The Complete Guide to Consequences™

1 DVD (63 minutes), 25-page Workbook

4.60 out of 5 based on 172 customer ratings
172 customer reviews
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When parents use consequences effectively, their children can better learn how to be accountable and responsible, how to control their emotions, and how to follow through and succeed. We’ll show you how to get to what works – even if your child is ultra-resistant or has ADD, ADHD or ODD.

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What Are Parents Saying?

  1. 5 out of 5

    Picking your battles and setting limits

    Complete Consequences has helped me to pick my battles wisely, Take a break before screaming and simply stating my limits and walking away. My daughter has really came around in the last month and is such a joy to be around. AND she is now doing her jobs around the house with only one request and very More little sarcasm and manipulation. I found this program at the point I would lose my sanity! It helped me so much! I highly recommend it and the parent hotline is a life saver!!!
  2. 5 out of 5

    Excellent lesson on consequences!

    I loved this DVD. It taught me so much about not whether or not I'm a good parent, but if I'm an effective parent. That mindset is so important in me being able to keep my composure during heated situations. I really understand how important it is to have consequences that are related to the offense. More Instead of having my son get used to "jail" time through groundings, he is productively working on concepts of problem-solving and "righting" wrongs with people. I'm also working on helping him think about those things, what he could do differently next time to stay out of trouble and make different choices. My thinking is more about what I want to accomplish with the consequences, to come up with something more appropriate to achieve a particular goal. He is more productive in his consequences as a result. He also likes it less because I'm making him think about what he did, for a much longer time. My son is a former foster youth, so he has many things to un-learn from his past of unwise decision-making, and to learn the proper things. However I'm confident that we have more effective ways of dealing with his behavior now. As a result, I know we will see results a lot more quickly, especially since our prior method of consequences wasn't working.
  3. 5 out of 5

    I have my teenage daughter back! Thank you!

    From lesson 1 to the end, this course was invaluable in getting my daughter to understand that her behavior was unacceptable and to create change from within. Being able to talk with her without her putting up walls was like magic. Thank you so much.
  4. 3 out of 5


    Worth trying. We have seen some improvement. Will continue the program.
  5. 3 out of 5

    None Given

    There is definitely less yelling in our home. Our son is realizing that he is accountable for his own actions and that blaming others is useless. It is certainly a work in progress, and we are seeing some results.
  6. 4 out of 5

    Concise, helpful, scripted EXAMPLES

    The role plays were very valuable.
  7. 5 out of 5

    Great guide

    Loved it. Made my daughter watch it too. She got it real quick once we watched and realized I was not joking anymore.
  8. 5 out of 5

    None Given

    I really like the program. I believe it is very practical.
  9. 5 out of 5

    It does work

    My seventeen year old grandson does not live with us but is here daily. He lives in a single parent house. I was ready to just tell them he could not come here any more. He was rude and abusive. My husband is disabled and I was afraid my grandson would get angry and hurt him. After starting the program More things are much better. Although not perfect, he has less melt downs, doing better in school and is not as rude. The bad part is that his mom still has not tried even the first step and things between them are still bad. I learned a lot so far and would recommend this program to any one with a strong willed child.
  10. 4 out of 5

    Pleasant Homefront

    I have been able to integrate many of the techniques easily into our daily life as soon I had listened to the CD. My 7 year old was very manipulative and it was easier for me to just "give in" to his way of doing things than to deal with another temper tantrum or screaming fight. I first began by setting More time limits on how many minutes he would go without TV and wouldn't budge on it. Once he realized I was serious, I started to gain a little respect. Then I began to introduce giving 2 options, that were not his options, but mine. I have used other techniques taught by the book, and by introducing one by one, he has learned that I am not tolerating the disrespectfulness and that he is responsible for his actions. Of course, I also am practicing techniques from Total Transformation as well. Our family time is so much more enjoyable.
  11. 4 out of 5

    Consequences - finally a breakthrough!

