Why is it so difficult to control our anger with our kids? There are many reasons, but I think it’s mainly because we allow ourselves to get angry and lose control. When we react emotionally to our kids and lose control, we’re allowing our kids to determine how we behave rather than the other way around.

Too often, parents react to their kids without thinking. Parents believe they need to get their kids under control immediately, rather than taking a moment to think, “Wait, let me first get myself under control before I respond to my child.”

The best way to prevent yourself from losing control is to understand what sets you off and to recognize when you begin to lose control. This is a critical skill for parents to have. Fortunately, it’s a skill that parents can learn.

When you try to manage your child’s behavior instead of your anxiety, what you’re saying is, ‘I’m out of control. I need you to change so that I can feel better.

Here’s a secret: when you get yourself under control, your kids will also usually calm down. Remember, calm is contagious—and so is anxiety. It’s been proven that a parent’s anxiety about their child contributes significantly to the anxiety of their child.

Think of it this way: if you can’t get calm and in control then you’re creating the exact atmosphere you’re trying to avoid.

Here’s an example. Let’s say you’re teaching your child how to ride a bike. Your child is not getting it and is being whiny and cranky and talks back to you. Your emotions are a combination of frustrated, annoyed, angry, and disappointed. You somehow feel responsible to teach him how to ride this bike, and he just won’t cooperate.

Then you yell at your child, and your child continues to struggle. Then it gets worse because he’s so anxious that he can’t concentrate. He’s feeling pushed to do something and he reacts to it by failing.

When this happens, instead of snapping and reacting, just ask yourself, “How do I stay calm so that I can be helpful for my child to get to where he needs to be?”

Remind yourself that you’re not responsible to get him to ride the bike, you’re responsible to stay calm and provide guidance. From there, you can think about the most effective way to help him learn.

In the end, if we lose control and get angry then we create the failure that we’re trying to avoid.

Indeed, when we lose control and get angry in front of our kids, what we’re communicating is “There are no grown-ups at home.” We’re saying that we can’t manage our anxiety. And when you try to manage your child’s behavior instead of your anxiety, what you’re saying is, “I’m out of control. I need you to change so that I can feel better.”

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No one wants to lose control and get angry—we don’t do it on purpose. But it just seems to happen. Fortunately, there are things you can do to train yourself to stay calm. Below are several techniques to control your anger and stay calm when dealing with your child.

Make a Commitment To Stay in Control

Commit yourself to try to stay in control from now on. Notice what sets you off—is it your child ignoring you? Or does backtalk drive you up the wall?

It’s not always easy to stay in control and no one can control their temper 100 percent of the time. Nevertheless, commit to be calm and work toward that goal.

Usually, the first thing is to just commit yourself to not saying anything, to not reacting at all when the feeling of anger towards your child arises.

Give yourself a moment to do whatever it is you need to do to get calmer. I walk out of the room. Sometimes I go into the bedroom or bathroom, but I leave the situation temporarily. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with disconnecting. You don’t have to react to your child.

Expect Your Child To Push Your Buttons

We get upset when our kids don’t do what we want them to do. They don’t listen or they don’t comply.

I think the best solution is to expect and accept that your child is going to push your buttons and to not take it personally. In a sense, your child is doing her job—she’s testing her limits.

Likewise, it’s your job to remain calm and make sure that your child knows where the limits are and, when she exceeds those limits, that she is held accountable.

Know What You Are and Are NOT Responsible For as a Parent

Some parents are confused about what they are and are not responsible for. And when they take responsibility for things that belong to their child, they inevitably get frustrated.

Stay aware of what belongs to you and what belongs to your child. In other words, what belongs in your box and what belongs in your child’s box.

A box has boundaries, and it has personal space within those boundaries. In your box are your thoughts, feelings, and responsibilities. In your child’s box are his thoughts, feelings, and responsibilities.

Once you know whose box is whose then parents should stay in their own box and stay out of their child’s box. This doesn’t mean you don’t parent, it just means you influence your child but you don’t control him.

Your child has responsibilities that he needs to meet in life. Those are in his box. Those belong to your child, not you.

