We’ve all been there: Your child misbehaves at a family gathering, and you leapfrog ahead to the future, where you see him making exactly the same kinds of mistakes in his adult life—times 10. Or your preteen daughter seems unmotivated at school and fails Algebra, and you start wondering if she’ll be able to graduate high school, or even hold a job some day.

There’s a wonderful, special role that grandparents get to play within the family. Part of that role says that they have an extra bit of leeway with the grandkids—they might take them for ice cream or let them stay up a bit later when they visit, for example. Ideally, grandparents make life easier for the parents, and ideally,parents honor them and make them feel wanted. Problems can arise when the grandparents interfere, intrude, or undercut what the parents are saying—or when parents forget to take the feelings of the grandparents into consideration.

You know the drill: Your child is screaming at you, ignoring you, being irresponsible or hurtful. Suddenly, you’re yelling at the top of your lungs, matching him decibel for decibel. Later, you think, “Why did I fly off the handle again? I’m so tired of letting him push my buttons so easily.”

The new year gives us a chance to pause and ask ourselves the big questions: “How am I doing? How can I improve?” If you’re a parent, perhaps you resolve to be a calmer one, a more consistent one, a stricter one, a more involved one. Maybe you’re thinking about the gap between the parent you are and the parent you want to be. Here are four steps for you to effect positive change in your family this year. Many of them are simple to put into place, but create change that will last for a lifetime.

Most couples have experienced this situation at one time or another—you think you should discipline your child a certain way, and your spouse wants to handle it differently. You each become entrenched in your position, and that’s when the fighting starts.

Do you find yourself in full-on homework battles most nights of the week? It’s no surprise that mostchildren and teenswill dig in their heels when it comes to doing schoolwork. Think of it this way: How many kids want to do something that isn’t particularly exciting or pleasant? Most would prefer to be playing video games, riding their bikes or driving around with friends, especially after a long day of school and activities.

What’s one of the keys to avoiding constant fights with your child? Believe it or not, it’s the same skill that will help you through any crisis situation—your ability to remain calm. When your child is upset, anxious or angry, keeping your cool is half the battle. It’s a way for you to put out the fire by throwing water on the flames, rather than fan it by adding more fuel from your own emotional tank.

Do you have a child who comes home with failing grades year after year—or straight C’s when you know he could get A’s? You assume, based on his abilities, that he should be more successful in school. It’s enough to drive you crazy—especially because you know how important it is for him to do well so he can get into college some day—or even just graduate.

Whether you are recently divorced or have been for some time, don’t be anxious that you have ruined your child’s life. You haven’t. While divorce can be a big part of your child’s life, what will determine his ultimate quality of life is still in the hands of each parent. Can children be affected negatively by their parent’s divorce? Most certainly. But it’s important to understand that children are not necessarily doomed to be negatively impacted.

When your child is making poor choices and acting out, it’s easy to let shame eat you up inside. You wonder, “Where have I gone wrong as a parent? Why is he behaving this way? And, What must other people be thinking?” The danger here is that these feelings can create a negative cycle. When you operate out of fear and shame—rather than out of clear objectivity and care for your child—not only will you feel awful, you can also become ineffective as a parent.

Does your child’s behavior, the choices he makes—and fears about how he will turn out—weigh you down, making you feel like it’s all somehow a reflection on you? When our kids don’t act in ways we think they should, it’s natural to feel anxious and responsible: we’re only human. But when we do this, we stop seeing the boundary between where we end and where our child begins—we become “fused” with them. The danger here is that the more we feel responsible for the choices they make, the more we parent them out of anxiety, which leads to that panicked “out of control” feeling and knee-jerk parenting.

Bullying is really just another form of abuse: it’s about kids using power to control other kids, sometimes with the intention to cause harm. What can we do as parents when our kids find themselves the target of another child's cruelty or physical aggression? Read on to learn 10 ways you can help your child or teen.

Does it seem like you have a war going on in your family—with you on one side, and your kids on the other? Many parents feel like they live in the middle of a battle zone and that at any given moment they might step on a landmine. Maybe you have a teen who is disrespectful and says rude and insulting things to you. Perhaps you have a child who won’t stop badgering you and fights with you when you set limits. Maybe your preteen insists on having the final word on everything and puts you down all the time. Or it could be that you, like many parents, feel like your kids act entitled and ungrateful and take advantage of you—and it drives you crazy. Debbie Pincus, author of The Calm Parent AM and PM, has worked with kids and parents for more than 25 years, and she can teach you how to stop fights with your kids. Read on to find out what you need to do to gain peace in your home, starting today.

Does your child's behavior make you feel out of control? Do you find yourself walking on eggshells so that you don’t “set him off?” It might be your five year old who has tantrums and acts out, or perhaps it’s your teenager who fights with you all the time. Your consequences mean nothing to him, and in fact seem to make him more defiant. Whatever the reason, you've got the kid who simply doesn't react to parenting the way you thought he would. Debbie Pincus, creator of the Calm Parent: AM & PM, explains how you can change the way your family interacts.

Let’s face it, “No” gets a reaction. Kids thrive on the connection they have with you, and if a child is always negative, they will usually get a reaction from their parents. As odd as it sounds, sometimes the negativity spewing from your child’s lips is not meant to sound as bad as it does. She may simply want contact with you, albeit negative contact. Some kids’ versions of, “Hi, how are you this morning?” come out as, “These eggs are disgusting!” While this is the way your child might want to connect with you, it doesn’t mean you have to enjoy it or listen to it endlessly.