    This was a real game-changer in our household. This guide with role plays on how to give effective and appropriate consequences was incredibly relevant and useful. It was a real breakthrough in my relationship with my 14 year-old son and a way to manage each other's expecations about what is acceptable More and unacceptable behavio and the consequences of such.
  12. 4 out of 5

    Consiquences Review

    I am a mom who has an adult teenage son with a strong will & very headstrong. I have tried many things. Consiquences with amends is helping. I have to be more calm & less involved in doing & let him be more committed to correcting it himself. I have stopped financially fixing or just yelling. You have More a good program that gives good examples & I am seeing training that is working for me. My son & I are still having struggles but our dialogue has improved. Thank you, Noel S.
  13. 5 out of 5


    this set of consequences with the role playing in video was extremely helpful -it reminded me that i wasn't alone all kids r acting this way and the calm cool approach is best- the situations are realistic and can help u to identify
  14. 5 out of 5

    Wish I started earlier!

    This program has provided me with great solutions to motivate my children to make smart choices, that make following our family rules more pleasant. I wish I had started this program when the kids were younger because I think about how much easier it would have been for all of us. It is clear and precise. More There are many different solutions for everyday challenges for all types of personalities. The Total Focus program has also been beneficial for my daughter with ADD. The program as a whole is the solution for parenting effectively. Thank you for providing such helpful tools to parents!
  15. 5 out of 5

    SOOOO Helpful. My Only Complaint is I Wish There Were More!

    The Complete Guide to Consequences was so helpful in dealing with my son. In the total transformation, they go into detail about consequences and how they should be applied, but it really made a huge difference seeing those things role-played out. My husband had not gone through the total transformation More with me and the other day, had gotten really frustrated with a situation where my son was being defiant and disrespectful. He finally said, "What can I do? What can I listen to from some of that stuff you've been learning that can help me here?" I told him we should just sit down and watch the Consequences role-playing DVD, and that'd give him a great overview of what I'd learned in the Total Transformation. So, we did that and he felt so much better. He finally was able to grasp what I had been talking about and felt like he could "mimic" what the parents were doing successfully with their kids in those situations. My only complaint about the Complete Guide to Consequences is that there weren't MORE! I would love to see some role plays on what to do when a child refuses to hand over their ipod, phone, or video game. I'd also love to see some role playing dealing with drug use/abuse, alcohol use/abuse, etc. Thank you so much for this valuable resource!!
  16. 5 out of 5

    44 Year Intervention Public School Educator

    James Lehman brings a very concise approach to working with difficult situations. As a long time educator in public schools, I am always looking for a better approach to reach today's youth. Too many are dropping out of high school and as a result, dropping out of life. I kept hearing ads for the Total More Transformation Program on the radio while driving to work. I finally decided to call and see what it was all about. I ordered the program and immediately could see the power that James brings to the game. His background and insight are invaluable. I have practiced many of his teachings on various students in different situations, and overall, his methods are spot on and have really helped me find success with difficult students! Dealing with students the way I do daily has shown me that WE must change what WE are doing if we are going to be able to reach today's youth. The job is too important. We can NOT continue to teach the way we did 50 years ago. Kids just don't learn the same way anymore! As teachers and parents, we will either change our approach, or we will lose too many of our kids. After completing the Total Transformation program, I had to order the Consequences Program. It was just as great. I am very glad that I took the time to do the work necessary to gain the insight that James offers. I completed all of the required surveys within the time frame and Legacy Publishing did refund my expenses for the program just as promised. As soon as I have the time, I will order the remaining programs. I look forward to them. As you can see, I highly recommend these programs to anyone who is struggling to manage difficult behavior, whether at school, or at home.
  17. 5 out of 5

    None Given

    I have wasted so much time in needless arguing with my child! The Complete Guide to Consequences has taught me how to put both myself and my child's time to better use. Before using the Total Transformation program, I would go into lengthy discussions/arguements with my child, justifying myself & defending More my position. Now, I know how to give them a clear direction & walk away. No speeches - just set the limit & walk away. It literally stops my child dead in their tracks! No more argueing, blaming or excuses. The Complete Guide to Consequences has brought peace & quiet to our home.
  18. 5 out of 5

