We want our children to learn to speak and communicate. We want them to become independent thinkers. We also want them, someday, to stand on their own. Well, believe it or not, these are some of the key factors to explain why some children argue with their parents.
According to the Department of Families, arguments between brothers and sisters are one of the ways that children learn to respect other people's belongings and feelings. Children are just like adults. We like to present our ideas and sometimes argue to express our opinions or points of view. Children, however, are just beginning to learn how to argue without being disrespectful. Below are some pointers to help parents teach their child how to share their thoughts without offending others.
Note: Children who have chronic or ongoing behavioral problems and arguments that lead to anger, violence or other fear inducing tactics may need to be assessed by a trained professional. Usually these behaviors should be diagnosed by a psychiatrist or other medical professionals. You may also obtain assistance from a school psychologist who may provide some insights and resource information.
Related Content: How to Walk Away From a Fight With Your Child
Arguing With Your Child? Five Things You Shouldn’t Do
Denise Rowden is a parent of two adult children and has been a parenting coach since 2010. She has worked in Special Education, Alternative Education and adolescent group homes. She has a BS in Psychology from the University of Southern Maine and is currently working on her Life Coach certification from the International Coach Federation.
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I've found that using these tips really helps. However, I also think it is all in the delivery. That is, if you're screaming at your child, they'll scream back.
I love to watch the Dog Whisperer on National Geographic. what he teaches his clients and demonstrates to/for his clients is that they are to remain calm but be assertive. I no longer yell at my children. I calmly but assertively tell my children what my expectations are which includes the chore (homework, dishes, garbage, etc.) and when I want it done. Along with that I calmly tell them not only the consequences of not completing the chore but the reason why the chore needs to be done. Sometimes its only because it needs to be done. I avoid saying because I want it done or the famous "because I said so".
In my mind, delivering anything to anyone in a calm and assertive manner shows and demands respect. When you have that respect, that is when you stop the arguing and get results.
By the way, both parents need to give and gain that respect or the results will be intermittent.