If you always think you’re responsible for how things turn out, then you’re going to be in your child’s way and that’s going to create more stress and anxiety.

A parent who successfully stays out of her child’s box would say the following to her child:

“I’m responsible for helping you figure out how to solve the problem. But I’m not responsible for solving the problem for you.”

If you feel like you’re responsible for solving your child’s problems, then he’s not going to feel like he has to solve them himself. You’re going to become more and more agitated and try harder and harder. And the more you try, the less your child tries. It’s counterproductive.

Parents do have responsibilities. Parents should coach their child when necessary. And parents should set the rules of the family and hold their kids accountable for those rules by giving them effective consequences. The rest is up to the child.

Related content: How to Give Kids Consequences That Work

Don’t Worry About the Future

Sometimes, we fast forward to the future and wonder if this is how our kids will be the rest of their lives. We wonder how they will make it in the real world if they won’t even do their homework.

The more we think about their future, the more our anxiety goes up. In our heads, we start worrying that we’re not doing a good job as parents. We worry that we don’t know what to do to get them under our control.

Psychologists have a term called thinking errors. Thinking errors are the thoughts we have in our head that don’t match reality and are usually negative and self-defeating. One of those thinking errors is our natural tendency to assume the worst possible outcome for a given situation. In reality, things rarely turn out as bad as we imagined. It seems our brains just love to scare us.

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Therefore, stay in your box and focus on what you can do in the present. The future is up to your child and you don’t have control over it no matter how hard you try. And if you do try, your anxiety just goes up and things get worse for both of you.

Prepare for Your Anxiety

Notice what triggers your anxiety and try to prepare for it. You might observe that every day at five o’clock, your family’s nerves are on edge. Everyone is home from work or school, they’re hungry, and they’re decompressing.

Ask yourself: “How am I going to handle this when I know my teen is going to come screaming at me? What do I do when she asks to use the car when she knows I’m going to say no?”

Prepare yourself now for the conflict that you know is coming.

Say to yourself: “This time, I’m not getting into an argument with her. Nobody can make me do that. I’m not giving her permission to push my buttons.”

Your stance should be, “No matter how hard you try to drag me into an argument, it’s not going to happen.”

Let yourself be guided by the way you want to see yourself as a parent instead of by your emotional feelings.

Use Positive Self-Talk

Talk to yourself. Yes, talk to yourself.

In your head, you can say something like, “I’m not going to react to my child’s behavior. I’m going to step back. I’m going to take a deep breath.”

Self-talk may seem hokey, but it’s a powerful tool. Behavior psychologists have known about the power of positive self-talk for decades. You can control the voice in your head so that it produces calm instead of anxiety.

Ask yourself “What’s helped me in the past?” Start thinking about what’s helped you to manage your anxiety in the past. What’s helped to soothe you through something that makes you uncomfortable?

Say something to yourself every time you feel your emotions rising. It can be anything from “Stop” or “Breathe” or “Slow down” to “Does it really matter?” or “Is this that important?” Experiment and use the words that help you stay in control.

I keep a mental picture handy to calm myself down. I think of a beautiful place that I love that always relaxes me. Try to come up with that mental picture for yourself. Visualizing that place ahead of time will increase your ability to go there more automatically when you feel yourself becoming angry with your child.

Take a Deep Breath

Take a deep breath when you feel yourself escalating—and take a moment to think things through. There is a big difference between responding and reacting.

When you respond, you’re taking some time to think about what you want to say.

In contrast, when you react, you’re just on autopilot. It’s all knee-jerk.

As much as possible, you want to respond thoughtfully to what your child is saying or doing. Make sure that you take that deep breath before you respond to your child because that extra moment will give you a chance to think about what you want to say.

Sometimes, to keep a pot from boiling over, you just have to take the lid off for a few seconds to let it breathe.

Visualize a Positive Relationship with Your Child

Picture your ideal relationship with your child five or ten years from now. Ask yourself, “Is how I’m responding to my child now going to help me have the relationship that I want? Is my response going to help me reach my goal?”