    Be calm and consistent

    The Complete Guide to Consequences was & continues to be helpful in reminding me to be consistent, be a coach, be calm. I gave in too easily; this guide shows me how a coach can "teach" and apply tough love to help the child develop an understanding of how he should think through his actions because More of the correctly used consequences to bad actions/behaviors and good consequences to good actions/behaviors.
  19. 4 out of 5

    Helpful Tools

    We completed the Total Transformation (TT) program last year with positive results, but found ourselves still struggling with motivating a 6-year old to complete daily routines on time and without argument (e.g., getting ready for school, getting ready for bed, completing homework). The Consequences More program reinforced some of what we learned in TT and even gave us additional tools to use. The role plays were helpful, although they do focus more on older children and teenagers (the only reason why I didn't rate the program 5 stars overall). Modifying the approaches to fit our life with a young child wasn't too difficult, and while we are still a "work in progress," daily routines are no longer the struggle they used to be.
  20. 4 out of 5

    My Son's Behavioral Progress

    After viewing "The Complete Guide to Consequences" and applying them to my own issues with my son at home, I found his progress to be a complete 360 degree turn around. Not saying that we have not had some challenges but not nearly as many as before. The most challenging is to think of creative consequences More in some cases and have the consequence fit the behavioral issue. The results have been incredibly successful. His grades and attitude have greatly improved. I am so glad that was able to view the program.
  21. 5 out of 5

    Excellent resource

    The complete guide to consequences showed me exactly what I needed to do in order to be a more effective parent. I have always struggled with discipline and my kids. My oldest child seemed impossible to get "under control". After viewing and reviewing the guide, I have finally found answers to all the More problems I had with getting my kids to behave...I would recommend this product to any parent struggling with out of control behavior from their child. It works on teenagers and middle school ages equally well! Thank you for the great resource!!!!
  22. 5 out of 5


    this has been very helpful to my son and myself. He was having an angry negative argument with me. I stayed calm and when he began to swear I stated that he must stop that language, that it was verbally abusive and not allowed. As we continued our discussion he was catching himself when he was about More to utter profanities and stopped and rephrased. I was stunned. Its small steps that matter in an overall positive outcome.
  23. 4 out of 5


    The Complete Guide for Consequences really shows that you are not alone in your struggles. It gives examples of detailed problems, and then shows you how to solve these troublesome issues while keeping your cool. Your child may still complain, but he/she will now also take immediate action on your More directions. This has helped us with our Autistic son, and even he now compliments the program. Don't hesitate; buy now and you will improve your family life dramatically.
  24. 5 out of 5

    A Working Solution

    This is a program for parents who are tired of soft-soap conversations with children, which don't ACTUALLY result in change. Instead, a DVD with simple instructions and an easy-to-follow system of making the child do the work instead of the parent. James talks you through each step and you come out feeling More that this is something you really CAN try. I've been in education for 20 years and I recognize a good system when I see one. I've used it with my kids and I love the results. (Shh! I even use it in school too, but don't tell anyone - it's my secret weapon!)
  25. 4 out of 5


    My husband and I made the realization while watching the video that we have lots of punishments; that we called consequences. However, in the video we realized how to make a consequence that would have an impact on our children and ultimately teach them and help them learn from their misbehavior. Another More thing we learned is the difference between a behavior problem and an attitude problem. The role playing was geared toward parents with older children and teenagers. We have younger kids so some of the videos did not pertain exactly to our situations. A wider array ages and situations would be beneficial.
  26. 5 out of 5

    Great Ideas to Make Consequences Relevant

    I got some great ideas for using consequences with my teenage boys. I would like to see more about what to do when the child refuses to comply with the consequences.
  27. 5 out of 5


    I loved the real-life conflicts and the realistic consequences that followed. Very easy to follow. Implementation of the program can begin immediately. Awesome help!
  28. 4 out of 5

    Great training video on keeping emotion out of discipline

    My wife and I feel the training does a really good job of teaching parents how to react, and not overreact, to kids actions. It taught us how to apply proper consequences to our kids misbehaving and give them the best chance of not repeating the actions. It has made our lives less stressful and increased More the happiness of everyone at our home.
  29. 5 out of 5

    Total life change

    It is amazing how much this program has helped improve our lives overall. Our children behave, respect and think about concequences now. Thank you so much for giving peace to our home and enjoyment to our lives.
  30. 5 out of 5

