going forward. Take care.

  • angelababy
    A lot of promises from my parents have been broken since I was in Junior school and it cause lot of troublesome to me in school. I was being left out at school by other student and I never get a better friend. In such case I never blameMore them but I told my parents about it, their respond, ''Smal matters, forget about it.''. They never know how I feel and understand what happen to me in school. Now I am an adult with 1 child. I thought things might change since we are in a mature level, and they know what should be done and what should not. But no, they break their promises too and not only that, my impression to them is like a theif. They hide all their belongings which happen to be small thing like, foods, car keys, and their watches or whatsoever. I have been living with them for the past 12 years and I never steal anything from them. When ask about it, they just said, '' Yes, I'm afraid of you using my things. '' or '' Is unsafe with you''. The funny part is, this house is managed by me and I take care of thia house belongings and supply all the groceries and stuff for 10 years.And they thought I will steal from them. 12 years, I am feeling I am living with a pair of tenants or most likely I am the tenants they are the owners.
  • Kimmyando36
    I wrote on a CD to myself but it was out of anger for carers " not my kid" now he never wants to see me nor speak to me again Pls help me get my son back
    • RebeccaW_ParentalSupport

      Kimmyando36 

      I’m so sorry to hear about your situation with your

      son.  It can be really difficult when things are taken out of context, and

      lead to misunderstandings.  At this point, it’s going to be most effective

      to focus on where you have control, which is over your own responses and

      actions.  While you cannot make your son talk to you, you can do what you

      can to keep communication between you.  For example, you might call, text,

      email or otherwise reach out to your son, and apologize for any

      misunderstanding for what he read.  I recognize how challenging this must

      be for you, and I wish you all the best moving forward.  Take care.

  • RebeccaW_ParentalSupport

    @Guest 

    We appreciate you writing in to Empowering Parents and

    sharing your story. I am sorry to hear about the way that your family members

    are treating you.  Because we are a website aimed at helping people become

    more effective parents, we are limited in the advice and suggestions we can

    give to those outside of a direct parenting role.  Another resource which

    might be more useful to you is the Boys Town National Hotline, which you can

    reach by calling 1-800-448-3000, 24/7. They have trained counselors who talk

    with kids, teens and young adults everyday about issues they are facing, and

    they can help you to look at your options and come up with a plan.  They

    also have options to communicate via text, email, and live chat which you can

    find on their website, http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/

    We wish you the best going forward. Take care.

  • Lim

    I've been told most of the things on this list and they seem didn't regret telling me that all the time. Instead they ask me to do something about it myself.

    (1) When I was upset about something that looks ridiculous to them, instead of trying to understand my way of thinking, they're just gonna push me into thinking their ways and adding "why can't you see it our ways?" without even trying to really LISTEN to me.

    (2) My mom used to tell that my dad was not good enough and when she's mad at me sometimes she said that I'm just like my father and that really upset me and make me hated my father even though my father was not at fault. I don't like being compared to (who doesn't) because it means my mom didn't want to see me as who I am but wishing me to be more like someone else. That is an indirect way of saying she doesn't love me as who I am, that (maybe) she will love me more if I was more like A, B, C. She even said that my little sister was better than me, that if I want to be treated as equal, I need to CHANGE to be more like my sister, otherwise she's not gonna change her behavior towards me. It's always the judgement and I was always the one at fault, I am the one who needs to be 'repaired', that I am the bad one.

    (3) "Why can't you do things right?" is what my mom always told me when I do something that's not enough for her. He expect me to do it her ways but when I can't fulfill her expectation it's like I'm a disappointment for her. It's really a downer when you've did your BEST to do sth and then being told it's not enough good.

    I just ...

  • White power
    I have literally been told every single thing on this list by my parents and my brother
  • jjjfitz
    My 7 year old son just doesn't care about anything. How can I can that. I have tried stickers and rewards.
    • RebeccaW_ParentalSupport

      jjjfitz 

      I speak with many

      parents who feel similar frustration with a child’s lack of motivation; you are

      not alone!  As James Lehman mentions in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/motivating-underachievers-part-i-when-your-child-says-i-dont-care/, it is

      impossible to completely lack motivation.  Instead, your son may be

      motivated to resist you, as “I don’t care” gives him a lot of power. 

      While you cannot make your son care, or feel a certain way about his tasks, you

      can https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/teflon-kids-why-children-avoid-responsibility-and-how-to-hold-them-accountable/ for completing them.  Please let us know if you have

      additional questions!

  • DeniseR_ParentalSupport

    MMEM

    This sounds like a tough situation. I’m sorry you and your

    sister have had to move in with other family members. We are limited in the

    advice we are able to offer you in this situation. There is a website that may

    be able to offer you some help and support though. Your Life Your Voice is

    website aimed at helping kids, teens, and young adults find answers to some of the more challenging issues they may

    be facing. They offer many different types of support, such as an online forum,

    call in and text support, as well as e-mail help. You can find them online at http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org. I hope

    you find the site helpful. Good luck to you and your sister moving forward.

    Take care.

