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Parenting Articles about Lying
Of all child behavior issues, lying is one of the most difficult to address. If you have a child or teen who lies and you don’t know how to handle it, read our articles for hands-on help with this problem.
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When your child lies to you, whether she does it by telling a half–truth or conveniently forgetting some key facts, it’s frustrating and upsetting. You wonder, “How can I trust her if she’s not being honest with me?” And if this behavior turns into a habit, it becomes difficult to know when your child is telling the truth, twisting it a little—or making up a complete fabrication. |
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Why are your child’s “triggers” so important to be aware of when it comes to losing your temper, or your kids acting out? Many parents I talk to on the Parental Support Line are mystified by their child’s behavior. They feel like they’re walking through a minefield at home—where something, anything, could set their child off at any moment. This is an incredibly tough feeling for parents to deal with, and many feel at a loss about how to stop it; as a result, they feel defeated and hopeless. However, it is possible to turn things around. |
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When you catch your child in a lie, it’s natural to feel betrayed, hurt, angry and frustrated. But here’s the truth: lying is normal. It’s wrong, but it's normal. In fact, we all do it to some degree. Consider how adults use lies in their daily lives: When we’re stopped for speeding, we often minimize what we’ve done wrong, if not out–and–out lie about it. Why? We’re hoping to get out of something, even if we know better. |
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“My 17 year old son lies all the time,” a mother said to me recently. “He lies about his schoolwork, what he ate for lunch and whether or not he’s brushed his teeth. He also exaggerates to make his stories more dramatic or to make himself sound bigger. It’s come to the point where I don’t take anything he says at face value. He’s not a bad kid, but I just don’t understand why he lies so often, especially when telling the truth would be easier. What should I do?” |
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Catching your child in a lie is frustrating, painful and worrisome. What else does he lie about? How can I trust him? James Lehman explains the surprising reason why kids tell lies and a better way for parents to deal with it. |
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I have been following the Casey Anthony trial currently going on in Florida. As everyone probably knows by now, Casey Anthony is the young mother charged with the death of her two-year-old daughter, Caylee. In 2008 Caylee was reported missing by Casey's mother. When speaking with the police, Casey revealed that her daughter had been missing for 31 days. She never told any of her family or friends the child was missing. When anyone asked about her daughter, Casey told them about different people she spent time with. Every one of those stories was a lie and none of the people she mentioned even existed, but that didn't stop Casey -- she kept on lying.
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The email came unexpectedly last year, in the middle of a fairly normal afternoon. My husband's ex decided she could no longer manage their 9-year-old's behaviors and asked if we'd let him move in with us. We could not believe what we were reading! Of course we'd take him! We were elated. We were already involved in getting him services, taking him to therapy, etc. We knew that as long as he stayed there and no changes were made, it was always one step forward, two steps back.
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All children lie. There is a lying continuum and I think that some lying is a normal part of childhood. My 13-year-old son lies a tad more than your average child, but I believe he is still within that typical range. Did you brush your teeth? Yes OK, should I check your toothbrush? Well, I was going to brush them. Or, I was up until 2 am last night! Really, when I checked on you at 10 you were asleep. Well, I woke up at like 11 for a bit. So that is what I call normal childhood lying. I am not saying it is OK and he gets busted under interrogation, but it is not extreme.
My 10-year-old stepson is an extreme liar. He gets better at it every day and it is getting harder and harder to bust him each time. He refuses to crack. He came to live with us a year ago because his mother was unable to manage his behaviors. He was stealing things from family members, and lying when confronted. Obviously getting to the bottom of these behaviors has been a priority for us, and material for another blog, another day, but with the help of a therapist we have been working on consequences for him.
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Dear PSL: I have a five year old who tells stories all the time. Last week, he went to school and told the kids his dad was an astronaut. (He’s really a cell phone salesman.) My son also has an 8 foot tall “friend” who follows him around named Woody. We’ve told him that none of this is true and we give him consequences for lying, but he still continues to do it. What should we do? |
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Is Santa Claus real?
This question came this morning in the middle of the get-to-school rush, right over instant oatmeal and right after an unfinished homework assignment was discovered. I did what most parents do. I hedged. And then I lied.
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I guess this comes up because, if you're watching Nancy Grace, or even just the news and have heard about the Casey Anthony story, you have a front-row seat to a family where parents have been listening to a child lie for, well, apparently quite some time.
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Last night my 5 year old son looked me straight in the eye and said, “I didn’t do it.” What he didn’t do was tear up a newspaper and throw the pieces all over the kitchen floor while I was on the phone. “Well, then who did?”
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