    None Given

    We're from the era of getting grounded for a week (or a spanking) was the answer to everything -- and for us as kids, it worked. But not for our kids. Our two difficult teens, for whom consequences meant very little, have incredible endurance. The Complete Guide to Consequences helped me understand More the difference between punishment and consequences (seems obvious, but...); and to have the confidence, the words, and the ideas to use when our darlings weren't behaving so 'darling'. The ideas presented for the teen are working for me. It hasn't changed long-term behavior yet in the 15 yr old, but it's the short-term help which gives me the breathing room I need to stay centered. Our 6 yr old is very well-behaved, so I haven't had to use a lot of consequences, but I can see that there has been a positive effect in those few times I've had to give him some, and even more of an affect watching what his big sister is going through! (As for the eldest, she's in college and lives away from home). I highly recommend the Consequences video for all parents. It should be watched early on in their parenting career.
  31. 5 out of 5

    Review of The Complete Guide to Consequences

    This information did wonders to put things in perspective and make a doable plan to get my son's behavior on track. I sought this information in countless "professionals" doctors, teachers, social services and even the police. I knew I was dedicated to doing whatever it takes to get my child right, More but had no idea what to do. There is still a lot of work to do and I am so relieved to have some direction. These techniques immediately quelled to fighting and helped me gain more control over our household.
  32. 4 out of 5

    Very Grateful

    I could not be happier and more grateful for this program. In one day I could see changes. It is worth trying it and making it happen for your family!!!
  33. 4 out of 5

    Practical help

    The simpler the better for me when I am under stress with my kids. I love the advice given- start with the behavior that you want to see, for example, to set the consequence. I also appreciated the idea that you can re-visit a consequence- when I was growing up, each time I was grounded for a month, More and that pops out of my mouth at times. Now I go back and revise.
  34. 5 out of 5

    Relieved beyond works

    I have been working on my sons behavior for YEARS. Always trying somethign different but never seeing much improvement. The phone calls from the school last year almost put me over the edge. It got so bad that I just kept him home for several weeks and did his lessons with him so I wouldn't get anymore More for a while. When I heard about this program I was so hopeful. I received the CD on consequences and watched it over and over and over. It seems like so much at first but with the support of the parent support line I have been implementing these techniques as I am able. I am so grateful that coaching is available. Role play is the number one way to changing behaviors and seeing the scenerios take place were very helpful. We aren't there yet but we are beginning to turn a corner and I am seeing a glimmer of who my son really is... I've always knows he had a good heart I just didn't know how to help him and I felt guilty. With these tools we are actually doing it!
  35. 5 out of 5

    Amazing !!!!

    I am so glad that i spend 3 months searching about this program and got it in the end. My family is turning for good just to have the right tools to deal with the dayly frustration. this video lesson just help me understand the dinamic of deal with my teens. Thank you
  36. 5 out of 5


    Dear Mr. Lehman Your Guide to Consequences is the best program I\'ve come across in my 28 years of parenting. My 2nd son is adhd with other issues and we found your program when he was 17. It turned things around for our family. The power struggles and yelling stopped. We wish we would of found your More program sooner! We will continue to us it for our other children and grandchildren that live with us. The best tool for us is becoming coaches.Children with ADHD really need on going coaching. We have change from reactive parenting to proactive parenting.Thank you!
  37. 4 out of 5

    None Given

    As in other things I have purchased from your company I appreciate this one the most. As a therapist I relate to your programs often when trying to explain to families how things could be different with just a little bit of work
  38. 5 out of 5

    Sensable Consequences

    A very clearly illustrated dvd that showed us what we were doing and what we should be doing. It helped us rethink our consequences and we saw a very effective turn in our daughters behavior.
  39. 5 out of 5


    This DVD was very helpful for me when I purchased the Total Transformation program. I helped me to understand what it truly means to give consequences instead of punishment. It brought a whole new light to how I handled my sons' behavior. I would recommend this to parents.
  40. 5 out of 5

    excellent program

    I highly recommend this program to everyone who is struggling on any level with raising children. society these days puts a lot of obstacles in the way of raising happy, kind, well adjusted kids. The stress on kids and teens to grow up faster and 'keep up' with their friends makes it difficult for parents More to set limits. This program gives real words and actions to help parents set and reinforce limits and consequences and then puts the responsibility back on the kkids to meet these goals and expectations.
  41. 5 out of 5