This doesn’t mean that you give in to your child’s demands or tolerate your child’s inappropriate behavior. Instead, it means that you treat your child with respect—the way you want her to treat you. It means that you talk to your child the way you would want your child to talk to you.

Always keep the picture of the ideal relationship in your head. Make that picture the goal. Ask yourself, “Will my angry response be worth it?” If your goal is to have a solid relationship with your child, will your reaction get you closer to that goal?


When your child is aggravating you, your thinking process at that moment is very important. The goal is to be as objective as we can about our behavior and our child’s behavior.

Ask, “What’s my kid doing right now? What’s he trying to do? Is he reacting to tension in the house?”

You don’t have to get her to listen, but you do have to understand what’s going on—and figure out how you’re going to respond to what’s going on. Then you can stay on track and not give in to angry impulses that are counter-productive.

The thinking process itself helps us to calm down. As parents, what we’re working toward is “What’s within my power to do to get myself calm?”

The less we can react, the better. And the more we think things through, the more positive the outcome will be. That’s the crux of what we’re talking about here: responding thoughtfully rather than simply reacting.

Someone once said, “Response comes from the word responsibility.” In that sense, managing our anger is taking responsibility for how we want to act rather than having a knee-jerk reaction when our buttons are pushed.

And if we can get our thinking out in front of our emotions, we’re going to do better as parents. That’s the goal.

Related Content:
Out of Control Child: Stopping the Family Anxiety Cycle

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Notes and References


For more than 25 years, Debbie has offered compassionate and effective therapy and coaching, helping individuals, couples and parents to heal themselves and their relationships. Debbie is the creator of the Calm Parent AM & PM™ program and is also the author of numerous books for young people on interpersonal relations.

Comments (42)
  • FarahKR
    My 16 years son shouts at me when I find him chatting over phone without studying. If I cry, he says "why the he'll are you crying"! My 18 years old son rolls his eye at me, shows body language, shouts at me. He even lies. The 16 year doesn'tMore lie as he hardly cares about me. I cannot deal with these anymore 😪
  • Emma
    I have just lost it at my two girls (age 7 & 3). I screamed in their face, shouted, shook them until one fell over and walked away and left them in public. All their 'issues' (crying, grizzling, moaning, whinging, talking back, fighting etc) stem from my behaviour as aMore parent. I just don't know where to go anymore. I have calmed down somewhat with the help of a naturopath, seen a therapist briefly, however I still have these epic, foul meltdowns now and then. I can read about what to do at the time, but never seem to actually recall this until AFTER the damage is done. I am just so, so angry at the time, I just say "#*@# it, who cares." until it's too late. So how do I start with healing/changing ME? Thanks (now I guess I should go apologise, as my girls were so, so frightened of me!)
  • Evelyn H
    I’m a single mom of two boys . Last night was overwhelming with my young boy and I didn’t handle it well. With guilty I started to look for help . Thank you for this article it opened my eyes on how to deal with a stressful situation and willMore continue to read and improve my parenting skills .
  • Big mama
    Thank you so much for this Denise for this article, it was really helpful. It got me to understand in detail what was the meaning to it. Bless you
  • ASD Mommy P

    My son is so smart, but the past two years after he lost his father in 6/2019 and his grandmother in 5/2020 our loving relationship has become strained.

    He has physically hurt others including my older sister. although he hasn't hurt me he has raised his hand to. I know I was a screaming mom and I've now stopped that once I figured out it was really careless. He is not interested in studying at home, but does well in school so I put him in tutoring program and he recently attacked a poor girl at the program and they are threating to ban him if this occurs again. I fully understand why and I am trying to help my baby with these anger issues and just to his process emotions.

