Is Your Teen Too Hard on Himself? How to Avoid Adolescent Eruptions

Posted May 2, 2012 by

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Are you dealing with adolescent eruptions?  It often seems they come out of nowhere — one minute, life is moving along smoothly for your child, and the next, it’s in complete chaos.  Welcome to the teenage years!

I have found that to lower the likelihood of these outbursts with my teenagers, working with goal setting and time management skills has been very effective.  Life for a teenager can become very complex very quickly.  Life was a lot easier during grade school—even with sports teams and the classroom friendship skirmishes the flared up from time to time.  Now, during the teenage years, the landscape for peer acceptance can change almost daily, and demands from school, family, friends and outside activities can be overwhelming.  My words of advice to my kids included the following:

Be comfortable with who you are. This started with beginning to consider what goals they might want to pursue.  We talked about ambitions they might have and dreams they might want to follow.  Nothing lofty, just beginning to talk about what interests they had and identifying the talents they had which made them unique.

Yes and No. By beginning to identify their talents, interests and personality traits, they were developing a sense of self.  This allowed them to make choices in life and say “yes” to pursuing certain activities while saying “no” to others.  Consequently, the pressure of such a complex teenage world seemed to diminish somewhat because they could begin to see a path to follow and not feel they had to participate in everything or excel in every activity.  They could focus on those aspects of life that had the greatest consequence for them.  Adolescent eruptions became less frequent when they realized they didn’t have to put themselves under unrealistic pressure.

Real Time. Developing a realistic use of their time also caused the adolescent eruptions to subside.  Helping them construct a daily schedule, with built-in time for sleeping and family meals, was a great start.  Scheduling specific times for studying and limiting the number of extracurricular activities they could pursue also became part of this scheduling strategy.

Teens often find themselves stressed because they are trying to please everyone.  They get upset with themselves when they fall short in this attempt.  The adolescent eruptions that I have witnessed over the years are often my teens expressing anger at themselves for not being able to meet the impossible standards they set for themselves.  As parents, we can help our kids by providing assistance in goal setting and time management skills.  Believe me, they will be appreciated, even if your kids don’t tell you right now.

About

Ann Gatty, Ph.D.is a life coach, inforpreneur, author and organizational strategist. She has taught in classrooms and organizational training sessions and now works as a life coach for professional and personal development. Dr. Gatty has developed curriculum for college courses, organizational training and personal development. From her work and personal experiences, she finds a continuous need among women, of all walks of life, to find a life balance between professional goals and personal responsibilities. Ann Gatty hosts a website, www.stress-management-4-women.com, which offers stress management strategies, life skill development, and a means of finding your true passion in life. She has also authored Discovering God’s Recipe for a Healthy Body, Heart and Soul. Ann Gatty earned a Ph.D. in Instruction and Learning from the University of Pittsburgh, School of Education. She is married, the mother of two young adult boys, and shares her home with her husband, two Great Danes and a Bassett Hound.

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  1. Ann (Edit) Report

    Thanks Elaine for your testimony regarding the strong benefits of the Total Transformational Program. The most helpful message you shared, in my humble opinion, is that as a parent, it is vital to be proactive. If your relationship is in trouble, look for ways to find solutions. You are absolutely correct that a relationship with a child is a two-way street and change is not simply limited to the child. You are so fortunate to have such a wonderful son–enjoy this time together. It passes by very quickly!
    Ann Gatty

    Reply
  2. Elaine Enlightening (Edit) Report

    Ann,

    Thank you for your wonderful article.

    When I became a single mom a few years ago, teenage outbursts were daily. I admit that I did my share of them, too. We were both hurting. That is when I heard about and bought Total Transformation Program. What a powerful impact it had on my relationship with my son. Somehow I knew it was me that needed to change, but this gave me the tools and for this I am grateful.

    Now, that my son is 16, outbursts are rare. (For both of us.:-)) I can see how applying what I learned has changed everything, when I read this article. My son is learning to say “No” and is honing in on his interests. Ice Skating, Theatre, Choir, Piano and now I am pleased to announce that he started taking ballroom dance lessons with me, starting last night. He had so much fun and he knows it will be a great asset to his ice skating.
    I am so grateful to be so close to my son, that he actually has called me his best friend. Wow!! A few years ago, that didn’t seem likely.
    He really appreciates it that I have created a culture of accountability.
    Elaine

    Reply

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