    Faulty Thinking

    I have a 4 year old who is very difficult to communicate she refuses to co-operate and when told or asked to do something she dislike she refuses to move unless with a threat. It is getting betteron lesson #5
  42. 5 out of 5

    consequence review

    This was a most valuable and helpful program. It affirms the adult and restores dignity to the caregiver. so that respect and real concern can be understood by the child. It is a most effective program.I would highly recommend it.
  43. 5 out of 5

    Consequences I know I should but How?

    I have learned over the last 27 years of raising three children and being an educator and counselor, it's a challenge to find what works. Everyone under the sun has advice and none of it seems to help you. Well! Guess What. James Lehman can do it with his very clear script for parents to follow. He guides More you through real life examples and provides acted out role plays to show what we do wrong and then how to do it right. The kids are realistic, especially the teen girl with attitude you'll recognize. I am sharing this in my resources for parents list, and say "If you get it you won't regret it".
  44. 5 out of 5

    Consequences DVD

    The Complete Guide To Consequences DVD and book were very helpful in so many ways. It show's to to react to negative comments, how to remain calm, how to take a few minutes to think about the consequences and measures that need to be taken along with coaching the child into better behavior versus arguing More over nonessentials and it is so great just to review as a reminder which I know I need and have already done. Peggy
  45. 4 out of 5

    A New Dawn Emerging:

    I have to tell you, I was greatly impressed with the DVD series. The How-To-Program gave me the confidence and Peace I needed in order to learn how to deal with unruly children, teens and adults. I have been surprised at the great results and insights that the program has afforded me by using it. Most More every piece of advice given and acted out in the DVD series for the parent to learn was so informative to me, since I had no healthy parenting in my upbringing. I was dumbfounded at how simplistic these techniques, rules of thumb and methods were. But, amazed at how much they work with people who are unruly, ill-tempered, abusive and so on. There was such a wide range of scenarios that were so liberating in learning how to do this. In using them, I had greater confidence AND HOPE above all. My depression started to dwindle away as I was able to better deal with the very people I am suppose to and wanting to love, my family members. Our 11 year old granddaughter, who has special needs is much more cooperative and is more secure because the boundaries are much more clearer to her. I am more consistent with consequences and I find I am happier with myself for making the deliberate effort to lay out the choices clearly for her, leaving her no wiggle room to make excuses for her behavior. I am no longer manipulated and guilted into backing down. She knows now that \\\"I mean what I say (lovingly and controlled) and I say what I mean. And no more. I feel it is even a marriage support program, as well. All of the petty wearing-me-out talk is diminished due to reflecting and utilizing all of the different tools for each unique situation we find ourselves in. Teens can no longer pit one parent against the other causing greater division in the home. I am so thankful that the program was built to be so blatantly honest with the combative behaviors our teens display because that reality really hit home. The \\\"mirroring of upset adult parents\\\" was an eye opener as to how damaging those behaviors were fueling the teen\\\'s reactive attitudes. I am no longer on the defensive and am able to find fair solutions and consequences. And I am more readily to listen and do not feel threatened. Thank you for the peace that has been brought back to my home. I also, have had greater understanding of how I react since finding out, through \\\"your program\\\" that I have ADHD and ADD myself. I had always suspected it, however never knew where or how to get tested for it and the very thought of doing that seemed undaunting to me. Thank you for helping people like me make sense of the craziness we have endured. My ONLY WISH is that we had heard about you 30 years ago when we first started raising our children. We are now learning how to break unhealthy parenting patterns through this program and we see a new dawn emerging by passing these skills onto our adult children and our soon-to-be ten grandchildren.
  46. 4 out of 5

    Great program

    This is a great program. The role plays are very helpful. The only reason I didn't give it 5 stars is that I wish there were more role plays and more exact phrases and sentences I could use. The one provided are very helpful. It is helping me make consequence valuable instead of punishment. A HUGE More difference and one worth learning if you plan on parenting correctly. This along with the Total Transformation Program is a good combo.
  47. 5 out of 5