  • MMEM
    I still love my mother even if she's tired of us. We still love her even if she always say something i didn't want to hear to her mouth. I love my mom.
  • pattie cake
    I have always thought this was funny and would hope most kids would ..........and have often wished they would have kids that would act like them and told them that.......I was always teased as a kid and stuff like that never bothered me
  • MJ
    My mother always told me "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out of it if you keep it up." Can't this be construed as a threat or endangerment?
    • RebeccaW_ParentalSupport

      @MJ 

      One of the basic tenets in the study of interpersonal

      communication is that the message that is sent is not always the message that

      is received.  While most people making this type of statement do not

      intend to follow through on it, that doesn’t always mean that it is taken that

      way.  For more information to help you answer your question, you might

      consider contacting your local law enforcement agency on their non-emergency

      line and asking them.  You could also call the http://www.childhelp.org/ at

      1-800-4-A-CHILD (422-4453) for more information.  I appreciate your

      question, and I hope you find the answer you seek through one of these other

      resources.  Take care.

  • pattie cake
    We have a child that lives in this area and we have just spent 24 hundred repairing our dirt road  ...now this kid has been in trouble ..............he continually is riding his 4 wheeler on the road....We have tried to treat him as adult hoping that would make him feelMore that he was important enough too make him a little more responsible..........He continually leaves his Dog run lose after being warned against it .......and he has called the law on my husband and said he was kicking at his door for 35 minutes......We were asked to approach  him on him tearing the road up..........My husband thinking that his parent s were home  went down there at 6:30  knocked on the door at which time they turned the television up ...Then told the cops he was pounding on the door for 35 minutes....my husband was home by 6:40......at which time I told  him that was fast......and then the cops come to our house and stands up for the kid after being called out on numerous times....other people in the neighbor hood have almost insisted on me calling the cops on him ...which I have not done ....but I can see where this might be the only choice....If it were my kid I would sell the 4 wheeler or lock it up ........My daughter was 17 years old and we were going to the mountains .....she did not want to go ......so I decided give her a little bit of freedom but I had a phone put into our camper  and my neighbors to call and let me know if they decided to have a party and they did ....I called her immediately and told her she better get those kids out of there and if she didn't I would call the cops myself and stayed in touch with my neighbors until everybody left......What has happened to this world .......Is everybody so scared of hurting the child's psyche  that can't teach them responcibility
  • rAchel1980
    Hey...I am a single mom of 3..my kids are spoiled as ever my son talks back 2me all the time..I always say things I don't mean and feel guilty and them tell my son um sorry ..it's a cycle guezz what I'm trying to say is no ones perfect
  • taylor
    FBA You should ask him to sit down with you and talk about why he doesn't do his homework. Ask him if he needs someone to talk to. He might have trouble comprehending some of his schoolwork, and thus is overwhelmed to the point that he doesn't even want toMore deal with it.
  • taylor
    My mom said every one of these six things to me, and still does. I wish I could cut ties with her.
  • RebeccaW_ParentalSupport

    Purgatory85 

    Thank you for writing in; you ask some

    great questions!  Many parents struggle with how to most effectively

    address a child’s acting-out, abusive behavior, so you are not alone

    there.  We speak with a lot of parents who feel powerless when a child

    walks away from an argument.  From our perspective, this can actually be a

    good thing!  We recommend that both parents and kids take a break when a

    power struggle is happening, in order to prevent any further escalation. 

    This doesn’t mean that the original issue is ignored, however.  Once

    things are relatively calm again, we recommend having a http://www.empoweringparents.com/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior.php with your child about how she can more appropriately handle a

    similar situation in the future.  We also recommend setting clear limits

    around http://www.empoweringparents.com/when-Kids-Get-Violent.php, and developing effective ways to address this type of behavior so

    that you are neither retaliating nor tolerating it.  From our perspective,

    we find that using physical forms of discipline (such as spanking) is

    ineffective because it doesn’t teach your child more effective means of solving

    a problem, as well as modeling the message that aggression is OK.  We

    realize that this is a tough time to raise kids, and we appreciate you using us

    as resource to become a more effective parent.  Please let us know if you

    have any additional questions; take care.

  • DeniseR_ParentalSupport

    iffath khanam DeniseR_ParentalSupport
    I can only imagine how upsetting it must be to hear your mom
    make such statements. It can be difficult to know how to respond to such
    negative self talk, especially from someone you love. While we are unable to
    offer much guidance or support in this situation, there is aMore website you may
    find helpful. http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/SitePages/Home.as... is a website aimed at helping teens
    and young adults deal with challenges they may be facing in various areas of
    their lives. They offer many types of support, from an online forum, a call in
    service, as well as support via text, online chat or e-mail. They also have a
    series of tips and suggestions for steps you can take when confronted with
    troubling circumstances. One tip in particular you may find helpful is http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/sitepages/tips/ti.... I encourage you to check
    out the site and see what else they have to offer. Good luck to you and your
    family moving forward. Take care.

  • westernlady27
    I was constantly being told those things when I was small by my Mother's psycho husband.  And later was told that by my siblings.  I know how painful that can be.  I no longer talk to any of my ex-siblings.  The psycho husband died.  My Mother I still talk to. More But I have twins and I will Never say those thing to those two.  I love the advice and I read your column constantly.  Good job!
  • DeniseR_ParentalSupport

    RachelMarie1997

    I am sorry your father said something so upsetting to you. I

    imagine it must have hurt your feelings to hear that.  Because we are a

    website aimed at helping people develop more effective parenting strategies, we

    are limited in the help or coaching we could offer you in this situation. It

    may be helpful to look into local resources, such as a support groups,

    counselors, and other support services. The 211 Helpline can give you

    information on resources available in your area. You can reach the Helpline 24

    hours a day by calling 1-800-273-6222 or visiting them online at http://www.211.org/. We appreciate you reaching out to Empowering

    Parents and  wish you the best of luck moving forward. Take care.

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