Does your home sometimes feel like a battle zone?
Whether the argument occurs between you and your child or between siblings, these intense interactions have a way of wearing a parent down like no other behavior. Many parents find themselves pulled into an argument before they're even aware it’s happened. It can be tempting to stay engaged in these discussions, to try and win the argument or to get your child to understand your point of view.
In these moments, it can be helpful to recognize the purpose arguing serves for your child – it gives him power and the perceived notion that he can challenge you. Arguing and fighting levels the playing field and supports the idea that you and your child are peers. Keep in mind - you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to, as James Lehman reminds us in The Total Transformation Program.
You can walk away from an argument and teach your child better ways of solving his problems. Here are a few articles to get you started:
Arguing with Your Child? Five Things You Shouldn't Do
When Your Home is a Battle Zone: How to Resolve Conflicts Peacefully
How to Walk Away from a Fight With Your Child: Why It's Harder Than You Think
“I hate school! I’m not going.” If you’re like most parents, you probably take the responsibility of getting your kids to school very seriously and get angry and frustrated when they refuse to go. This can easily turn into a power struggle if you feel this is a “battle” you have to “win.” It’s all too... Read more »
“You’re not going to the concert and that’s final.” “Sam’s mom lets him go. Why can’t you let me go?” “I don’t care what Sam’s mom does. And anyway, why should that matter? I told you if you didn’t bring your grades up, you couldn’t go.” “That’s not fair! You never let me do what other kids my... Read more »
“Mom, he just called me a bad name.” “I did not, you liar!” “He did too, Mom, and he always does; you just never see it!” “Get lost, you brat; you’re such a baby!” “I hate you!” Siblings bicker; it’s what they do. They tease and taunt and fight. It can drive parents crazy and wear us down—and for good... Read more »
Does it seem like every time you tell your child “No,” it turns into a tug-of-war? One mom shared with us recently, “Absolutely everything’s an argument with my son. Even the simplest request. He just can’t take no for an answer. It’s so frustrating!” Many parents find themselves in a... Read more »
“Have you ever wondered what’s going on inside your teenager’s head?” What was she thinking when she made that choice? Why won’t he listen to what I’m telling him? It can seem as if an adolescent is completely wrapped up in a separate world, feet planted firmly in the air instead of on... Read more »
We all know that kids can act in many disrespectful and rude ways to parents: they can slam doors, roll their eyes, and tell you they hate you, to name a few. It’s natural to get very worried and frustrated and wonder if these types of behaviors constitute out-and-out abuse, or just “rudeness and mild... Read more »
When my son received his GED this year, I put together a small scrapbook for him with photos, quotes, and cards from his friends. I also considered the life skills he’s already mastered and thought about the ones he’s still working on. The big "a-ha moment" for me? Realizing that everything else in life builds... Read more »
“When I was young, my mom and dad sent us out to play in the morning in our neighborhood, and we didn’t come home until dinner time,” a friend said to me recently. “But times have changed. I feel like I have to keep constant tabs on my kids. I wish... Read more »
Watching my child struggle without stepping in to “fix” things for him was one of the hardest things I’ve personally experienced as a mom, even though I knew it was the best thing for him. And the truth is, from the very beginning, being a mother is a balance of taking care... Read more »
Do you ever struggle with temper tantrums at your house? You know what they involve: yelling, screaming, bad-language, and all-out loss of control until you almost can’t take it anymore and you just want to…put yourself in time out? Yes, I’m talking about our own parental "temper tantrums,"... Read more »