    Any advice? ,ASD Mommy P

    • Denise Rowden, Parent CoachEP Coach
      Hi, Prissilla. I can understand your distress. It can be difficult to know how to help your child when behaviors happen at school. We have several articles That focus on this specific situation here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/child-behavior-problems/school-homework/. We appreciate you reaching out and wish you all the best moving forward. BeMore sure to check back and let us know how things are going.
  • Saskia
    Thank you so much for this article! I have a strong willed 3 year old, and I usually do alright but sometimes it's exactly as you describe, I lose sight of where my responsibilities end and hers begin! I guess that's also because it keeps changing over time... But knowingMore that is so liberating! I feel judged if my daughter can't do something well, by her teachers or other parents, but in fact it's my daughter's own responsibility. I can only help her by giving her opportunities and a safe and caring environment to learn. 😄 Easier said than done, but things will get better!
  • mari
    My almost-18 year old daughter has ODD and it seems to be her absolute intent to provoke me until I am raging. If I talk calmly she over-talks me or mocks me and blocks me if I try to leave. If I am silent she gets even angrier.More Its hard to keep your cool with constant (and sometimes physical) provocation. any thoughts would be welcome.
    • Denise Rowden, Parent CoachEP Coach
      HI, Mari. I can understand your frustration. We have several articles on how to stay calm when your chiild is pushing your buttons. You can find those here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/parenting-strategies-techniques/calm-parenting/. Thanks for reaching out!
  • Lara
    I so needed this today. During homework time, my 6 year old Son was cranky and complaining, when he would do his homework with me he sometimes would purposely do it wrong when he knew the right way, he was pushing my buttons and i had a knee jerk reactionMore and i hate that it happened..after homework we went to play mario and I told him " I want you to know that i lost my cool and I am so sorry and i love you so much, next time i will figure out a way to calm down or walk away and we will talk it through" and he said thank you. I just want to be the best example for him and i know i'm not perfect so i will always strive to improve myself and my relationship with him. The guilt is real so i appreciated the part about not beating yourself up.
  • Michelle
    I definitely needed to read this today! I have a 14 year old who just started high school and its been a rough start. I do lose my cool with him because he talks back, doesn't seem to care about school and I get so worried about his future.More I've actually been arguing with my husband about how I'm getting so upset with our son. He feels I'm too controlling and I feel hes too easy with our son. It's hard to not get upset when your teenager tries to control the situation and your trying to control as well. I do need to step back and learn to control my anger. Thank you for this article, I needed this to read.
  • Fabulous article...
    Hi Debbie, this is one of the most comprehensive reads I’ve had the pleasure of in a long time. I’ve been on a journey for eight years with my Son, and I’ve shifted so much of my own “stuff” to get us to the happiest place we’ve been currently. ConsciouslyMore observing ourselves as parents is paramount to success. In fact it turns out I really don’t have the child I thought I did. Once I was able to stop reflecting myself onto my child he started to change beyond recognition, and his anxiety is lifting. It’s all in us, pretty much, thank you 🙏
  • Alienated dad
    Do these same things apply when the "kid" is 21, doesn't live with you, won't speak to you, won't visit you, and won't call you?
  • busy mom
