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Parenting Articles about Aggressive Behavior
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This past weekend, Jerry and I took the boys to a hotel for what was supposed to be a single night; it turned into a four-day weekend. Our air conditioner broke and Jerry, because of health issues, cannot breathe in hot, humid weather. And I should mention that the air conditioner did more than break: it caught on fire. It was a small fire, but did a lot of damage to the unit. Here it is the fifth day and we are still waiting for the HVAC guy to finish the job he started. We ran out of “extra” money for a hotel but thankfully, after the tornadoes came through, the weather has cooled somewhat. But it got me to thinking: maybe Jerry and I should go to one by ourselves some night, and leave the kids at home.
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Our family is going through the Total Transformation Program together, and this week, we learned that it is really important for parents to understand they need to parent the child they have. James Lehman says, “Although they don’t realize it, parents have two choices when confronted with difficult children: to continue to parent as if their child is the child they dreamed of parenting, or to develop the skills necessary to parent the child they actually have.”
My husband and I learned that some children become aggressive if you behave passively. If you do not respond to them, they will ramp up the behavior, not stop it! (No wonder for all that time I tried to ignore the negative and praise the positive, I failed at improving my son Thomas's behavior!)
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My 6 year-old son has developed a rather creative form of aggression. Unable to come up with anything more accurate or artistic, the name that my other (9 year-old) son, my fiancé, and I settled on is the word “chinny”.
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OK, I have to start this blog post by saying that I am not a violent person. I don't even like to watch violent movies. But what do you do when your kid is getting hurt and no adults are stepping in to help? Do you encourage them to fight back, or run away every time? What if they can't run away? And is there ever a good time to fight back?
The reaction I had last week surprised me.
2 Saturdays ago, my husband Joe took our son Alex to soccer practice. He's on the kindergarten soccer team, which basically entails a bunch of five and six-year-olds swarming the soccer ball in a big kid-sized clump and having a little fun.
Except last week. You see, there was a first grader on the opposing team who was knocking kids down left and right, and hitting, pushing and kicking anyone in his way (yes, even the girls). For some reason, this boy's coach wasn't doing anything to stop him. The kid's dad was standing behind my husband saying, in a loud voice, Well, this is a rough sport, you know? That's the way the game is played, and kind of chuckling a little.
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