James Lehman, creator of The Total Transformation Program, examines the effects of acting out behavior on parents and the family, and reveals how to calm the storm in the home. Q: A child’s behavior problems can cause disturbances in a family beyond the relationship between the parent and the child, can’t they? I’ve had friends whose... Read more »
If you and your spouse take opposing roles in dealing with your kids, you’re not alone. Many parents take on the roles of “good cop” and “bad cop” in the family. For instance, Dad is the kid’s best buddy, and mom is the nag. Or dad is strict and mom is a sympathizer. Which “cop” is... Read more »
One of the unaddressed elements of children's behavior is the pain that families go through, knowing that others are judging them. Because the fact is, they are being judged. When parents have to go to school constantly because of their kid's outbursts, when they get in conflicts with the neighbors because of the kid's behavior,... Read more »
Q: Why do parents tend to dismiss inappropriate behavior as “a phase?” James: When a child is between 18 months and two years old, they’ll start to walk away and say "no" to their parent. The child is practicing a new skill. Parents call it a phase because eventually, the “no” goes away and the child... Read more »
The emotional role of the parent is built on love, affection, and esteem. It's an essential part of being a parent, and it's a beautiful thing to behold. But your role as a parent is not just emotional. And your child is not your friend. Indeed, much of the parenting role is functional. For an... Read more »
You can’t punish your child into better behavior. Forget about over-the-top punishments or ineffective rules because you'll just end up in a power struggle. The right consequences actually motivate your child to good behavior. They put you back in control and teach your child how to problem-solve, giving your child the skills needed to be... Read more »
When Hunter was a baby, Pat never imagined parenting him would mean becoming trapped in an argument that would last 15 years. From the time he was old enough to express himself, it seemed that he was looking for a fight with her. “He’s a very strong-willed person,” says Pat, her polite demeanor belying an obvious... Read more »
Q: When your child lies to you, it hurts. As parents, it makes us angry and we take it personally. We feel like we can never trust our child again. Why does lying cause such anger, pain and worry for parents? James: Parents are understandably very afraid of their children getting hurt and getting into trouble,... Read more »
Q: What do the other children in the family experience when they have a brother or sister who’s hostile or acts out chronically? James: It’s traumatizing when something hurtful happens to you, and you can’t control it, you can’t stop it, you can’t predict how hurtful it’s going to be, and you can’t predict when or whether... Read more »
Vicki is the single mother of Alex (12), Ryan (8), and Jessica (6). To make ends meet, she works two jobs: she works as a receptionist during the week and a part-time caterer on weekends. She has been divorced from Mike, a supervisor for a building contractor, for two years. Her relationship with Mike is... Read more »