    i see some what comments of this article did not provide practical solution. it's hard for teenagers especially always seem hormonal. and most parents w/ teenagers are probably about menopausal age or face with midlife crisis within. it's a double edge sword.. it's tough. i hadMore it tougher, we have a 17 yrs old ADHD w/ ODD , my step-son. you can almost see dark clouds loom over our house when he's around. there's no relief. except save ourselves detach from this darkness. I personally avoid him 80% of my time. my poor husband is the one drown with a lot of his problems in school, in personal life.. we are about to try out on the young adult living contract in our house, will let you all know if it works out, and hope somehow it will for all of our sake and sanity...
  • Mimi
    My 17th yr old boy not listening to me. When asked to study he will said wait wait wait. 3rd time when i asked him to go study and he refuse again i gets angry n yell at him. I have tried to talk nicely wt him but yet theMore same. It makes me angry. Can u help me ou
    • drowden
      Hi, Mimi. You bring up a common situation for parents - how to motivate your child to do his homework without having to resort to yelling. One thing we find to be effective is putting a privilege on hold until the homework is done. You could link something like cellMore phone, computer, or video games to homework completion. If he doesn't do the homework, he doesn't earn the privilege. You can find more ways of motivating your son to do his homework in the 2 part article series Homework Hell? Part 1: How to Turn it Around & Homework Hell? Part 2: Real Techniques that Work.I hope you find this information helpful. Take care.
    • drowden
      Thank you for writing in to Empowering Parents. I can hear your frustration. It can be tough when you have to ask your child over and over again to do something he should be able to do without any prompting from you. Unfortunately, kids will often put things they don’tMore like doing off to the last moment. They would rather spend their time doing things they enjoy. One thing that may be helpful is limiting his access to certain privileges until his homework is complete. That way, you won’t have to get into a power struggle everyday trying to convince him to do his homework. If he does his homework, then he earns access to the privilege. If he doesn’t, then the consequence is not having the privilege. For more information on ways you can motivate your son to do homework, you can check out the article 10 Ways to Motivate Your Child to do Better in School. Let us know how it goes. Take care.
  • ruth
    I don't no why I get irtited easily, my 3 year old toddler does things to irritate me all day, shez always seeking for attention and Cry's profusely if she doesn't get the attention needed at that time. Shez manipulative and wants things done her own way, I dunno howMore ese to keep my pool, I'm currently exhausted and I'm not in good terms with her dad. IM mentally exhausted n frustrated. Any help???
    • Rebecca Wolfenden, Parent Coach
      I hear you. It can be quite challenging when you have a strong-willed 3 year old who constantly demands your attention. While this behavior can be frustrating, it’s also pretty normal based on your daughter’s age and stage of development. Children this age tend to be prettyMore self-centered and lack empathy, and are focused on getting their needs met at the moment they want something. In addition, most kids this age tend to have a low tolerance for frustration, poor impulse control, and few appropriate coping skills to use when they become upset. This doesn’t mean that you cannot change this pattern, though. You might find some helpful information in Attention-Seeking Behavior in Young Children: Do’s and Don’ts for Parents. In addition, I hear how much you’re struggling with your own frustration right now. This provides you with an opportunity to demonstrate how to appropriately manage strong emotions to your daughter. Dr. Joan Simeo Munson outlines some tips on how to do this in Losing Your Temper with Your Child? 8 Steps to Help You Stay in Control. I understand how difficult this stage can be, and I hope you will write back and let us know how things are going for you and your daughter. Take care.
  • Your Mother

