Does Your Child Say This?
"I'll do it later."

a good approach I think

 

I totally understand cause my oldest does that to me but she has a cell phone she can have taken away.That really gets her when I do that. She stomps off mad as a wet hen,but she gets it done.

 

My son and I are currently in a stalemate but I know that I have the strength to outlast him. He has to make amends to his sister by doing her chores this week and has refused to do them or his own chores. I accidently came into possession of his cell phone and have told him that he will not get it back until he has done all the chores he missed this week. He has been ranting and raving for the past 2 days demanding the phone and threatening to call the police on me for stealing it. I just chuckle to myself ( THANKS to the training I have received thus far from this program) and restate to him that if he wants his phone returned he must do the chores. This morning he did some of the garbage but not all. I will hold out as long as it takes. It feels good not to be upset and arguing with him. I feel so much more in control.Thank you TT.

 

Right on--I feel like one of the most important responsibilities of parenting is teaching kids to be aware of consequences -- helping them be able to cope (even avoid) negative consequences. So, clean your room and then you can talk on the phone. I feel this translates to real life -- if I perform well at work I am rewarded...why not let kids learn this now.

 

My child out right refuses to help with anything around the house. When I tell her to wash the dishes or pick up the house, she says no. I have taken away going to friends house, them coming to our house, house phone, hand held game. Her response to all of this is one I'm ruining her life, second is to go to her room and stay the entire time I'm home. Help!

 

excellent comments. I let my older one back me into a corner but the youngest one will not have that opportunity thanks to these comments

 

Total Transformation has been helpful to me. I also read everything else I can get my hands on, because my daughter is very strong-willed. If I stopped with the consequences in the article, nothing would change, because in her mind, the pain of compliance is worse than the pain of discipline. I have to remove every pleasurable activity I can remember seeing her do before she feels it. My daughter has to lose access to ALL electricity (batteries included) and all aspects of a social life. Then, she sees that she "has no life" and starts to comply and practice some life skills.

 

For the mom of the outright refuses youth - byoung - Can you ask this:"Will you please let me know when the ain't gonna do's are over?" "I will be busy.....and may not notice when it is time to give back your privileges, thanks" Then check the calendar the day you say this. Go about your business as usual and when the 'revolt' is over count the days and simply say "ok I handled your responsibilities for x number of days during your decision to not - so you will get your privileges back after the same number of days and will keep them until you no longer tend to your responsibilities. Then we will continue to repeat this until you understand that these are YOUR responsibilites and with responsibilities comes privileges and vice versa. Then just keep doing this - at first the time will seem long and 'noisy' but track it and you will be able to see the length shorten and the comments subside THAT's when you know the child is understanding the connection between the two are finally meeting up. The first time seems like an endless self punishing nightmare - but after the first success it will become a new way of living - in peace and with responsibilities :) :)

 

My 14 yr old loves that line. Problem with mine is he isn't materialistic so taking things away, ain't cutting it. On top of that taking away his social life only pisses him off & then he is a real pain to live with. Plus he stil will not do the task...ever. After about 2 weeks of this "non-abusive" yet annoying behavior his father ends up caving & letting him go somewhere. I could just kick him when he does that. Anyone got any ideas?

 

I have a 10 year old who is a prime example of the "I'll do it later" mentality. I set a 15 (or whatever is appropriate) minute time limit and start the timer. When the buzzer rings, the task must be completed. Then I tell him when he wants to go swimming or play with a friend, he'll have to wait the same amount of time it took him to complete the chore. He has decided it's easier to just do it than say I'll do it later. I teach so I also use the total transformation strategies in the classroom.

 

I am raising my grandson. He has been diagnosed with , ADHD, OCD, ODD Asbergers,and RAD which goes hand in hand so needless to say he has been very difficult to raise. The rule in our house is no breakfast until your chores are done and they are not done until I check them and say they're done. You have until 7:30am Please give yourself plenty of time and be up by 6:am He has gone without breakfast on several occassions. His chore list is detailed so there is no room for mistakes. If they aren't done or not done properly by 7:30 am the next meal is lunch. He also argues that he is done, asks me everyday whats not done and I tell him to rechcheck the list. He'll argue that he rechecked his list. That is very unlikely if all his chores aren't done so now he loses priviledges for every argument, starting with no electronics, no bike, no friends, no fishing etc. At times he ends up having what we call a nothing day. "nothing to do" The one thing I never take away is reading since it does help calm him down, helps him focus and gives him something to do.

 

I am raising my grandson. He has been diagnosed with , ADHD, OCD, ODD Asbergers,and RAD which goes hand in hand so needless to say he has been very difficult to raise. The rule in our house is no breakfast until your chores are done and they are not done until I check them and say they\'re done. You have until 7:30am Please give yourself plenty of time and be up by 6:am He has gone without breakfast on several occassions. His chore list is detailed so there is no room for mistakes. If they aren\'t done or not done properly by 7:30 am the next meal is lunch. He also argues that he is done, asks me everyday whats not done and I tell him to rechcheck the list. He\'ll argue that he rechecked his list. That is very unlikely if all his chores aren\'t done so now he loses priviledges for every argument, starting with no electronics, no bike, no friends, no fishing etc. At times he ends up having what we call a nothing day. \"nothing to do\" The one thing I never take away is reading since it does help calm him down, helps him focus and gives him something to do.