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Here we are, in the last and craziest month of the year, when everything seems to move at warp speed. Everyone’s running around like a bunch of squirrels on espresso (as is our national tradition), buying Christmas and Hanukkah presents, going to parties, checking our budgets twice — and trying to keep it all together. Â
I’m definitely not immune to this manic pace — I’ve had a few crazy days in the last few weeks myself, believe me — but it’s nothing compared to how I used to be. You see, a few years ago, I figured out the secret of slowing down the holidays and not losing my mind. While I can’t follow my own advice as much as I’d like, here’s the holiday game plan that I try to stick to each year:
“Just say no.” I have become very choosy about the things our family does around this time of year. We map out the really important stuff, add a few fun extras, and keep it really, really simple. We probably have a much quieter holiday than most people, but it works for us!
Check yourself — When Your Pulse Starts Racing, Take a Deep Breath: Here’s an up-to-the-minute example. As I was wrapping some gifts yesterday, my 6 year-old son kept taking the paper in an attempt to make airplanes out of it. Well, when I found his little stash of F-1 bombers, I nearly lost it. Out came mean mommy and the words, ”How many times do I have to tell you ‘no’! That’s not for you to play with!” Luckily, I caught that fingernails-on-the-chalkboard tone in my voice and realized I needed to ratchet it down a little. I had a cup of tea, took a deep breath, went to my son’s room and said,  ”You know Honey, I’m not sure if there’s enough paper for all these presents. Can you use some scrap paper for your airplanes instead?” He was fine with that, we hugged, and I felt much calmer. Which brings me to my next tip:
Remember to breathe: A wise woman gave me this advice a few years ago. She said, “You’d be surprised how often we forget to breathe when we’re stressed and upset.” So true. So unclench that jaw, take a few deep breaths and stretch when you think of it. Even small moments of peace can have a powerful impact in your life.
Pick a few activities that add meaning to your holiday. Start new traditions: My family was never very big on Christmas. It was a hard time of year for both my parents (let’s face it, it’s a hard time of year for a lot of people out there) and so in many ways, it was a holiday to get through, not to enjoy. As an adult, while I’m not a huge Christmas person, I do want to create some new traditions with my family to make the season warm and bright. The activities we do are just small things, really — making cookies, listening to certain music (Charlie Brown Christmas is my favorite!), seeing our friend perform in an annual concert, and going to church on Christmas Eve night.
Don’t go overboard with gifts, and take your time opening them: My friend Julie Falatko at World of Julie advocates doing “slow Christmas.” She and her family open presents one by one, play with them, take breaks to eat or what have you. The kids really enjoy their presents and there isn’t that frenzy of paper tearing (and the inevitable anti-climax) that comes with the orgy of Christmas morning. I have also found that a few well-chosen gifts mean a lot more than tons of things my son will stop playing with in two weeks.
Give something to someone who could use a hand: I heard a wonderful story last year about a man who gave presents to a single mom and her child every Christmas. This mother could not afford any presents whatsoever (she was just scraping by) so their neighbor anonymously left a bag of presents at their doorstep every Christmas for years. Inspired by this story, for the last two years we’ve been buying a winter coat and donating it to a child in need in our community. I take my son out shopping, we pick something out, and give it to the shelter in our town. I love seeing the look on my son’s face when he chooses the coats each year — he really is starting to think about what it means to help people.
That’s the list so far, but I am certain I’ll keep adding to it over the years. (I just hope I can follow my own advice!) I’d also love to hear any ideas you have for slowing down the pace and reducing stress around this time of year.
Here’s wishing you a wonderful holiday season!
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December 14th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Great advice.
I finished your article and took a deep breath.
Its very easy to get caught up in the frenzy of Chrismtas instead of enjoying the magic.
December 15th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Brooke, You’re so right. “The Frenzy of Christmas” can really take over at times. Keep breathing, and hope you have a wondeful Christmas!
December 15th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
The other day my son said to me as we (no, make that I) was putting up the tree, “I mean, what’s the point?” I was stunned. We’ve had our fair share of heartache as well as good fortune, but I was shocked that he didn’t yearn for Christmas celebrations anymore. I’m glad he’s not associating it with getting “stuff” anymore, but I was disappointed that I hadn’t successfully provided him with the spirit of good will towards others, hope and the advancement of our spiritual selves and communities, and if nothing else to build some traditions to highlight the passage of each year to check in with friends, family and community while we also think of global humanity and what the “Mass for Christ” really symbolizes for us every year during the darkest days of winter!
I feel the exposure to so many cultures’ celebrations and traditions has been great to know about, but it focuses us outward in perhaps an overwhelming way, one that pixilates us into too many factions to hold meaning for us personally anymore. These globally connected kids see the concern for mankind everyday, but with all of the political correctness going around, we have stopped individualizing our own traditions. We have lost our own “soul” to the point that we don’t even recognize the loss of soul in our own spiritual celebrations. How very sad.
I like the idea of a “quiet Christmas” with many fewer things vying for my attention. Then I, personally, can look inward. So while it is wonderful to show our kids ways we can share ourselves and good fortune with others this time of year, I think we also need to show our kids how to disconnect from the world at times and reconnect with their own magnificence within themselves. If we don’t get quiet, we’ll miss it altogether. Let’s hope and pray for a Silent Night after all. Peace on Earth and within ourselves.
December 16th, 2009 at 10:53 am
I can SO relate to your comment about your family not being big on Christmas, Elisabeth! Your statement about it being, “… a holiday to get through, not to enjoy” was right on target. I never thought about it that way, but that was precisely what Christmas was for me as a kid — something to “get through”. Sheesh, it sounds like some kind of dreary ordeal or something,doesn’t it? Not very “ho ho ho”-ish, to say the least. My family wasn’t down on Christmas — it was simply another thing “to do”. Trudge,trudge. I guess …?
Anyway, your suggestions on how to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n during the spastic, anxious holiday madness are warmly welcomed! Just taking time to BREATHE, like you said, is surprisingly important! We humans naturally breathe more shallow when stressed, causing a decrease in oxygen to the ole’ noggin’. This sets up a negative spiral because the decrease in oxygen causes the brain to make chemicals that cause us to be more anxious. So … the obvious (and easy!) answer to our hypoventilation-anxiety conundrum is to simply take some SLOW, DEEP BREATHS. Ahhhhhhh …….
And I loved the idea of lending a helping hand as a means to decrease stress! What a fabulous reminder for me to volunteer to help take food to some needy homeless people in my neighborhoood this season (and I know just the place that does this!). Kind of “connecting with the community”, as Lisa implied in her comment.
Thank you for this much needed article, Elisabeth! I can never have too many suggestions about how to slow down during this season!
December 16th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Lisa, I loved what you had to say about Christmas — thank you. You’re so right about how important it is to find ways for our kids to connect to their family’s traditions. (It’s great that our children have a much wider awareness of other cultures than we did growing up, but it’s also important for them to know where they come from…)
Thanks again — I’m hoping and praying for a silent night right along with you.
December 16th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Susan, glad to hear this resonated with you! What you said about breathing (or neglecting to do so) makes so much sense. I found myself stuck in traffic the other day and I actually had to do some deep breathing exercises to calm myself down. (It worked, though!) Hope you have a wonderful holiday, and thanks for commenting.