    You don’t have kids do you? Because that article only works with kids that do NOT exist in the world we live in. This is not raw enough. It’s just some gobbledygook to make you feel like you really can handle my kids, or give advice at that. They’d drive you up the wall, and you’d be ready to run for the hills in less than one day.

    • JL

      "Rebecca Wolfenden is a loving Momma to her son and a dedicated 1-on-1 Coach. She earned her degree in Social Work from West Virginia University and has been with Empowering Parents since 2011. Rebecca has experience working with children and families in home settings and schools, and has extensive practice working with people of all ages who have survived significant emotional and physical trauma."

  • Your Mother
    Do you have kids lady? Because all of that you typed just does not work with some kids....
  • Sewbizmom
    How do you keep your cool when your child hits or punches you? I have rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia and I'm already in pain anyway so it's very hard not to get angry when hit. My kids are 5 and 3. My 5 year old thinks it's funny to hitMore me when I'm having a flare day and am couch bound. I lash out with yelling "hitting is unacceptable. ALWAYS." It's almost automatic with high pain levels. Very hard to stop. I cannot walk away or she turns it onto her brother.
    • RebeccaW_ParentalSupport
      Sewbizmom I hear you, and you make a great point that staying calm when a child becomes aggressive toward you can be easier said than done, especially given your health challenges.  Something I encourage you to keep in mind is that it’s pretty common for young children to act outMore aggressively because they tend to have poor impulse control, and few appropriate coping skills.  Young children also tend to lack a well-developed sense of empathy toward others.  This doesn’t mean that your daughter hitting you is acceptable, though.  Something you can do is to talk with your daughter during a calm time about other ways she can interact with you instead of hitting, as outlined in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/hitting-biting-and-kicking-how-to-stop-aggressive-behavior-in-young-children/.  Another option might be to plan for and reach out for support on days when you are having a flare day, and cannot get off the couch.  This plan can be anything you wish, from planning for quiet or low-key play on those days, to calling a friend or neighbor to help out, to using more formal supports such as a playgroup or respite care on these days.  For information on available supports in your area, try contacting the http://www.211.org at 1-800-273-6222.  I recognize how difficult this must be for you, and I wish you and your family all the best moving forward.  Take care.
  • LauraFraymanWagensberg
    Thank you very much for this article. You hit the nail on the head! I can't wait to practice. (:
  • noyes_littlebag
    This is very helpful... but, just as many other parents, I don't know where to start. I have 11 year old daughter and 1 year old son. From time to time it gets really hard! Especially with my daughter. She started this school year pretty badly, which wasn't the caseMore before. She was never really into school, but she always had good grades. This year it's a disaster! She doesn't seem to be interested in anything they learn, she doesn't want to study, she doesn't seem to care about her grades... It is very frustrating for me when I find myself in a situation where I can't be there for her because of the little one who wants his own thing. At the moment, I think she needs all the attention she can get, but she can't get that enough. I don't think she has a problem with her brother, because she loves him so much. But he is a distraction. She always finds a way to use him to get what she wants, and that's a study brake.  Apart from that, she would often tell me straight that she doesn't want to do her homeworks, which really drives me mad. I tried all kinds of approaches, and nothing seems to help. Simple talks, agreements, punishments, ignoring, requests, arguments, yelling... nothing works. Lately, I am so frustreted and angry most of the time and I often yell  at her. I just want this to stop!
  • Alexanna
    Thank you for providing such clear and useable advice... I feel like you have articulated my experience exactly. It has really helped me put things back into perspective and I will start working on things today. I have 4 year old twin boys, and one of the things IMore find really difficult is managing their physical behaviour once I've told them or asked them to do something they don't like... It starts with intense negotiation attempts and pleas, then moves onto protest, tears, then very aggressive shouting and sometimes hitting me or each other and then come the attempts to destroy things in the house- causing mess and knocking things over. My attempts to get them to behave in a way that I consider appropriate always start very calmly but my patience wears thin, battle commences and things invariably end the way I have described. And the only way that I seem to be able to put a stop to it is by eventually shouting my head off- this is something I very much dislike and am desperate to move away from! I do wonder if my failings here are creating more and more issues for us all...
  • Anjana chaudhry
    I read your article n found it really helpful. Next time when my child will irritate me I m going to be calm, n then will handle the situation. Thank you.
  • SarahC
    What can you do when you cannot leave the room to regain your composure? I have a 4 year old and two nearly 2 year olds and I am often desperate to get minute of deep breathing to calm down but cannot practically or safely leave them. The youngest twoMore particularly hang off my legs and follow me around constantly, pulling and crying at me when I am not sitting with them on the sofa or floor. We spend hours a day reading together and with me involved in their play and they are not clingy with other people (their dad, my parents) but as soon as I am on the scene it is endless grizzling and physical pulling and clambering over me if I try to sit down. I cannot eat unless I stand up at the bench. When my partner is home I hide in the bathroom to get a minute. I lose my temper everyday and my overall feeling is just one of wanting a bit of physical and mental space between "cuddle" sessions. I really identify with the feeling of asking the child to change so you can feel better and it troubles me deeply, and the tips to expect things not to go well and not being responsible for getting your child to listen really resonate with me but what can you do when "this too shall pass" is too empty a phrase to help? The damage being done now won't pass.
    • thatmadmom
      Oh my gosh, this is my EXACT experience only with my two little sons. My 2.5yo and my baby are all over me the second I get home from work and their poor dad needs a break so I feel like I work two jobs. My second job, being aMore mom, is one I don't feel like I'm any good at. I can't leave to get space or they follow me wailing and screaming, particularly my toddler. If I'm there, it's constant demands, fussing, crying. I fantasize about deploying (I'm military) sometimes just to have a break!
    • Darlene EP


