Here on the Parental Support Line, just about every call we get involves questions about consequences or rewards. A lot of parents struggle to find effective consequences while overlooking the importance of using rewards, too. Many times we recommend establishing rewards or incentive systems for kids, often in the form of a behavior chart. We think that charts can be effective for kids from age 4–16 but it’s ultimately up to the parent. Their effectiveness depends on the chart and the child in question.

Have you gotten the call from your child's school? Janet Lehman, MSW talks frankly about how she and her husband James dealt with it when their son had trouble at school.

It’s that time again—all around us, TV ads and store posters depict happy children and teens in back–to–school mode. But if the thought of your child starting school fills you with dread, you’re not alone. Right now, thousands of parents across the country are asking themselves, “How am I going to get my child up on time, get him to do his homework and make sure he stays out of trouble this year?” Janet Lehman, MSW tells you how to establish structure in your house before the school year starts—and what to do if you haven’t.

If you’re the parent of a young child who acts out at school, you’ve probably asked yourself, “If my child is out of control now, how will I be able to deal with him when he’s ten—or a teenager?” Once a toddler or kindergartner becomes known as a child who “plays too rough” or “always has to have his way,” parents often find that invitations to playdates and birthday parties begin to dry up. Instead of hoping your child will be well-liked at school, you might be saying to yourself, “If only Ben could find just one friend to play with—and maintain that friendship for longer than a day!”

The word spoiled is a loaded term, one that has many levels of meaning for us as parents. You may envision a nagging in-law telling you your children are spoiled, you may remember a kindly grandparent spoiling you as a young child, or an unruly, spoiled kid you see in the grocery store who throws a fit to get what he wants. In this article, I am defining “spoiled” as any situation in which a child is in control and a parent is not.

As the start of the school year approaches, have you seen your first grader go into meltdown mode at the mention of school, or watched your soon-to-be kindergartner regress back to baby talking and thumb sucking? Rest assured that you’re not alone. Each fall, millions of parents deal with their children’s beginning-of-the-year anxiety.

“I’m not allowed to bring Ben to play group anymore,” said Sarah, whose son is now five years old. “The last time we went, he bit another boy who was playing with a truck Ben wanted. And the time before that, he hit a little girl across the face. I try to tell him ’no’ but he just doesn’t listen, so I end up apologizing for him. I’m starting to feel like the world’s worst parent because I can’t control him when he acts out.”

It’s a familiar scene: You’re standing in line at the grocery store, almost finished checking out. For the fourth time in a row, your child asks for a piece of candy strategically placed at kids’ eye-level in the checkout line. You’ve repeatedly said no, when suddenly, the tantrum starts. His legs and arms flail, and then he lets go with an ear-piercing scream and begins hitting the floor. Meanwhile, between muffled apologies and frantic bagging, you attempt to get as far away from the store as possible.

For the parents of a child with ADHD, simple, everyday tasks turn into battles—from getting the child out the door in the morning to getting him to bed at night. My son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 6, so I remember what it was like to have a daily tug of war with an attention disordered child all too well. Parents look for help everywhere. They may read one book after another and hear a parade of behavioral experts speak who give them parenting tips that don’t seem to work. The more books they read and experts they seek out, the worse their child’s behavior seems to get.

Kids have meltdowns and temper tantrums for two reasons. 1.) Because they have never learned how to manage or have run out of the tools it takes to manage their feelings in a new situation or event. 2.) Because tantrums have worked for them in the past to get what they want pretty quickly. It’s all about learning and developing coping skills from day one with children... here’s why.