    Thank you for creating this DVD/tool that has helped me understand how to effectively communicate accountability and consequences with my child. Armed now with a better understanding of where to draw the lines and what is at stake from a parent and child perspective, our home is becoming less of a battle More field and more of a place where mutual respect and love is cultivated.
  48. 5 out of 5

    Great lessons

    I thought the Consequence video/information was great. James points out that you cannot punish people into good behavior and I couldn't agree more. Working in a school for over 30 years, I "know" that punishment does not work and that effective consequences do work. What I enjoyed the most is that the More information, in the video, made "common sense" His ideas are practical and easy to understand and implement.
  49. 5 out of 5

    A Must Have For All Parents

    This program has changed my family's lives. Within a few weeks, my child was responding positively to the advice from this program. My child's self-esteem has improved so much and his grades are getting better, too. If I could describe this program in one word, it would be "life-changing! Thank you do More much for sharing it with us!
  50. 4 out of 5


    I found this very helpful! I loved the examples. They fit in not exactly with our issues, but close enough I could apply. I recommend this product.
Leave a Review

Product Features:

  • 63-Minute DVD
  • 25-page Workbook

Teach your child to be accountable and responsible.
When parents use consequences effectively, their children can better learn how to be accountable and responsible, how to control their emotions, and how to follow through and succeed. We’ll show you how to get to what works – even if your child is ultra-resistant or has ADD, ADHD or ODD.

Take control, and stay there.

  • Stop getting into it on your child’s level
  • Be consistent with discipline
  • No more accepting excuses
  • Don’t let situations escalate into arguments
  • Stop justifying and defending your actions
  • Master your authority
  • No more giving in and giving up

In this program, you’ll learn:

  • The exact difference between a punishment and a consequence
  • How to effectively use consequences to shape behavior
  • A menu of consequences to use with your child
  • How to help your child learn from consequences
  • When to correct a mistake after a slip up
  • How to motivate your child to behave responsibly

This program works best when used with the behavior management plan of The Total Transformation® Program.

1-on-1 Coaching

When you need guidance through a specific situation, have questions about your program or just need someone to listen when you’re overwhelmed, our professional 1-on-1 Coaches are waiting to help. Each is highly experienced with our range of learning programs, and dedicated to personally motivating and supporting you. Simply call or email and get personalized guidance related to your program. Plus, since 1-on-1 Coaching is an optional service, you can elect to use it as long as you need it.

Our professional staff of 1-on-1 Coaches is here to help guide you through your learning program. Many have experienced parenting challenges firsthand, and offer a fresh and knowledgeable perspective.

Coaching can be added to your order during the checkout process.

Q: I have both The Total Transformation® Program and The Complete Guide to Consequences. Which program should I start with?

A: You are welcome to start with either program you wish. James Lehman addresses effective consequences in both programs. We typically find that it is most effective to start with the Total Transformation Program first, in order to have a solid foundation for applying the techniques described in The Complete Guide to Consequences.

The James Lehman Approach

Drawing from personal experience and 30 years in the field

“I was a kid with behavior problems—about the worst problems you can imagine.” – James LehmanJames Lehman, MSW

James Lehman, who dedicated his life to behaviorally troubled youth, created The Total Transformation®, The Complete Guide to Consequences™, Getting Through To Your Child™, and Two Parents One Plan™, from a place of professional and personal experience. Having had severe behavioral problems himself as a child, he was inspired to focus on behavioral management professionally. Together with his wife, Janet Lehman, he developed an approach to managing children and teens that challenges them to solve their own problems without hiding behind disrespectful, obnoxious or abusive behavior. Empowering Parents now brings this insightful and impactful program directly to homes around the globe.

“Parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had.”

1-on-1 Coaching

Only Empowering Parents offers professional 1-on-1 Coaching to help guide you through our learning programs, answer your questions and listen when you need to talk.

Simply call or email when you are ready for personal, 1-on-1 support and we’ll be there to help you.

Select 1-on-1 Coaching during the checkout process.