      I can hear your frustration and

      worry. I can only imagine how overwhelming and exhausting it must be at times

      to be raising a 4 year old and twin 2 year olds. I think you would be hard

      pressed to find a mother who was not feeling the same sort of things you are,

      given the same situation. I think it is most important at this point to make

      sure you have a good support system. You are dealing with a lot and it is

      completely normal that you would be feeling the way you are. Being able to

      reach out to friends or family, or other parents with the same-age children,

      can be an invaluable resource for you.  Finding some more time away to

      take care of yourself can also be very helpful. The more you are taking care of

      yourself, the more you will be able to manage stressful situations with your

      children. Also, Dr. Joan Simeo Munson shares some ideas in her articlehttps://www.empoweringparents.com/article/4-things-not-to-do-when-your-young-child-has-a-tantrum/, that you might find

      helpful for your situation. I know this stage of development  can be a

      very challenging time for parents. Hang in there, you will get through it.

      Thank you for reaching out and please let us know if we can answer any other


    • Dee
      I'm still learning but I've tried a few things. Imagine a happy memory, be more vocal, "yes, Sam, mommy is very angry right now. It is okay to feel angry..."(in a calm voice) just yesterday, I had my 3 yo hold my hand and said, "you and mommy both needMore to take a deep breath, ready? (Breathe) "okay, "when I am calm" (line from Kate and mim-mim when he loses his tail--he's a bunny" I've also made games out of it as a form of redirection. "Oh my goodness! That's so silly that you want to yell, I'd rather make funny faces like this: (make funny face) see? Isn't that silly?!". Still learning, but when spouse goes away, had to stay sane somehow and the constant yelling just made me feel ugly and rotten and not the mommy I can be.
  • Pooja
    it was such a good and refreshing read..i have bookmarked the page and will go through it whenever I feel I m losing my cool on my four-year-old...Thanks for being insightful
  • Jamie
    Wow, this was great, I'm a single mom of two boys and I'm really agitated for some reason, I honestly feel like I'm making my boys really agitated because of my actions, I try staying calm ,but when I get home after working, I'm exhaustedMore and I know I have to give them my time but all I want is quiet and time to gather my thoughts. I'll be reading up more on you and your articles. Thank you again
  • Susan05
    I don't know where to start. I know that I need help to stay calm, with consequences and a whole lot more. Should I invest in the Total transformation first or try to learn to stay calm? I have read many of your articles and they all make so muchMore sense but I feel overwhelmed!
    • DeniseR_ParentalSupport


      You bring up an interesting question, whether it’s more

      important to stay calm or develop more effective parenting strategies with the

      Total Transformation program. Both of these approaches can be instrumental in

      helping a parent manage and address acting out behavior, so, it’s really not a

      matter of one being more valuable than the other. One thing that may help is

      picking one behavior to focus on at a time. Trying to manage too many things at

      once is an almost surefire way to feel overwhelmed. Carole Banks explains how

      to do this in her article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-childs-behavior-is-so-bad-where-do-i-begin-how-to-coach-your-child-forward/.

      As a side note, the Total Transformation program currently offers a 60 day

      money back guarantee that allows you the opportunity to try the program in your

      home. You can find out more information about that offer here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/product/total-transformation-program/. We appreciate you writing in and wish you the best

      of luck moving forward. Take care.

  • Biyunca1
    I really love this article. I think this will defiantly help me out by allowing me to br much calmer when dealing with my 2year old.I love her a lot and I don't want her to think of me as a bad parent, so for her I will change theMore way I handle certain situations.
  • MariHienNguyen
    This article is absolutely wonderful! Thank you!
  • JamesGray2
    I needed to read this today. Reacting to my six year old made me feel embarrassed and fed up. Probably the worst feeling in my life. Identifying what made get to 60 was easy and I certainly emphasised with most of this article. I know it will help me, thankMore you.
  • Jacky
    I like this and am working on my calmness - though I did have trouble when my 9 yr old threw a cupful of water at me when he didn't get his own way.
  • leeat26
    That was a most wonderful article explained beautifully. It is so hard to keep calm when our children are out of control. Thank you
  • Binod Kumar Tripathi

    Wonderful article, just

    happen to me same as you described, and after one hour I am feeling guilty.

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